Chapter 16 #2
“Really,” I admitted. “I’ve never been a fan of the water.
Much prefer being on land. I can trust the ground.
Not so much the water, with its unforgiving nature.
It’s a beast.” It was a pain in the ass to fight on the seas.
Naval games were not something I enjoyed partaking in, though they were necessary training since our enemy was located across the Cursed Divide.
We were expected to be prepared for battle on any terrain.
“Wait.” Kyella came to a stop as we turned a corner, the dining hall appearing in front of us. “Where are we going?”
My gaze darted up from her plush lips, and I pressed a hand to her back and gently prodded her forward. “Breakfast.”
Keeping my gaze forward, I tried to withstand the temptation to look down at her body.
I had already imagined all the ways I could pull her against me, hold her, or pin her to the wall.
It was an uncontrollable thought process.
I wanted her beneath my touch, following my commands and trusting me to make her feel good as I explored every inch of her body.
Somehow I knew that Kyella would never be someone to take orders—not anymore, especially now that she had found freedom. But in the bedroom? Would she bend to commands? If she trusted someone enough…
Fuck, what the hell was I even thinking? This wasn’t a healthy mindset because none of this was possible. Not with my life, not with the position I held and everything I had to do. I needed to move past this.
“You came to my room early to ensure I had breakfast?” Her gaze lit with curiosity and what seemed like disbelief. “Or did you want to go to breakfast together?”
I moved my gaze to the dining hall, where some attention was turning our way, before answering, “I wanted to ensure you started your day out right. It will be a long one, I’m sure.”
When she didn’t provide a response, I looked back to find her watching me with narrowed eyes, as if trying to dissect my very being. I swallowed hard and held her gaze as I watched her eyes shade with what appeared to be disappointment.
“Right,” she drew out, her jaw clenching. “Of course. Breakfast is important.”
Yeah, she really didn’t like my answer.
“Kyella!” I called as she strode into the hall ahead of me. I could feel more eyes on us, and I realized that despite calling her name, I had no idea what to say to her. How did I explain my dilemma? How did I explain that this wouldn’t work between us, whatever ‘this’ was?
“What, Elijah?” she demanded, her eyes darkening as she arched a brow in challenge. I’m sure she thought it would piss me off, but all it did was make me want her more. There weren’t many people willing to stand up to me, and the way she did it was so incredibly enticing.
Running a hand through my hair, I tried to figure out a way of fixing what I’d messed up without revealing all my cards. “I wanted us to have breakfast, to ensure you ate—”
Kyella sighed. “I know. That’s what you just said, Elijah.”
“— together. I wanted to have breakfast together, or else I could have had it delivered to your door.” I gently wrapped a hand around her upper arm and led her to a group of private tables. “Now come on, time to eat.”
Once we were settled at our table, a server came by with two goblets of blood as well as some pastries for Kyella. Her eyes weren’t on the food, though; they were only on the blood, and I nearly groaned as her tongue peeked out and ran over her lips.
“Have a drink,” I encouraged, unable to resist the urge to take care of her.
She swallowed nervously and picked up the goblet, taking a hesitant sip but with far more ease than last night.
That had been such a mess. At least at first, before we knew what was going on.
And when it had been explained, well… I felt nearly as bulldozed by surprise as when I’d first laid eyes on Kyella.
I had known there was something special about her, but never in a million years could I have imagined she was a type of creature I’d never heard of before. It was both fascinating and worrisome, and it was no wonder why she had been so important to Malakai.
Her brow dipped as she took a longer sip, the tension rolling off of her as she finished half her glass. I hadn’t realized how uncomfortable she’d been until now. I knew it wasn’t from anything to do with us, either. No, that type of tension only came from hunger.
Why hadn’t she left the room earlier? Or told one of the others?
“How long have you been hungry?”
Her cheeks flushed as she took a break from drinking. “Honestly? A few hours now.”
“You should’ve told them,” I said firmly. My brothers would’ve immediately found a solution for her. I was almost positive her room had a bar with blood in it.
“It wasn’t purposeful.” She took a longer sip before answering the rest of my question. “I’m pretty used to being hungry, so I don’t even notice it half the time, and this is all new to me… So yeah, I'm still getting used to it.”
I wanted to wipe her mind clear of any time in which she didn’t have everything she needed.
“Anytime you’re hungry, let me know,” I commanded.
She seemed perplexed. “Why?”
“Why?” I retorted, blinking in surprise.
“Yeah, why?” she asked again, propping her chin on her palms as her eyes bored into my soul. “Why do you care? Why do you want me to tell you?”
Because it would obsessively bother me if I didn’t think you were being taken care of.
“We brought you here. You’re our responsibility.”
Kyella groaned, running a hand over her face and muttering, “Never mind, never mind. Don’t know why I even asked.”
I ran a hand through my hair, feeling anxious at her easy dismissal of my answer. As if it had been expected. I suppose it was, after last night, and she probably felt like I was rejecting her. Again.
I wasn’t. Well, not in the traditional sense. I just couldn’t risk the pain of going down that path. I couldn’t risk having Kyella and then losing her.
Before I could come up with a response, she changed the topic while swirling around the last of the blood in her goblet. “You know, human blood really doesn’t taste as good as vampyre blood.”
“You mean as good as Kolvar’s blood,” I countered with a scowl. I could imagine how good it would feel to have her drink from me, and I loved the idea of her lips against my skin.
“Yes, his blood,” she agreed easily, smiling coyly behind her glass. “Does it bother you that I drank his blood?”
“Bother me?” I didn’t think bother was the right word as much as being a jealous bastard.
“Yes. Does it?” she retorted, placing her now empty goblet on the table.
Damn her challenging personality. She was making my own obstinance surge to meet it.
I couldn’t help but lean forward, grasping her chin so that we were holding direct eye contact, her pulse jumping at our closeness. “No, Kyella. It doesn’t bother me. I’m glad he was able to feed you.” Even though I desperately craved to be that pillar for her.
We sat like that for a few tense moments as I tried to get a read on her feelings.
“I’m done,” she finally murmured, tugging away from me.
“Let’s get to the library,” I said, glad she’d broken the moment. There was too much tension and dangerous energy between us.
I helped her from her chair, and as we walked from the table to the entrance of the dining hall, a primal sense of possessiveness brushed over me.
It was startling at first because I’d never felt it before, but then I fully focused on the man who had incited it—one of the guards, who looked captivated by Kyella.
Before I could stop it, I let out a deep rumble that had the guard jolting and looking back down at his food. I prodded Kyella forward, keeping my gaze on our destination. I was afraid to look down and see her expression, worried how she would react to my protectiveness over her.
After leaving the hall and walking down a main corridor, I felt the tension leave my body. Kyella’s head was tilted in the other direction as she examined the large windows, arched stone ceilings, and ornate furniture and paintings.
“It’s beautiful here,” she finally said with a whimsical sigh. I was surprised she hadn’t pushed for information on what had happened between the guard and me, but I was also thankful for it.
“Almost everything is original to when it was first built,” I explained, thankful to be on a topic that I felt comfortable handling and talking about.
“It’s said that the old gods helped construct it when they created the utopia of the Tridian Empire.
It’s probably not true, of course, but it’s a good story. ”
“The old gods?” she asked curiously, bringing her gaze back to rest on my face.
“How much do you know about vampyre history? What were you told?”
“Not much,” she admitted. “There was no reason to tell me when I lived at home, and Malakai only ever talked about the future of his empire. The past was unimportant to him.”
Egotistical ass.
“Well, the old gods are said to be the original vampyres. According to legend, they’re now at rest—essentially dead,” I explained, relating the history that had been drilled into my head all these years.
“They were the founders of vampyric society, which not only included the Tridian Empire, but Thaician Empire as well.”
“I don’t understand how that’s possible. They’re so different,” she said, her brow furrowing.
“The old gods were all very different, at least according to mythos. Some were driven by good—by the light—and others by darkness. They most likely would have influenced the choosing of the initial leaders and how humans were viewed in each empire.”
“The ones who formed the Thaician Empire must have been the biggest assholes,” she murmured, looking annoyed.
I couldn’t help the chuckle that broke from me. I had no doubt she was right, but for whatever reason, hearing her annoyed, dismissive comment about these deadly, all-powerful beings was funny as hell.
Kyella came to a stop outside a set of doors that would lead us down a corridor to the private library, a smile on her face as I finally met her gaze.
My heart squeezed, realizing I’d put that look there.
Her smile faltered as a serious energy grew between us, the tension crackling.
I felt my control slipping, wanting to take her into my arms.
“Elijah?” she asked softly as I tried to shut down my emotions. I knew she was about to ask something I wouldn’t know how to answer, at least not truthfully.
Fuck. This was not good.
“I need an explanation,” she said, her eyes filled with determination. “I need to know why you’re hellbent on ignoring this connection.”
There it was, the line in the sand drawn. I could either choose to stay on my side or take the opportunity to erase the divide between us.
Meeting her glowing eyes, I found I couldn’t lie to her or dismiss how she felt—but my answer didn’t feel any better. It felt like bullshit. It felt weak, and I knew she would see straight through it.
“Because I can’t afford to let my emotions distract me from my duty.
” I swallowed, trying to think of everything I’d experienced and what it meant to love someone when you were in my position.
My walls were weakening, though, and they shook as I pushed forward.
“I’ve seen too many lives lost when emotions are involved, and I don’t want your life at risk. ”
The frustration in her gaze fizzled out, replaced by confusion. “But emotions are already involved.” She was right. I would still fight it, though. “You can’t just ignore emotions. You can’t just not feel.”
Oh, but I could. At least until recently. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of that anymore. Feeling nothing wasn’t an option when it came to Kyella, which was why I was trying to be so damn controlled when it came to the actual actions I took with her. My thoughts, though, were a different story.
“I’m not saying I don’t feel,” I said, holding her gaze steadily. “I’m saying I can’t afford to act on my feelings.”
Kyella’s mood turned somber, something like realization flashing in her eyes.
“Feeling something for someone, loving someone, is one of the biggest motivators in the world. It’s what pushes someone to cross mountains for the other, or for a mother to give her life for her child, or for a father to go off to war to keep his family safe.
It’s what pushed Tristan to take the risk of bringing his family across the Cursed Divide. ”
Her face flushed a beautiful pink shade as she got more heated and frustrated.
“I get it, Elijah. I get that it’s not easy.
I’ve had shit luck when it comes to people caring about me—those that did were killed—but I’m not going to let that tarnish the hope and desire I feel for the three of you.
I’m not going to let it ruin something that could be amazing before it’s even had a chance to begin.
If you don’t want to be part of that, I won’t keep pushing it, but I don’t agree with you, and I think you’re using it as an excuse to hide away because matters of the heart are scary. ”
I inhaled sharply. How the hell did she keep doing that? I suddenly felt stripped bare, because she wasn’t wrong—that was exactly what I was doing.
I didn’t know what to say, and I once again felt bewildered that a woman who had been through so much pain had the ability to love so easily and openly. To trust in the three of us.
I wanted her to trust in me. I wanted her to look to me for help. I wanted to be able to tell her how I felt—to remove that disappointment from her gaze.
Before I could respond, the doors to the corridor swung open, and three sets of guards motioned us forward. Apparently the Empress had been made aware of our arrival. Kyella’s temperament cooled, but she didn’t look away.
I finally nodded in understanding—this conversation was far from over, and she wanted me to know it.
The thing was…I didn’t want it to be over. The idea of her giving up on this, no longer pushing it, didn’t sit well with me. Which meant I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do and how I would explain myself to the gold-eyed enigma capturing my every thought.