Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Charlotte pressed her lips together. “Oh, dear.” The flustered words popped out of her mouth as she gazed upon Perry. Her sudden pallor left him satisfied that she was sufficiently disturbed by his discovery.
Good.
He wasn’t the only one suffering under the burden of this new development.
Perry had evened the stakes. The secret was out.
Swaying lightly on his feet, he braced himself on the back of the settee. His body was reminding him of the extent of his exertions searching for Charlotte.
He had no regrets.
“You shouldn’t be here. You are unwell, my lord,” Charlotte said, reaching to steady him and guide him to rest on the settee. It was a relief to stop standing.
Her eyes locked on his, the air charged with a heaviness, throbbing with the pain of the betrayal each had endured. At least, betrayal slashed across his heart at the discovery. How could she hide from him?
What could be her explanation?
Giving her head a shake, she turned her back to him, pacing toward the window. “You weren’t supposed to know.”
The break in eye contact damaged him. He never wanted to have her out of his sight again. He devoured her presence hungrily, his eyes hardly believing that she was standing before him. She was more beautiful than he remembered; more captivating than the woman in his dream.
“And yet, here we are,” Perry retorted, his tone sharp. “You must understand my surprise to find you among the living. The last I heard of you—you were dead.”
Lifting a hand to her mouth, she took a few fast breaths as she searched for the words—the answers—he demanded. With a shake of her head, she stopped at the French doors.
Should he tell her the answers wouldn’t be found beyond the damask curtains hanging before her as she stared out the window?
No. He would sit back and wait for her explanations.
There was plenty of time for all her secrets to come out.
Perry leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms, a twinge in his arm reminding him of his injury.
His muffled grunt caught her attention, and she turned back to rake her gaze over his body.
He flushed at the perusal, feeling like less of a man in his injured state.
His shoulders straightened as he tried to appear less feeble.
She sucked in a small breath, as though beginning to speak, but hesitated.
Sweeping across the room, she came to sit next to him, her teeth worrying her bottom lip as she fiddled with her hands in her lap.
“You see, it is a long and complicated story. I wouldn’t know where to start.” Her fingers drifted to stroke her temple.
“Why did you leave? I came for you. I asked for your hand and was told you were near death. It killed me not to be able to reach you.” A shuddered breath racked his chest as he gazed into her eyes. The eyes he had dreamed about for so long.
Charlotte cleared her throat, blinking back tears.
His words seemed to hit her like a physical attack.
“I fell ill after our time together,” she began.
“My family judged it best that I retire from public life, to not give the impression that something was amiss. I intended to marry the Viscount Dewberry once my health improved. A marriage between you and me was never a possibility.”
“Why didn’t you communicate with me? I came for you.” His brows drew together as tears threatened. He reached for anger to steady him, but all he found was a well of sadness.
Rocking in her seat, Charlotte squeezed her eyes shut.
“It was too late. You were engaged to be married, as was I. Our relationship seemed best to come to an end. As I began to feel better, news of your nuptials became known. The deed had been done by the time Viscount Dewberry broke our engagement. It happened so quickly.”
Anger that had been simmering within him came to the surface with her cryptic response.
Didn’t she realize that it would have been an honor to care for her?
He would have gladly seen her through her illness.
If only he had known she needed him. The pain of betrayal squeezed his heart once more.
She had never given him the chance to prove himself.
Yet, there was no denying his marriage to Eliza had come soon after he realized he would have no chance at being with Charlotte. Some of his anger ebbed.
They had both been hurt by the separation.
“How could you hide from me now?” The question was more of a whispered plea as it slipped from his lips. “I meant something to you once.” Try as he might, his friendship with Lottie had never been replicated with anyone else.
“The truth would only cause a disturbance in your healing. Remaining hidden from you—from society has been best for everyone. There was no need to complicate the situation. You needed to focus on surviving, which you almost didn’t.”
His eyes narrowed on her face, marred only by the flush of guilt and her brow creasing in worry. “Complicate the situation? The woman I long believed dead is alive. Am I supposed to leave here knowing that information and do nothing? How could you think me so heartless?”
Pressing her palms on her thighs, Charlotte stood, pacing to the other end of the room, her hands rubbing her cheeks.
“It’s not like that. You must return and pretend you never saw me.
Any other action would risk much scandal and distress to my family.
It would be easier for you and your wife if you simply forget my existence. Finish your recovery. Move on.”
Perry scoffed, ignoring the fact that she still considered him married. Perhaps the news of his widowed status hadn’t traveled this far. He was too angry from being dismissed to correct her. “You have forgotten our time together so easily?”
Charlotte flinched. “It makes no difference what happened between us.” She cast her gaze down at the rich Persian carpet, studying the intricate navy and red design.
“There is no sense revisiting the past. If you care for me as you once did, you will continue on to Bodmin and forget that you have seen me.” Smoothing her skirts, she came to stand beside him.
Perry’s mouth gaped open as she waited, hugging her arms around her waist. As though he was dismissed. The conversation was over.
“It seems as though you are almost well enough to travel, which gladdens me. It pained me to see you suffer.” A small smile tugged at her lips as she placed a hand on his arm.
Bristling, he shook her off and stood, towering above her petite frame. His hands came to caress her shoulders, and he peered into her eyes, looking for any sign of the woman he used to know. How could this stranger before him be so…cruel? Dismissive?
Her words glossed over the earth-shattering impact of their reunion.
What could it mean for their future? How could he keep her a secret when he wanted to remain close?
Perhaps Charlotte had forgotten. His body remembered every lingering touch, every fetching smile, as though each part of him were embedded with memories from long ago.
“You would rather stay locked away in the country and never again see the city? What of your family? It is hardly living,” he questioned, unsatisfied.
She made an impertinent sound. “I am quite content. Do not presume to know the parameters of my happiness.” Stepping out of his grip, she placed her fists on her hips.
Was this truly the woman he had known? Or had the Lottie of his youth been replaced with a colder, more distant version of the warm woman he once held in his arms?
Perhaps their love had been a dream, and he was a fool to believe being reunited with her meant something.
A return to the place he had always longed for—Lottie’s heart.
Exhaustion swept over him as a deep sorrow threatened to tear him asunder. A loss he was suffering for a second time. The impact of her cold demeanor hit him like a blow and almost knocked him off his feet.
“You must return to bed. I will call someone to assist you.” She wrapped an arm around his waist and the tension his body had been clinging to was released.
“I will be fine,” he said, leaning into her embrace.
Her touch, though distant, was comforting like nothing else.
The simple act of her guiding him back to his room warmed him.
Would these be the last crumbs of affection he could receive from her?
She had tended him during his fever, of that he was certain.
Somewhere inside her must reside a flicker of the feeling she used to hold.
Their former affection was too strong to simply be cast aside.
Would he have the strength to leave Fermoy and forget her?
The mere prospect chilled him.
Rubbing his hand over his face, he grappled with the reality that the mysterious blackguard who shot him had given him the greatest gift.
After all, he hadn’t died and would make a full recovery with rest and time.
Though some person had tried to kill him, it was Lottie who was delivering him the final blow.
She was forcing him to forget that which he most craved. Quelling the need for her was like a dead leaf attempting to resist blowing away on the fall breeze. Impossible. Senseless.
Perry had no idea how he would survive losing her a second time.