Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Charlotte cautioned herself not to get too excited or be deceived by his enthusiasm.
This was a ruse.
Their marriage was strategic.
Part of a plan to pave the path for a successful integration of their child into society.
Over the years to come, the whispers would quieten, and by the time Aurelia was ready to be introduced and make an advantageous match, she would be seen as the daughter of an earl.
Niece to a duke and marchioness. The origins of her birth would not be forgotten but tolerated.
They would have more than enough for a significant dowry, and her future prospects would be much better than they currently were.
“Then you will dower her when the time comes?”
“Of course. She is my child.”
“Is she your only child?” Charlotte held her breath at the question.
“Yes, unless there are more secret children hiding in the shadows, waiting to be discovered. I have indulged in brief affairs since the death of my wife. I will not deceive you. None of those have led to any offspring.” Perry blushed at the admission.
Uncomfortable at knowing the details of his intimate life, Charlotte focused on her skirts, smoothing them out as she mused over her growing list of concerns.
“If I marry you, I will lose everything I’ve grown accustomed to in my life here at Fermoy,” she said quietly. “I’ve brought shame to both our families.”
There would be real consequences to letting her life be taken over by this strategy.
She would lose the stability, the comfort, and the safety of her private world on the estate.
At times, she disliked the loneliness, but what if she missed the solitude?
As the Countess of Winchester, her entire life would be under the scrutiny of the ton.
Her clothing, her grace, the way she danced, if she laughed the correct way, or spoke with the loveliest tongue.
Pressing his lips in a tight line, Perry shook his head.
“There is no shame in our friendship. I treasure the memory of the time we shared. Those were some of my happiest moments. Please allow me to right some wrongs by protecting you and our daughter with my name. It is only right.” His brows gathered as he waited for her response.
“In the past, I was left with little choice but to accept my destiny and I grew comfortable with it. Marrying you would be a complete reversal of my fortunes. What if I am shunned by society?” She could not deny that there was some risk to his proposal.
The future she had envisioned would be erased.
Perhaps that wasn’t a terrible thing.
The comfort she had in the predictability of her days?
Gone.
With a huff, Perry stood and walked to the window. She knew he looked upon the beauty of her garden. She was attached to each bloom, each stem, each root. They were as much a part of her as Aurelia was.
How could she explain how enamored she had become with her life on the estate?
She would miss it dearly if they left. When they left.
There was freedom in being rejected by society.
Charlotte pondered if he even noticed the foxgloves standing proudly in bloom.
Or the way the new roses she planted were finally starting to show signs of settling and developing several new branches of lush growth.
Would he ever care for the amount of time she had put into that garden, how she and Aurelia had played in the muck, enjoying long hours of digging up flower beds and putting their own stamp on them?
Happily earning each freckle scattered across her cheeks.
Regardless of how she had ended up buried in the country, she created a life here that she loved.
Placing a hand to her face, she wondered what her mother would think of her freckles. They were always worse this time of year. She hadn’t planned for a reintroduction to society.
Perry cleared his throat and turned. “If you recall, madam, we have both been deprived of choice in this situation. Mayhap you weren’t at fault in the past, but to deny me access to my child at this present time would be unfathomable.
Keeping Aurelia from taking her place, assuming her true name, and reveling in the life she is entitled to would be depriving her of the comfort and security any parent would want for their child.
Our child.” He gave her a stern gaze, his face taking on the airs of the powerful Earl of Winchester.
There would be no room for negotiation, though she would have her voice heard.
“I was sent to the country to recover from my illness. When I learned of my condition, my fate was sealed. I was alone here until our daughter arrived. If you take us away, you will be plucking Aurelia from the only home she has ever known.”
She failed to mention that Aurelia’s world would open up to the opportunities only available to the child of an earl. Though Charlotte protested wanting a choice, she knew she had none.
Perry made a face, his frustration returning, if she judged by the way he balled his fists at his side.
“She will adjust, as have many children growing up in the lap of luxury. You may stay with her, but only if you do not interfere in our relationship. She is my daughter and I would have her know me.”
“There is one detail we will have to account for,” Charlotte said, her brows creased in dismay. She wrung her handkerchief in her hands, the knots a twin to the ones she was feeling inside her chest. “Aurelia believes her father is dead.”
Perry cursed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Is there no end to these lies?” He scrubbed a hand over his face.
“I could never tell her she had a father and he didn’t want to see her.”
With a growl, Perry paced the length of the room, slowly but steadily. He had to understand the lack of choices she had at the time. Her response to her daughter’s question was simple and it made sense.
Now, it created a bit of a challenge for explaining the living, breathing man who stood before her.
Perry was very much alive. Charlotte averted her gaze to keep from ogling his body in his robe.
Yes, he was weakened by spending days in bed, but there was no way to avoid his tall, strong physique displayed through the fabric.
Charlotte hadn’t even had a moment to consider the physical demands of agreeing to be his wife.
It was hard to imagine their connection being the same after this much time apart.
He had gathered years of experience, most likely with beautiful women who threw themselves at him.
Meanwhile, his prospective wife had a clear adoration for cakes around her waist and a few too many mornings spent in the sun on her skin.
She was hardly the ideal beauty. Or the ideal countess.
Her appearance was all wrong. When she had come out in society, she was deemed plain, but somewhat desirable for her lineage.
In no way was she the darling of the ball.
She never glowed under the harsh gaze of society. She only dimmed.
The tension in his broad shoulders and the hand carelessly gripping his mussed hair told her that she pushed him to his limits. Though she would never admit it to a soul, she was happy to see someone else suffering for their past deeds. She was no longer alone.
“How did I die?” Perry inquired, cupping a hand over his chin.
“In the war,” Charlotte admitted guiltily. “I thought it made sense that as a second son, you were a soldier.”
“Which war?”
Charlotte shook her head and hid her face in her hands, overwhelmed by his relentless questioning.
“She is but nine years old. She has never asked me that question, so I had no reason to take the lie any further,” she replied, her skin heating with shame.
Though appearing like a devious woman, she only told the lies she needed to.
“Very well, I will be found. Perhaps I was captured. It is a miracle. You will support my story. We will be married in secret, and our daughter will never need to know the truth,” he spoke plainly.
“I will inform my siblings to keep the details to a minimum if they are ever questioned. When Aurelia is old enough, we can explain in more detail.”
Charlotte shook her head, drowning in the sea of lies her life had become.
“Come now, Charlotte, a lie for a lie. Don’t act like it is beyond your scope of ability. We are simply making things right for Aurelia.”
Leaning her elbows on the table, she buried her head in her hands.
Her thoughts scattered like dandelion seeds on the breeze.
Desperately, she reached for the small bits of truth that remained.
All she could see were lies. A marriage of convenience.
A husband returned from the dead. A secret child.
A story of lost love found. She was moving from one deception to another.
Was there anything in her life that was real?
A gasp was torn from her throat as hands touched her thighs. She looked down to see Perry, on his knees. The Earl of Winchester was on his knees. Should he even be on his knees? He should be in bed.
“Please, help me make this right for Aurelia,” he pleaded. “I cannot do this alone. I need your help. Marry me and all will be well. I promise.” He came forward, his hands snaking around her waist, and he rested his head in her lap. “It will be as it always should have been.”
Unbidden, she stroked his hair as she considered.
For years, she had missed this man. It pained her to deny him anything.
Though he would never know it, there would be no acting when she spoke of a lost love returned. Even if time and circumstances had kept them apart, a small flicker of the affection she once bore for him always remained. Every part of her body begged her to see this through.
To revel in the delight of being his once more.
Properly his.
Even if it was merely a fa?ade they were projecting for the benefit of their daughter. He had been clear about his motivations. There were no declarations of love, only tenderness for what they had meant to each other a long time ago. He treasured their friendship.
We are simply making things right for Aurelia.
The words thrummed inside her mind. This was an arrangement for their daughter. A marriage to assuage his guilt. Nothing more. She would do well to never forget it, lest she end up feeling the same pain of losing him, as she had many years ago.
“Please, Lottie.” The words were spoken softly, a plea sent directly to her heart. His gaze held hers, making an unfavorable answer impossible. “I need to make amends for the past. I cannot do it if you will not let me.”
She appreciated how he acted as though she had a choice.
It would be foolish to pass up the chance to become an accepted member of society once more.
There was no doubt her family would be delighted upon her return.
Scandal or not, she would be a countess.
Though her daughter would not benefit from the same status as a child born within the confines of marriage, her future prospects would improve greatly.
Perry closed his eyes as her fingers wound their way through his hair.
How she had once loved touching the silky strands…when they kissed, when they lay together.
She stifled a sob. What a fool she had been to think she had a choice in this. “I will.”
Perry lifted his head and gave her a devastating smile that squeezed her heart.
Rather than return the smile, she tore herself from his arms, needing a moment to clear her mind.
“Wait,” Perry called to her.
“I need a moment,” she said breathily as she sought the door to the room. Clutching a hand to the doorjamb, she looked back. Perry was still on his knees, a bewildered expression on his face
It was for the best. He was not yet recovered and needed more rest. She had to leave the room before she remembered any more of the feelings his presence aroused.
Dusting off the memories of their past was an act of pure torture.
The happiness she had enjoyed had been as powerful as it had been fleeting.
It would be imperative not to get caught up in those familiar sensations and give away more than she had already.
After all, Perry did not ask her for love.
He asked her to play a role. This was a marriage of convenience.
For Aurelia.
Charlotte would do best not to forget the terms of the arrangement.
Walking briskly from Perry’s room, she escaped unseen to the safety of her bright blue and white bedroom, where she collapsed on her bed.
Then, she let the tears flow quietly into her soft feather pillow.
She mourned the precious peace that had been shattered by her lust, her greed, her desperate need for the man who tempted her beyond reason.
The situation was of her own making. If she had stayed away or sent him to Bodmin to recover, he would never have discovered them. Her secret would have remained intact. She would have remained alone and content with Aurelia.
Charlotte failed to acknowledge that there would be a time in Aurelia’s life where her future would have to be decided, and this was one of the major shortcomings of her original plan. With his proposal, Perry had offered her a perfectly reasonable solution to her future quandary.
Charlotte both loved and despised him for it.