Chapter 38
I ’d been in several situations where my nerves should’ve shot through the roof, but they never did. I had a particular talent for keeping calm under moments of high stress. As a Commander, it was expected. Which is why I knew the conversation I was about to have with my Regent was one of the most important of my life. Every single one of my nerves fired with each step I took down the pathway between the vines, my breath quickening. I heard the low murmur of voices before I found them next to the oldest vine in the vineyard, Baba’s arms moving animatedly, as he often did when he discussed our family’s vineyard.
“Hello there,” I called out to them.
“Oy. Guali . I was just telling Cathan about the Eliron vine.”
I know , I wanted to tell him. I tried and failed to hold back my grin. “ Bibi is summoning you all. Dinner is nearly ready.”
“Wonderful. My stomach was beginning to riot,” Baba said, rubbing circles on his stomach.
I cleared my throat. “Uh, Cathan. I wondered if I might have a word with you privately?” I could feel the heat crawling up my neck and thanked the goddess for the darkening evening sky above us. The look the two shared and the smirks didn’t help my cause.
“Of course,” said Cathan.
“I’ll leave you all to it then,” Zorito said, giving me a firm squeeze on the shoulder as he passed me by.
“Winning people over, as usual, I see,” I marveled.
Cathan shrugged cheerfully. “If the man is about to become part of my family, I figured I’d better warm him up a bit.”
“Ah, so you already know what this is about then?”
“How could I not? I don’t think I’ve ever seen my daughter so happy.” He sighed. “And you forget, I was once a bonded male as well. I can see the signs. Truthfully, anyone with eyes can see what’s happening between the two of you.”
I threaded a hand through my hair. “You should know that I believe Asherah is extraordinary.”
Cathan nodded. “That she is.”
“And I have grown to respect and love her.”
I could just make out the severity of his gaze. “I hope you do. Respect and love are essential, but so is knowing what’s to come, what’s at stake,” Cathan said in a tone that left no room for anything but the seriousness surrounding her troublesome future. “So, before you tell me of your intentions to present yourself with my daughter before the Bohiti, I have a few things of my own to tell you. Because being the bondmate of a Queen will come with its own set of challenges, ones I know first-hand.” Cathan picked a hanging leaf from a vine. “Do you know how long I was bonded to Neleah before her death?”
I rubbed a hand down my face. “Over five hundred years?”
“Five hundred thirty-seven years, two hundred twelve days, and seven hours, give or take. Every moment of that time was spent loving her, protecting her. But it was also spent answering to her. If she needed me in the Above World at her side, I was there. If she needed me at Queens Council, I was there. I was there if she needed me to look after Asherah while she handled matters in Atlantis or with the human delegation. When she asked me to keep Asherah a secret, I vehemently disagreed. Yet, I folded because, as Queen, her decisions superseded mine.”
I let that information sink in for a moment. I’d never considered that Asherah would have complete power over our decisions, but I also didn’t think she’d ever override a life-impacting decision like hiding a faeling. But becoming the Guardian of the Realms meant there were severe decisions we’d have to make. It meant being able to work as a team as we both set out to answer the goddess’ call.
“I can see I’ve struck a cord.”
I shook my head. “It’s just that,” I sighed, knowing I couldn’t divulge what we had discovered, “without being in the situation, it’s hard to determine what she’d do. Asherah…she’s…I’d like to think she’s different from her mother, but in truth, you’re the only one who’d know that. So I ask you, do you feel your daughter would act the same as Neleah did with you?”
“She might,” he said, crossing his arms. “And you’ll need to decide how you’d react if she did. I agree. Asherah is a different person from Neleah. I’d like to think I had something to do with it, but only the goddess knows. I hope the two of you continue learning how to grow together and communicate beyond whispered words of love and lust. Those two things can only take a relationship so far. You’ll need something more if you’re expected to go through whatever the goddess has in store for the both of you.”
Did he know? It certainly sounded to me like he did.
“I loved Neleah. The goddess chose my bondmate well, without question. But I must confess, we had moments in our relationship that were incredibly frustrating, moments that Asherah is completely unaware of. I have never and will never speak ill of her mother in front of her. I never wanted her to feel the tension that had built between Neleah and me from time to time. That wouldn’t have been fair to her. But the emotional pain I felt was a genuine thing, and there were quiet moments when I questioned whether I could continue on the way we were. But there was no way out. Once the bond is set, there’s no erasing it. It’s there for the rest of your lives. And it will let you know when it’s unpleased that you are away from your bondmate—like a sentient being within you. Your need for her will scream inside you, and if she is off doing her duty? There’ll be nothing you can do to ease the ache.”
“I don’t plan to leave her side.”
Cathan scoffed, shaking his head. “You may not plan to, but it will happen. Of that, you can be certain. Can you handle that?”
“If I must. I’ll do whatever it takes,” I declared fiercely.
“And are you prepared to put yourself second?”
My brows furrowed. “If you ask if I’m ready to put my Queen and bondmate first, the answer is unequivocally yes.”
The corner of Cathan’s mouth twitched as he gave a nod. He closed the distance between us and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Then you are ready, guali .”
My heart squeezed, and I swallowed the knot that formed in my throat. “Thank you,” I croaked.
“Come. Let’s get back to the others. I suspect you have an announcement to make,” he said with a wink.