Chapter 26 #2
Goodness, she didn’t need the melancholy inevitably paired with those bittersweet memories right now, but it couldn’t be avoided.
Her mouth pressed into a flat line. “I’m sorry.
Excuse me for a minute. I’m going to take a moment outside.
” She motioned toward the entrance near her back.
The need for air was suddenly overwhelming.
“Of course. I’ll find you later.”
Edie pushed through the door, both hands shoving against the frame. That dependable salty air cocooned her instantly in its misty embrace. Sure, it would make a mess of her naturally curly hair that she’d taken forever to style, but she didn’t care at this point. She needed space to breathe.
Across the parking lot, there was a split-rail fence right where the asphalt met the sand. Faster than she should probably attempt to walk in high heels, she rushed toward it, hooking her arms on the rough, wooden top slat to brace herself as she heaved for a big breath.
It wasn’t a panic attack. She’d had several of those in the year following Evan’s death. But she felt on the verge of losing it. Losing her composure. Losing track of her thoughts. It wasn’t that she needed space from Josh. That wasn’t the problem. She just needed to rally her breath.
This gala had been a massive undertaking. Maybe it was the lead up to it that had her bunched up in knots. Maybe it was nerves over the uncertainty of how it all would go. Maybe it was some combination of it all.
But when she heard footsteps behind her, even as the booming crash of waves continued along the shore, she knew.
“Cal?” She turned on her heel too quickly. The stiletto caught on a piece of gravel, knocking her off-kilter and into his arms just before she could fall over completely.
“Whoa there.” He grabbed ahold of her arms. “Hey. You good?”
Was it okay that she loved the feel of his strong hands on her biceps, holding her steady?
Loved the look of concern in his eyes, like his thoughts could focus no other place but on her.
There was so much she loved about Cal, to the point that she even wondered if she might be in love with him.
Was that how it worked? You loved enough individual things about someone that it ultimately added up to being in love?
“You wanted to talk to me?” She stepped back. The fence was the right height for her to lean against, so she propped herself against it for support, sensing she might need some.
“I did, but I was hoping to wait until later. Once things got underway with the gala.”
Because it wasn’t good news.
Edie could read that clearly.
But waiting until later would only make things worse. She needed to know what she was dealing with now, otherwise she would never be able to focus on the event. After all of the work they’d put in, she truly wanted to enjoy herself.
“I’d rather you just tell me now,” she said.
Even though he wore a tailored jacket, she could still see his chest rise with a large breath beneath the fabric. “I’m not sure if it’s best to bring this up right now.”
“I’m not sure if there’s really a perfect time to do this, Cal.” She shivered against the cold. She wasn’t even done shuddering, and he was already busy unbuttoning his jacket to slip it from his shoulders and place upon hers.
Edie didn’t want that. Of course, it helped ward off the chill, but if Cal was cutting things off, she certainly didn’t want to be wrapped up in his clothing, his familiar scent clinging to the collar and making her heady with needy memories.
“I—” he started, but she butted in immediately.
“I should have known better than to think this could ever work between us, Cal.”
His head drew back, eyes full of confusion. “What?”
“The age gap. The fact that you’re the first man I’ve let myself fall for since my husband. All of the drama with Nora. We were doomed from the start.”
Cal’s balance shifted to his heels as if preparing to take a step back. “Edie, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“You didn’t come here to break things off with me for good?”
“No.” He shook his head once. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re acting so serious. Like you have something huge to tell me.”
“I do have something huge to tell you.”
“And it’s not that you don’t care about me anymore?”
“Edie, I cannot think of a scenario in this lifetime when I would ever stop caring about you.”
She could think of plenty. She hadn’t made things easy on Cal. Right now being the ultimate case in point. “You’re not ending things?”
“To be completely honest, I don’t even know where you and I stand right now.
I know we’re not a couple, but the whole thing with Josh.
” Cal’s fingers speared through his hair in an act of obvious frustration.
“All I know is how I feel. And those feelings are big, Edie. They always have been when it comes to you.”
“My feelings for you are big, too, Cal. Confusing at times, but consuming.”
He just nodded like he completely understood this limbo of emotion they found themselves in. “For those reasons, it makes it really hard for me to tell you this.”
“Tell me what?”
His hands were in his hairline again, and she feared he was close to ripping those windswept strands out by the roots if he didn’t rein things in.
“I’ve been given an opportunity that I would be a fool to pass up.
The chance to travel to Florence for six months to study under the best painters out there.
I’ll even get to do some teaching of my own.
It’s a once in a lifetime trip, one I’d be crazy to pass up. ”
“Oh, Cal. I know you’ve always dreamed of going back to Italy.”
“I have.” He reached forward and touched her hand. “But this time, I want you to come with me.”
The weight dropped out of her, her stomach going feather light. “Cal—”
“Please don’t give me an answer right now unless it’s a yes.”
She just looked at him and he knew.
“We don’t have to go as a couple,” he redacted.
“Just two artists eager to learn under some of the world’s best teachers.
I’ve already checked and there’s one spot left in the particular course I’m signed up for.
I’d love for you to come and experience this with me, Edie.
Whether we end up together romantically or not. ”
“Cal.” Her chest ached. Eyes watered. Mouth went dry. She cleared her throat softly. “I can’t.”
“Please, just think about it. You don’t have to give me a definitive answer right now.”
“There’s nothing to think about. Hannah’s due in five months. I can’t be across the world when my first grandbaby is born.”
All hope snuffed out from his eyes. “Of course.” His eyelids snapped shut, jaw tensing. “Of course, I didn’t even think of that.”
“Please know that in any other scenario, I would love to, Cal. It’s just not something I can commit to right now.”
“I completely understand. I’m sorry for not thinking all of that through before I even mentioned it.”
And that right there was the entire issue; when it came down to it, Cal and Edie were and would always be in different places. In their lives. In their professions. In their futures.
“We should probably get back inside.” Cal’s open hand called for hers. She let him take it. “We’ve put so much into this gala that it would be a shame to miss the entire thing,” he chuckled under his breath.
Edie couldn’t help but feel the duplicity in those words, knowing she’d also given so much of her heart to Cal, and realizing that she just might miss out on the best thing to happen to her in a long, long while.