Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-five
Peyton
“Thank you,” she whispers in my ear. “Thank you, for giving me our son back. I’ve not seen him this happy in years.” Jilly clutches me to her, enveloping me in her arms and squeezing me tightly.
“Alright, Mom, you’ve got to let me have her back at some point.” Bennett laughs behind me as he pulls me out of his mom’s arms and into his own. Please, Bennett, please tell me when we get home. Don’t deny me this, don’t be the reason we end.
We’re leaving today, we’ve spent two nights with his parents who are amazing, I’ve felt like royalty these last couple days.
“You’ll see her again soon,” he adds and I can only pray they do. It’s up to you Bennett, we are up to you.
There is a certain face missing from the flight crew on our way home, and I know exactly who is responsible.
Bennett is sitting next to me, his laptop on the table as he catches up with work, work he’s missed over the last couple of days.
I can’t imagine the stress he must be under to run such a successful global company, and then to be able to take time off like he does to spend with me must make it that much harder.
I’m getting some much needed studying done during the flight, and my body is having a much needed rest. I’ve been incredibly achy this morning and it’s only getting worse as the day goes on.
A sharp pain shoots through my abdomen. Ah, shit, now it makes sense.
I quickly rise from my seat and grab my bag on the way to the toilet; sure enough, my period has started.
There’s a knock at the door.
“Peyton, you okay?”
“I’m fine, I’ll be out in a minute.”
A couple minutes later I exit the cubicle to find Bennett perched on the edge of his seat, a worried frown marring his features.
“What’s wrong? You’re in pain, I can see it on your face.” He’s out of his seat and cradling my face in his palms.
“It’s nothing, don’t worry; I just started my period is all. Cramps come with the territory.”
“Oh,” he murmurs “that’s not really something I’ve had to deal with before. Have you got pain killers? I’m sure they’ll have something on board if you need.”
“Well, you’ll have to deal with me being off-limits for the next few days, and yes I’ve already taken some Tylenol.” He growls at my words.
“I can barely go a few hours without being inside you, you think I’m going to go days? Besides, giving you orgasms will help with the cramps.”
“Bennett, we’re not having period sex. That’s…it’s…just no.”
“Sweetheart, there is nothing that could ever stop me from wanting you. Trust me when I say a bit of blood is not going to bother me, and besides, have you forgotten you’re mine to use whenever I want?”
“You’re insane,” I wince as a painful cramp grips me. His arms wrap around me and he carries me back to our seats. I take a few deep breaths through my nose, slowly letting the air out of my mouth. I should have taken the naproxen.
“Are they normally this bad? Peyton, sweetheart, this doesn’t seem normal.”
“It is for me. I told you I have issues,” I grit through my teeth, the pain is really kicking in now.
“Explain,” he demands. After another few deep breaths I answer him.
“When I was about twelve, I had surgery for an ovarian torsion. The doctor we saw before it was diagnosed was terrible; kept telling my mother I was overreacting to a tummy ache. Anyway, it wasn’t a tummy ache and by the time we got to the hospital and they worked out what it was there was too much damage from the lack of blood flow.
During the surgery they discovered I had an ovarian cyst, which was the root cause of it all.
Due to the delay in diagnosis it led to complications and there was a lot of tissue damage; me being able to get pregnant will be difficult.
It also means I have incredibly painful periods.
” He pulls me into his lap and cradles me to him.
“Fuck, sweetheart, I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“People go through worse, I got lucky. I’m still here and it’s not impossible to conceive, just difficult. It’s why I wanted to become a doctor, to be one of the good ones, one of the ones that doesn’t dismiss someone’s concerns, but takes in all the evidence.”
“I’m so fucking proud of you,” he whispers into my hair, “but, you know this is even more reason not to get the shot, right? If it’s going to take us a while, we should start trying now.”
“Christ, Bennett,” I mutter, “we’ve been together weeks, we are not ready for that yet.”
“I am. Apparently I just need to get you to the same place as me.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Give me time,” he grins at me before placing a quick kiss to my lips. He leans over and reaches for my text book; both of us get back to work, but this time I’m curled up in his lap.
I love you. I think the words I still can’t say out loud.
***
We walk through the front door of High Tides a little before dinner time with a delighted D’Artagnan.
We picked him up from Harry’s on the way home; I think he was ready for my little baby to be gone, neither are each other’s biggest fans.
I place him down in the foyer and he runs off to explore and sniff everything again, it’s like it’s his way of making sure the house is safe.
“I’ll pop the bags upstairs and then get started on dinner.” Bennett says as he makes his way to our bedroom.
“I don’t mind getting takeout if you want, we’ve been travelling, you don’t need to cook,” I call after him.
“I want to cook for you,” I hear just before he disappears into the bedroom. I walk into the kitchen and am just pulling two waters out of the fridge when arms wrap around me from behind and a hand presses to my lower stomach.
“Why don’t you put your feet up, you can’t be comfortable right now. Let me take care of dinner while you take care of yourself.”
“I’m fine, Bennett, I’ve been getting on with this for years.”
“Well, now you don’t have to. Let me take care of you.”
“How about I sit at the countertop on a stool instead? That way we can talk, but I’m still sitting down?”
“Fine,” he agrees as he scoops me up and places me on one of the barstools around the large kitchen island.
“I could have walked,” I laugh.
“I’ve told you before, I like carrying you.” He winks at me before he wanders over to the cabinets and begins to prepare dinner. Now or never.
“We, err, we need to talk, Bennett.” His shoulders tense at my words but he doesn’t turn to look at me.
“Yeah? About what?”
“I need to know.”
“That I love you? That you’re it for me? What is it you need to know, Peyton?” He’s pissed, which only makes me pissed. Why is he the only one that gets to ask the questions? Why does he get all the answers while I’m still left in the dark?
“Why you go out at night, why you come home covered in blood. I need you to tell me the truth.”
“No.”
“No? NO? What do you mean ‘no’?”
“Exactly what it sounds like.” He finally turns to face me. “No, I’m not telling you. No, we’re not having this conversation. No, you’re not going to know why.”
“I don’t think you understand the repercussions of not telling me, Bennett. I’m giving you the chance to be truthful here, but you need to understand that we won’t work with secrets between us.”
“We’re going to have to, because this is not something you need to know. I can’t tell you this, Peyton. I can’t do that to you, you need to trust me. Please, trust me that you don’t need to know this.”
“Can we compromise on this in some way? Is there anything you can give me?” I’m near sobbing right now, he has to give me something. I don’t want to leave him, but I will. For my own sanity, I will.
“Just know that everything I do is to keep you safe.” He’s never going to tell me. He’ll never be fully truthful with me and I can’t have a relationship with someone that’s not built on honesty.
“Right,” I whisper as I get up from my barstool and head out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” he calls after me.
“I need a minute.” I don’t know how I manage to get the words out, my throat is clogged with emotion and I can feel a sob building. I pick up my pace and just make it to the bedroom before I break down, before shudders wrack my body, before the fact I’m leaving him hits me.
I give myself a minute before I pull myself together and begin to gather my things.
Grabbing my suitcase I throw my belongings in; clothes, toiletries, everything gets thrown in my case haphazardly.
I look around the room, a room which has been my home for the last two weeks, and make sure I haven’t missed anything.
I carry my case down the stairs and place it by the front door. D’Artagnan has come out to see what’s going on and I take the opportunity to scoop him up. He’s quickly followed by Bennett who freezes in the archway from the kitchen when he sees my case and bag at my feet.
“No,” he rasps, the pain in his eyes is evident.
“I warned you,” I whisper. “I told you I couldn’t live with the lies.”
“I can’t tell you. Sweetheart, I can’t put that on you, I’d do anything for you, but don’t ask me to do this. This I can’t do, not to you.” He walks towards me as he speaks.
“I won’t have a relationship with secrets, Bennett.
You want every aspect of my life, you know everything there is to know about me, but you’re hiding so much from me.
I can’t live like that, that’s not how this is going to work.
You tell me or I walk.” My eyes fill with tears, I don’t want to do this, but I can’t keep living with these secrets, with these half truths.
“No,” he rasps. “Peyton, no, please don’t do this. Don’t leave me.” He reaches for me, pulling me to him, our faces mere inches apart.
“I’m not leaving you, Bennett, you’re pushing me.”
“You’re my everything, you’re my fucking life. Why is that not enough?”
“Would it be enough for you? If I was hiding things from you, if you didn’t have all of me, would that be enough for you?
Bennett, there is no compromise with you, you won’t give me anything.
” I feel a tear fall, feel it track a gentle path down my cheek.
His eyes close but he doesn’t answer, we both know what his answer is, though.
I take a few steps back from him, breaking the connection.
“I hope you find her one day.”
“Who?” he whispers, his broken gaze on mine.
“The woman you’ll one day share everything with. The woman you can’t stand to lose.”
“I can’t lose you.”
“You already have.” With that I turn, grab my bags and walk out the door. I take everything with me, everything except my heart, that I leave with him. It will always belong to him.