Chapter 23
Hush
Seek’s breaths were shaky and when I peered around so I could see her face, I saw her cheeks streaked with tears. That was all it took to know that she was mine. To know that my worry that she’d feel slighted by my love for my late wife was unfounded.
I’d never thought to find another woman that I’d want to claim again, but to have her crying for me, for Daphne, while I told her about the most horrific night of my life settled all my doubts.
I laid my head against hers again. I needed to get the rest of this out.
So she could understand, but also so I could let it go.
Not fully, because there’d always be a piece of me that belonged to Daphne.
The pain and grief, I was ready to release, though.
It’d been weighing me down for years and I was so fucking tired.
“It was my fault.”
She jerked in my arms and turned her head so she could watch me out of her peripheral vision. “How do you figure?”
“I shouldn’t have bought her that damn bike. I could’ve trained her better. I shouldn’t have let her ride without me. Somethin’.”
“Hush,” her tone was soft, but demanding.
“Save it. Everyone has already told me it wasn’t my fault.” Irritation—not at Seek, but the situation—pricked my heart. I didn’t want people trying to ease the guilt and blame. I wanted them to be as angry at me as I was at myself.
“Everyone is right. It wasn’t your fault. It sounds like it was an accident.”
“She was headin’ back toward the house when the flood hit, washin’ over the road.
Took her and three cars with it. Swept them down the wash so fast no one could do a damn thing about it.
People tried to help. No one that was caught up in it survived.
” I paused, letting the old anger and despair back in.
“She loved that bike. Always said she regretted not learnin’ to ride sooner. ”
The sun filtered through the trees and sent a dappled pattern dancing over our legs.
I wasn’t a religious man, but I swear Daphne was listening in on us.
It seemed right to do this here, where she might be able to hear and hopefully understand why I needed to move on.
If I had never met Seek I might have been content to live with my misery for the rest of my life.
This last week without her, though? It just proved how far under my skin she’d gotten.
We hadn’t had much time together yet, but I wanted her…
forever. I already knew it. That’s why I was flaying my heart open and baring my damn soul in the process.
This was more than I’d said to anyone on the subject, even Ari.
“See?” Seek urged. “She loved it. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. No one wants that for the people they love.”
“I have to. Without someone to blame it means it was all just…chance. A cruel fuckin’ twist of fate.” And I couldn’t be angry at her. So that only left myself.
She did a little quarter turn in my arms so she could meet my gaze. I rubbed my thumbs over her cheeks, wiping the wetness from her soft skin.
“Or…her time here was done and you had more you needed to do.” She gave me a sad smile. “I don’t subscribe to any beliefs, but I do know that—as a woman—she would want you to be happy.”
I pulled her in for a hug. I’d had different versions of this talk with Lockout and Ari, and never had it struck this chord inside me. It felt right. It was time. “Sorry for leavin’ you high and dry like I did.”
She leaned into me, her shoulder on my chest, and patted my arm. “With all that kicking around inside of you, no wonder you did. I can’t believe you didn’t run screaming.”
Arching a brow at her, I growled playfully. “I don’t run from nothin’.”
“Uh huh.” Her beautiful blue eyes were questioning as she studied me. “What does this mean, Hush? I can understand now that you may not be ready for anything. But maybe someday, in the future, you’d-”
I didn’t bother to let her finish her statement. Grasping her chin so I could turn her face, my lips sealed over hers and I swear the birds started singing for the first time that morning. Almost like they were rejoicing over love being present in a solemn place like this.
Her hands went to my cheeks as she broke the kiss off. A smile spread over her face when I leaned my forehead against hers.
Which man was she seeing right now? The heartsick widower, or the man who was ready to love again and wanted to claim her and make her his?
Was she seeing both? Were they even different men anymore?
I’d finally come to accept they were both a part of me.
Even though I was ready to move on and set all the old feelings of grief behind, it was going to take time.
Seek was patient. I knew she’d be right there waiting while I dealt with it all.
“I want you. Be my old lady?”
Her laugh rang out and she nodded. “Yes. Though it’s weird to hear that term.”
“You’ll get used to it,” I told her with a smirk. Shoving backward so I could stand, I held my hand out to help her up. “Let’s get out of here. We have more talkin’ to do.”
Her eyes widened and I frowned. She looked shell-shocked as she said in a hushed voice. “You’re offering to talk? More?”
I rolled my eyes and yanked her to her feet, pulling her into my arms. “Won’t happen much in the future. Enjoy it while you can.”
She shot me a sexy smirk as we walked back to the parking lot. “Bet I can get you to talk.”
“Hmmm,” I didn’t take her up on her teasing. Pausing, I stared over my shoulder, saying a silent goodbye. When I turned around Seek’s eyes were brimmed with tears again. “None of that,” I told her, tucking her up against my side, arm over her shoulders, as we walked.
“Thank you for telling me about what happened to Daphne.”
“I’ll tell you more about her if you want.” I shrugged. “Up to you.”
“Please. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk about her.”
We’d reached her truck by this point. My bike was sitting a few spaces down. I stared down into her gorgeous face and knew that she was going to drag me into new experiences. Whether I wanted them or not. “How did you know how to find me?” I asked her.
She nibbled her bottom lip, contemplating on ratting out whoever told her I was here. She didn’t need to worry I already knew.
“Lockout.”
She gave me a hesitant smile then shrugged. “He came to my house and asked me to come give you a chance to explain. I agreed, for a price.”
“Price?” I asked, suspicion clouding my thoughts. What was it she wanted?
“I would come here and he would owe me a favor.”
The scowl crossed over my face before I could stop it and she flinched away from me.
Anger and jealousy battered at me. “What’re you needin’ from him?
” It pissed me off that she’d asked Lockout for a favor, rather than coming to me.
It didn’t matter that Lockout was the president of our club.
It also didn’t matter that I’d dumped her so the likelihood of her coming to me for anything had been slim.
None of that was important to the portion of my mind that wanted to beat the shit out of Lockout because my old lady had asked something of him.
She was on the verge of laughter over my raging jealousy. I was glad she was taking it in stride.
“I’m a possessive man, Seek. I don’t like that you went to him and not me.”
“From now on, I’ll come to you first,” she promised.
She still hadn’t answered as to what she needed from the club.
As hard as it was, I didn’t prod her. I was considering it a gift of good faith.
I’d find out what my woman needed when my brothers did.
It was a hard pill to swallow, but the least I could do since I’d all but tossed her out on her ass after sleeping with her.
“I was goin’ to come to talk with you later today,” I admitted.
She gave me a teasing grin. “You should have told Lockout that. It would’ve saved him a favor.”
“He knew.”
A frown pulled her brows low. “Then why would he send me here?”
“It’s his way of tellin’ me to take care of my shit. Of makin’ sure I did it. He wanted me to make things up to you.”
“Why does he care?”
“We’re family,” I said with a shrug.
She’d soon learn exactly what that meant.
What each of my brothers would do for each other.
For me. And now, for her. The MC was about to become an extended family to her as well.
She hadn’t needed to haggle with Lockout for a favor.
As my old lady she could come to the club with any trouble and we’d make sure to do everything we could for her.
I’d make sure to emphasize later on that she was still to come to me first, but the idea was there.
“Want to come to a barbecue?”
She nodded. “Sure, but I have to go home to potty the dogs first.”
“Bring them with us. The kids will have a blast runnin’ around with them.”
Her smile just about split her face in two. “Really? Okay. They’ll love that.” It was easy to see how much she loved her dogs and hell they were damn near heroes to us since they’d saved Dex.
“I’ll follow you to your place,” I told her, opening up her door for her once she unlocked it.
She leaned over and placed her lips on mine again.
Fire unfurled in my veins as I pressed my body against her.
I had her sandwiched between me and the truck.
If it wasn’t such a public place—and an inappropriate one for other reasons—I’d take her right here.
Instead, I let both of us come up for air and helped her into her truck. I couldn’t wait to get her alone later.
* * *
Seek stepped out of the truck and looked around before opening the back doors so her dogs could jump out. They stuck close as we walked out toward the back of the property. Behind the clubhouse we had grass, a grill, picnic tables, and a kids’ playground.
Not too many of our brothers had children yet, but there were enough that Lockout had put it up for them to play on during family events. Almost everyone was already here, lounging around, talking and drinking.
All eyes landed on us as we walked around the building. My arm was over Seek’s shoulders and I could see more than a few grins due to that. Most of my brothers were watching us with satisfied looks on their faces. Considering too many of them had butted in when it wasn’t wanted, I wasn’t surprised.
A squeal split the air and Dex came running over.
He dropped down in front of Auron and flung his arms around the dog’s neck.
Auron stood stoically, looking proud and happy to be hugged.
Jecht danced next to them, darting in to lick Dex’s face wherever he could.
Giggles echoed through the air and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You need to get that kid a dog,” I told Dash as he walked up.
“Wish we had the time for one,” Dash replied. “Jamie, nice to see you again.” There was a devilish look in his eye because the last time they’d seen her was when I’d pulled her through the clubhouse a week ago and straight up to my room.
My dick hardened just thinking about what we’d gotten up to that night. “Excuses. Kids and dogs belong together.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He handed me a beer, which I accepted gratefully. It was hot as hell out here. The guys had set up pop up tents for shade, but the sweat was already sliding down my back.
Seek had taken Dex a few feet away and handed him a tennis ball. She and the boy threw the ball for Jecht while Auron laid at their feet, watching over the proceedings like a king.
“Glad you brought her by.” I turned and watched as Lockout, Riptide, and Priest walked up.
“Be back,” Dash said, moving over to Seek, Dex, and the dogs.
He knew when to get the hell out of dodge.
The entire club was aware of the tense vibes surrounding me and these three since I’d gotten home.
Now that I’d accepted that Seek was mine, I hoped they’d turn their attention elsewhere.
Either that or we needed a mission to keep them busy. Anything to keep them off my back.
“Not like you gave me much choice,” I told Lockout with a frown.
I would’ve had Seek here with me by the end of the day anyway.
The plan to go to her house after I visited Daphne at the cemetery had been decided last night.
That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to give Lockout shit.
If I didn’t, he’d be forever meddling in my life.
Then again, I don’t think I could have explained things better than I had this afternoon and doing it in the cemetery had hit just the right chord.
His grin was unrepentant. Riptide and Priest frowned at each other. “Why?” Priest asked, indicating that they hadn’t been a part of Lockout’s plan.
“I sent Jamie over to him,” Lockout answered, folding his arms over his chest. There was a stubborn look on his face. The one that said he knew he was right for what he’d done and he’d do it again.
Riptide chuckled and shook his head. “Looks like you were getting it from all sides. No wonder you’ve been a cranky bastard.”
We all watched as Jecht barreled right into Dex, knocking him on his ass. The laughter was a good indication the kid was fine. Dash picked him up and brushed him off while Seek checked him for injuries.
“So…is it official?” Priest asked.
“She’s my old lady.” I didn’t beat around the bush pretending I didn’t know what he was asking. That would just mean I’d have to hear them talk about it more.
The others grinned and continued giving me shit while my woman threw a ball for her dogs and talked with the two girls who’d finally kicked their shy streak and had circled around her, asking questions. With every passing moment I felt another piece of my burden being lifted.