Chapter 29
Seek
The next morning, I knocked on the door then walked into Mom’s house. “Mom!”
“Back here, Honey!” she called out from the depths of her house.
I wandered back and smiled when I found her in her scrapbooking room.
She and her circle of friends loved to scrapbook.
She was sitting down, organizing large containers filled with stickers and other assorted items. Sometimes I thought that she only took pictures so that she could make the scrapbook—not for the memories in them—just to make the pretty book.
I suspected that this was the real motivation of all scrap bookers.
“Hey,” I said, coming up behind her and kissing the top of her head.
“Hi, baby,” she replied with a smile as she continued organizing.
“Everything sort of happened out of the blue yesterday. I thought maybe we should talk about it.”
She sighed and set her stickers down. “I’m sorry if I seemed out of line. I’m just worried about you,” she admitted.
Worried about me, or worried about my womb drying up before there were grandbabies? Or worse, worried that those little babies would be in leather cuts and ride dirt bikes?
She couldn’t seem to decide if she wanted Hush to stick around just for the fact that I hadn’t brought anyone else home. Or, if he was a little too much bad boy for our family.
She always worried for me and I knew she loved me and Jo more than herself. She’d proven it over the years by dedicating her entire life to us. We both wanted her to take some time for herself. To stop worrying about us finding men and maybe find a partner of her own.
She hadn’t been out on a date since Dad died and that was a long time to be alone.
Even though she had us, that couldn’t be enough.
She had to be lonely, especially with us being older and beginning to find men of our own.
Soon we’d be raising families. She needed to find someone to spend the rest of her life with.
It’s something I’d spoken with her about many times.
Usually, she just waved me off, not wanting to hear it.
I was hoping that maybe she’d finally listened and would give Michael, from the VA, a chance.
“I know you worry, Mom, but I think you’ll actually like Hush if you get to know him.”
She and Hush might actually find out they had a lot in common considering they’d both lost a spouse. Maybe someday they could share their experiences. For now, I was just grateful she’d tried to be polite and learn about Hush at dinner. Even if her way was inherently nosey.
There was doubt written all over her face as she stared at me.
“Mom. I’m an adult and I can choose a guy on my own.”
“I know that. It’s just…he’s so much older than you. And in a motorcycle gan- club.”
I smiled and rubbed my hand over her arm in affection. She was trying and I appreciated that. “I know it’s different, but Hush is too. He’s so much better than the men I’ve dated before, or guys my age. He’s got his shit together.”
“Jamie! Language.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “Sorry. He has his act together. He treats me well, Mom.”
“You haven’t known him very long.”
“That’s true.” And I’d bite my own tongue off before I mentioned how he’d dumped me the morning after sleeping with me.
Grieving widower or not, my mom wouldn’t take kindly to hearing he’d done that.
I made a mental note to speak with my sister and make sure she didn’t let that little tidbit of information slip to Mom.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I told her and sat down at her table.
“He’s…different. He makes me feel-” I shook my head.
How could I describe this to her without embarrassing either of us?
I couldn’t tell my mom about the physical way Hush affected me.
“Well, he makes me feel.” I emphasized with a dramatic fling of my arms.
Her smile was knowing and she patted my hand. “I know what you mean.”
“You do?”
“Oh, yes. It was the same with your father. All that man had to do was speak to me and butterflies would take off in my belly.”
I laughed along with her. She really did get it. “It’s the same with Hush,” I admitted. “There’s a lot of things that I love about him, but his voice just does something to me.”
The smile slipped off Mom’s face and that’s when I realized what I’d said. My breath caught and my jaw worked, but no sounds came out.
“You love him?” she asked.
There was no denying it. I hadn’t said the word knowingly. I’d never said it to a man before. The fact that it slipped out in a conversation with my mom is how I knew the emotion was genuine. And terrifying.
“I do.” It was easy to tell her. The thought of telling Hush made my palms sweat. He’d think I was insane, saying I loved him after we’d been together such a short time.
I couldn’t explain how it’d happened, but I think a lot of it had to do with my dad.
Hush reminded me so much of him. Of what I remembered of him.
John Simmons had been a kind man. That was my biggest take away from my father and Hush had that in spades.
Sure, he was dangerous and protective, but I liked that about him.
It was thrilling to be dating a man who knew how to protect others.
It’s what made his kindness so genuine. He didn’t have to be.
He could take whatever he wanted in life.
Instead he chose kindness and restraint. At least for those he cared for.
Him being in the MC and their activities didn’t bother me.
I worked with the police, but I wasn’t a cop.
I’d followed the law growing up because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?
Not because I felt some obligation toward authority.
The way I saw it, the MC being vigilantes just helped put bad guys behind bars, or they disappeared altogether.
In my mind, if criminals were hurting others, they deserved what they got.
Mostly, I just planned on not asking about it too much.
If Hush wanted to share, I was fine with that.
I’d talk with him about it and give helpful advice if he needed it. Otherwise, that was his business.
Ari had mentioned that her club had the officers’ women in during church and they got to help the club make decisions.
The other women had laughed when I asked if it was the same at this club, then explained that what the club did was the guys’ business, not the old ladies.
We were in love with MC members, we weren’t members ourselves.
I understood the difference between the clubs and I was fine with that. I didn’t want to be a part of the MC. Hush was all I wanted. I had no objections to helping them if they needed something, especially since they were going to help me, but I wasn’t a patched-in member and didn’t need to be.
Mom sighed, pulling my attention back to her. “I hope you know I’m happy for you.” She grabbed my hand and held it. “All I’ve wanted for you girls, is to find a love like I had with your father and have families.”
That brought up a point that I’d been wanting to ask her. “I know, Mom and we love you for it.” I waited a beat, then asked. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”
“Of course not.” She went back to organizing stickers, the matter worked out as far as she was concerned.
“If you knew, before you met Dad, that he was going to die so young…would you still have chosen to meet him and fall in love?”
Her eyes flashed up to mine and I saw surprise and sadness mixed there in her gaze.
“Oh, sweetie. Yes. I would give up nearly everything I have to be held by him once more. I would never choose not to share the time we’d had together.
” Her face softened. “I loved him so much. I think that’s why it’s been so hard to find someone else. I haven’t been ready.”
“And are you now?”
“Ugh,” she made a face. “I don’t know. I’m too old to date. Set in my ways.”
I chuckled and shook my finger at her. “No you’re not. And guess what?” She lifted a questioning brow at me. “If you come home with a man who’s twenty-one years younger, I’ll give you a high five and keep my mouth shut.”
“Jamie!” she gasped, then started laughing. Her cheeks turned pink and my mouth dropped open. “Mom?” I asked, an incredulous note in the word. She refused to look at me. “Mom,” I said sharply. “Is Michael younger than you?”
Her cheeks flooded a deeper red. “Oh my God, he is!” I glared at her. “Here you are giving me a hard time about Hush and you’ve got yourself a younger guy.” I clucked my tongue at her.
“He’s only six years younger,” she finally admitted. “Not twenty-one.”
“Hmmmph,” I responded. “Well, when do we get to meet him?”
She huffed at me, not at all happy about being on the receiving end of the treatment she gives us.
Before I could dig anymore information from her, my phone rang. “Hang on, I’ve got to get this.” It was my work phone.
“This is Jamie,” I answered.
“Seek.” I recognized Tommy’s voice immediately. “Can you come help with a search? It’s out at The Silverbells.”
The hairs on the back of my neck lifted as I replied, “Of course. I’m not at home, but I’ll head there now and meet you out there.”
He rattled off GPS coordinates on where to meet him and I typed them into my cell phone. “I’ll be there soon.”
“Thanks, Seek.”
The line cut out and I turned to face Mom. She was watching me with an intense gaze. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just have to go out on a Search and Rescue.”
“Be careful, Honey,” she said as I walked over and gave her a hug.
“Love you, Mom.”
“Love you, too.” Her voice floated down the hall because I was already running to get to my truck.