Chapter 5
Sloane
Idipped the rag back into the bowl of water and gently separated the shredded pieces of Derek’s shirt with my free hand.
It was being held together solely by the collar, the rest a torn mess that was sticking to the blood seeping over his skin.
His back was a crisscross of torn flesh.
He’d bear these marks for the rest of his life.
I knew, because I wore them as well. We all did.
Though my marks decorated the majority of my body.
Most people only endured one or two whippings other than their initiation.
It was a favorite punishment of Ethan’s.
But since I stepped in regularly for others and received their punishment, I had more than most.
No one escaped the ‘initiation’. Thankfully, Ethan waited until the children were eighteen to induct them into The Order officially, but otherwise the only non-scarred flesh here was his.
I, of course, got my scars earlier than that.
It had taken a lot of persuasion, and additional scars, to convince Ethan to wait until the kids were eighteen.
It was one of precious few victories I'd had here. If you could consider it a victory.
I cut away Brother Derek’s shirt and paused at the expanse of muscle I uncovered.
My eyes widened and I looked down at him with renewed interest. He wasn’t bulky like Bruce and Jacob, but he had muscle stacked on muscle nonetheless.
I hadn’t been expecting it. It had probably kept his injuries from being even worse.
Ignoring the funny fluttering feeling in my belly, I dabbed the wet cloth onto his back.
The gasp tore from my throat when he jerked around and snagged my wrist, glaring at me.
He’d gone from completely unconscious to…
this. There was a feverish look in his eyes, so I was sure he wasn’t fully aware of what was going on, but as soon as his gaze landed on me the anger on his face softened.
He looked down at where he was holding my wrist, the dripping cloth dangling from my fingers.
I didn’t like for most people to touch me.
Throughout my life most touches had been filled with pain and anguish.
But his touch? It had my pulse racing beneath my skin.
That fluttering was back in full force. Why was I having this kind of reaction to him?
I wasn’t sure what my body was trying to tell me, other than to pay attention to the man in front of me, but I knew I’d never experienced it before.
No man had made me feel more than anger or disgust. Yet here I was, sitting beside him, with some unknown emotion battering at me like a storm.
It was building up inside of me and I was afraid to look too closely at what it might mean.
Brother Derek’s fingers squeezed my wrist, reminding me that we were silently staring at each other.
His hand was touching a large corded scar that wrapped around my wrist. It’d come from being tied up for countless hours while I awaited a severe punishment.
I’d thought, at the time, it would be the end of me.
Somehow, my mother had managed to talk Ethan down on the severity of the punishment.
I never found out what she’d offered him that had changed his mind.
“I need to clean your wounds before I put the poultice on them, Brother Derek,” I told him.
My voice was soft, as though I were soothing a raging beast. I managed to project a calm demeanor even though my body was rioting.
The grip on my wrist and the wild eyed look spoke to me of danger and death.
The place between my legs grew damp, making my eyes widen as a flash of pleasure pierced my core.
Gasping, I pulled back, but Derek’s hand tightened on mine.
Every touch seemed to wring a direct response from within me.
It was unusual. When I’d been a teenager, the other girls had spoken in whispers about what it felt like to pleasure themselves.
They’d spoken of urges and desires and I’d remained quiet, because not once had I experienced what they spoke of.
Was this…desire? I’d long since given up on ever hoping I’d enjoy having a man’s hands on me.
But Derek didn’t seem to be the usual kind of man Ethan allowed into his community.
He hadn’t responded to the initiation the way most did.
Bruce and Jacob were the only two who seemed to know what they were doing.
Bruce was only here to increase security after what had happened before.
Ethan allowed him to stay because he was oafish and loyal, not smart enough to ever betray him.
Jacob was as loyal as they came and had proven it over and over before Ethan had allowed him into his inner circle. The man was terrifying, all dark looks and a watchful eye that assured you he’d kill you without remorse.
Brother Derek’s thumb brushed over the pulse in my wrist. It was dancing as fast as a hummingbird’s wings.
I found it hard to breathe while he was looking at me.
He’d stared at me during the initiation as well.
After the first few strokes of the whip the smile he’d worn had faded and something new—and slightly terrifying—had emerged.
I was unendingly curious about this new man and what his role here was to be.
I was expecting a small, mousy man. That was the typical kind Ethan allowed in. I certainly didn’t expect…this.
Even more unexpected was the way he was eliciting these feelings from inside of me.
My nipples had hardened into points and were pressing against my blouse, almost as if they were begging for something.
My core clenched, aching to be filled. I wasn’t completely oblivious to the way between men and women.
Those girls who’d been my friends had filled me in once they’d gotten married, but it’d sounded so awful I couldn’t understand why my body seemed to be preparing me for the act in the way they’d explained.
Derek was a gorgeous man. That was plain to see.
His hair was a mix of brown and gold and stopped down around a square, defined jaw.
He was like the depictions of Greek Gods I’d read about once.
Those icy blue eyes held me enthralled. My reaction to him was unusual, but it would be hard for women to resist his smile.
I was sure of it. The fact that my body was responding to him now was inconvenient and unwelcomed.
Just because the man was good looking didn’t mean I could trust him. He was joining Ethan’s ranks. That meant he was the enemy. Still, as much as I said this to myself, I couldn't fight that I was drawn to him.
He let go of my wrist when I tugged again, shot me one more penetrating look, then laid back down. His eyes were open, though he didn’t seem fully conscious. It would be better for him if he wasn’t awake for this, but there wasn’t much I could do.
Tucking aside my wayward reactions to him, I went back to gently cleaning his back.
The whip had dragged over the stage between each strike, picking up dirt and debris, which was now lodged in Derek’s wounds.
It took far longer than I would have liked, but I finally had strips of clean cloth—slathered with the poultice—draped over his injuries.
It only took me a few additional moments to leave water on the nightstand near his bed for him. I’d come back and help him eat later tonight, but mostly he just needed rest. He wouldn’t be comfortable for weeks to come, but he’d live.
Moving toward the door, I froze when his deep voice rumbled through the room.
“Thank you.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I found him—head turned—watching me.
I nodded at him as those new sensations flared to life again, then left his new home.
I always volunteered to help those who’d been initiated.
If I didn’t know them well it gave me a chance to find out about them.
To see if they’d be an ally or a foe. There were only three men here who I semi-trusted.
They never engaged in any of the punishments and seemed to treat their families well.
Most proved my initial fears correct—they were too far gone and brainwashed to be helped.
Most gave away the reasons they were here quite quickly.
Rubbing my hand over my belly, I tried to ease it as it danced.
It couldn’t be possible that a new man could cause this kind of reaction from me and that he would end up being as awful as the men here.
Right? Shaking my head, I prayed that it wasn’t so.
I liked to think my instincts were too sound to fall for something like that.
Then again, I never expected the sensations that were currently washing through my system to ever show up.
Not for me. There had to be a reason I was responding this way to the newest member of our community.
Ethan had begun gathering new followers within the last few years.
At first he’d kept things small, it was easier to control a small group.
Something had changed four years ago. Now there was an influx of new men entering the fold.
With more men being brought on, Ethan had begun pulling in women as well.
The easiest way he’d found to keep women around—because who would choose this lifestyle if they weren’t born into it—was to take in the vulnerable.
He found homeless women and young girls and inducted them into the community.
I couldn’t necessarily blame them. He offered them a home, and protection from abuse.
The scary thing was, they were genuine promises, to some degree.
It was just that everything else that would follow wouldn’t quite live up to the expectation.