Chapter 5 #3
I’d come to realize that the night I bumped into Jacob carrying my mother’s dead body out of our home. He hadn’t bothered to explain. He’d just stared at me in that silent, scary way of his and growled at me that if I told anyone what I’d seen, I’d be joining her.
Confronting Ethan hadn’t granted me any answers and had gained me fresh scars.
It hadn’t been until years later that I’d learned the truth, she’d been planning to get me away from this place.
She’d had everything mapped out in the same little book I now had.
Even though she’d believed in Ethan and this way of life, she knew that she couldn’t let me grow up here.
The guilt from her death had plagued me for a long time. It still reared its ugly head from time to time, but I’d mostly come to the realization that my mother had loved me enough to take the risk. From that moment on I’d taken up her mission and was determined to see it through.
I shrugged, realizing the girls were waiting for my response. “As long as they’re bad men? I’m fine with my husband murdering to protect me and our children.”
The girls seemed to think about that as we all went back to our work.
Audrey was chopping vegetables, Janice was making dough for bread, and Tilly was making an apple pie.
Tilly had a talent for baking. We tasked her with making our desserts each night.
It’d added a few pounds to my hips and thighs, but I wasn’t complaining.
There’d been instances before when the times had been so lean most living here had been skeletons.
I filled out my five-five frame well. I wasn’t waif thin, but I wasn’t what one would consider voluptuous. I considered myself pretty average.
Even during good times, Ethan would withhold rations if his citizens were caught causing trouble. And I was a perpetual trouble maker.
A knock on the door had me frowning. “Just a moment!” I called out as I went to wash the chicken from my hands. Pulling open the door, I froze.
Ethan took that as an invitation to stroll into my house uninvited. He didn’t think he needed an invitation. After all, God didn’t wait for an invitation. Or so he thought. I was shocked he’d knocked.
“Girls,” I told them, voice calm though I was panicking inside. Why was he here? “Why don’t you go to your rooms and get started on your homework?”
They were gone before the words even finished forming. Ethan watched them scurry away, like a fat overindulged cat deciding if he wanted to have fun by chasing scared little mice.
Finally, his blue eyes settled on me. Fear caused me to take a few steps back, but I hid it by turning to the dinner preparations.
I fought not to shake. It didn’t matter that I knew he wasn’t a god.
Or that all of this was bullshit. He still commanded my life and could kill me with a snap of his fingers.
No one here—other than me—questioned him.
Even then, I was very deliberate as to how and when.
I enjoyed breathing and wanted to keep doing it.
I tucked my hair behind my ears. My fingers itched to pull it back into a ponytail, but that was only allowed of the girls under eighteen.
The rest of us had to wear it free, flowing down our backs.
We wore dresses and skirts, because the men demanded it.
When I got out of here I planned to cut my hair short.
Into a pixie cut. I’d seen photos of it on the internet and the urge to control even just the tiniest piece of my life made me want to cut my thick hip-length hair as short as I could.
“Did Brother Derek say anything?”
“No, My Lord.” I folded my hands together in front of me, refusing to show him anything but a calm, peaceful expression. The current beating I’d taken was still fresh in my mind, so I was doing what I could to pacify him. “Would you like something to drink, My Lord? To eat?”
What I wouldn’t give to poison you.
As if Ethan could hear my inner thoughts, he scoffed. “No. Did he wake up?”
I hesitated. Lying here could come back on me, but if I mentioned that Derek had been awake nearly the entire time Ethan might take that as a sign that the other man was too strong. “No, My Lord. He passed out as soon as I got him home. I left him resting.”
Ethan rubbed a hand over his jaw, deep in thought. “Okay.” He walked over to my door and opened it. Pausing, he looked at me over his shoulder with a calculating look on his face.
Unease slithered down my spine. I didn’t like the look. He was planning something. That didn’t bode well for anyone.
Without another word he left the house. It was as though he’d sucked all the oxygen from the house while he’d been here. I wheezed out a breath and set a hand on the counter to steady myself.
The girls peeked their heads around the corner. “Is he gone?” Tilly whispered. She knew he was or they wouldn’t have dared to ask.
I nodded and waved to them. We needed to finish dinner so I could go tend to my patient. I tried to shove Ethan’s concerning behavior from my mind. Just like I tried to ignore the little jump of excitement at the thought of seeing Derek again.