Chapter 20 #2
I was thankful that his guilt wasn’t in question.
Tina’s eyes were all the proof I needed.
But if anyone required more they’d only need to look at Molly.
Her head was down as though she couldn’t stand to look at anyone around her.
The fact that they were forcing her to stand up in front of everyone, in front of her abuser, announcing what had been done to her was horrific in itself.
Add into that having him executed in front of her.
No wonder the people here were beyond fucked up.
No. It was easy to see that this little girl had been violated.
If I had to take Ethan’s word alone of this man's guilt, I doubted I would do what was being asked of me. I’d been trying to stay out of the public punishments.
There were plenty of men who enjoyed participating.
Whether I agreed with why the punishment was happening or not, I’d held back.
Ethan clearly hadn’t liked that. This was his way of remedying that.
Ross’s punishment was being meted out and I was being pulled further into the fold.
I could feel it. Each day the horror of this place dulled.
I could easily see how these people stayed.
It just became their way of life and it didn’t seem wrong anymore.
This was a warning to the entire group. Granted, the message—don’t abuse the kids—was one that I fully supported, but it didn’t matter.
Once I started killing for him, he had me.
After I did this, what would Ethan ask of me next?
Would the next one be as obviously guilty as Ross?
It wasn’t like I had much of a choice either way.
This was how prisoners of war got converted to the enemy's side. One small concession at a time. Each concession made the next one easier. Today’s concession was easy. What would tomorrow’s be?
I was in front of Ross now. The fact that he wasn’t pleading for his life surprised me.
Part of me wondered if he wanted this, though given his crime I wasn’t about to wonder for too long.
He’d crossed a line that was unforgivable.
For all of us. I looked over at Ethan, he gave me a slight nod.
My gaze flicked back to Ross—I was careful not to look at anyone else—raised the pistol, and fired.
* * *
I splashed cold water onto my face and rubbed at my eyes. Opening them, I looked into the mirror. “What the fuck have you gotten yourself into?” This wasn’t the first time I’d asked myself this since getting here. It was the first time I was this scared.
Staring at my own reflection, I watched the water slowly running down my face.
I kept watching myself, waiting for some sort of explanation from the man staring back at me.
No answer was coming. Time would tell whether the things I did here would rival what I’d done in the service of my country, or for my club.
Killing wasn’t the problem. Especially men like Ross.
It was the invasive thoughts and memories that crept in during the dead of night that were the issue.
No matter the reasons for why we did the things we did, there were still consequences.
The price I would pay for my actions here would be worth it if I could rescue some of these people from this existence.
I stepped away, walked out of the bathroom and sat on my bed, untying my boots.
Butcher had warned me about this. That they would have a perverse sense of justice and rules, and in some cases they might be things you would agree with.
Shooting a pedophile was always an easy one.
It never occurred to me that I would be in a situation where I wouldn’t be allies with a pedo killer.
After all, they were protecting kids. Ethan was protecting kids. Right?
Shaking my head, I tried to make it make sense.
They were fine with beating the children into submission, but anything else was grounds for what happened today.
They should all be taken out back and shot just for the beatings alone, but they were right in the other ways.
I blew out a breath, shoulders sagging. I hadn’t been here long enough to wrap my mind around all of this.
I just hoped I didn’t end up as fucked as the rest of these people by the time I got my ass out of here.
“They killed Sherry Holden,” I whispered to myself, dropping my head down and spearing my fingers into my hair. “They were going to kill Caitlyn. He might have been protecting Molly today, but tomorrow he could kill her, kill any of them, for any reason he damn well chooses.”
Coming in here I’d figured I could pretend my way through it easily enough.
That there was no way any part of this Jonestown wanna-be group could sway me.
I certainly wasn’t about to see Ethan as a living God.
But killing Ross was way too easy to justify, and worse, it still felt good.
Felt right. That was the slippery slope I was standing on.
How much of a nudge did I need to end up joining Ethan down at the bottom?
I needed to get us out of here. Only two more weeks. The longer I stayed the more I would kill my own soul in the process. I needed to get Sloane out. As if by mental command, she stepped inside our bedroom. She glided gracefully across the room and sat next to me.
“Are you okay?” She wrapped her arms around me, tucking her body against mine.
Raising my head, I looked over at her. I cupped her cheek.
Her soft skin was always so inviting. Looking into her eyes I knew that I could trust her.
I’d already figured it out prior to this, but now I just knew.
Not just trust with the plan to escape, to help me get her out of here.
I could really trust in her. I could hand her my soul, I could be open with her, and dare I admit it, vulnerable.
I don’t think in my life I’ve ever trusted anyone the way I knew that I could trust her.
“I’m fine,” I reassured her. “But there’s something we need to talk about.”
A confused smile crossed her face. Smiling was her normal response. I knew without asking, it was a way for her to hide all the anger and guilt she felt from living with Ethan.
I leaned forward and kissed her. If it was the last one I’d get after I bared all my secrets to her, then I was going to make it worth it.
We were both breathing hard by the time I pulled back.
Grabbing her hand, I brought her to the kitchen and sat down at the table.
This was going to take a while and I didn’t want to watch her pull away from me if that was her inclination.
Sitting across from her gave her some space to process while I told her my truths.