Chapter 12
‘If you take a left, Simon’s house is a bit down the road. You can drop me there, if that’s all right.’
‘I’ll wait; I can take you to the surgery afterwards.’
Zoe glanced to her side to see Alex’s attention on sweeping beams illuminating the road ahead.
The dark came that bit earlier every evening as the year hurtled towards its end, far too quickly for Zoe’s liking.
Today, dusk had fallen and night had taken hold completely during the short time Zoe had been sitting with Corrine in the kitchen of Hilltop Farm.
She would have made the drive down the hill alone willingly, but in her current state of anxiety, she was glad she didn’t have to.
All would be fine. Everyone had told her what a worrier Tegan was, and the call was probably nothing.
But if Zoe really believed any of those possibilities, why was her stomach in knots?
She’d tried Tegan’s number twice more since, and there had been no answer either time, and that had only made her more desperate to speak to her.
‘There’s no need,’ she said. ‘It’s a two-minute walk – you’ve already been kind enough to bring me down.’
‘How will you get back?’
‘On foot.’
‘In the dark?’
‘Maybe Simon will take me home.’
‘I’ll wait. You said it was only a phone call to check on everything, so you won’t be long, will you? I don’t mind.’
‘What if it’s…?’
‘If it takes longer, then all the more reason for me to wait.’
Zoe couldn’t argue with his logic. If it was more than a quick phone call would fix, then she might need his assistance. It wouldn’t hurt for him to be on hand.
A couple of minutes later, Zoe was letting herself into the darkened surgery.
She’d asked Alex to wait outside. It took a moment to feel along the wall to the light switch, the sudden flood of yellow light forcing her to squint, and then she rushed to her office and switched on her computer.
She stomped her feet and blew into her hands as she waited for it to boot up.
The office was cold, but she was impatient too.
After what seemed like hours, she managed to open up the file containing Tegan’s details and typed the emergency number into her phone. It went straight to voicemail, and she almost squealed with frustration.
‘What’s the bloody point of an emergency contact who isn’t there when there’s an emergency?
’ she huffed under her breath as she switched everything off again.
She’d done all she could do for now and could only hope that Tegan or her husband, whose number she’d just called, would phone her back shortly to let her know it had all been a false alarm and everything was fine.
‘I think I might be overreacting,’ she said to Simon when she took the key back. ‘I’m sorry; it’s just that I don’t know why she’d phone me out of hours if there was nothing wrong.’
Simon gave a reassuring smile as he took the key from her. ‘I’m not going anywhere. If you need me again tonight, all you have to do is call. I’ll keep my phone close by.’
‘Thanks, but I’m sure it will be fine. If I don’t hear anything from them tonight, I’ll pop—’ She slapped her forehead. ‘I’m such an idiot! I’ll go over to her house! It’s on the outskirts of Thimblebury, but that’s like, what? It can’t be any longer than a fifteen-minute drive.’
‘Want me to come?’ Simon asked.
Zoe shook her head. ‘I’ll go and get my car – there’s no point in dragging everyone out.’
‘Is there any point in you going out at all?’ Simon asked pointedly, and though Zoe disagreed, she could see what he was getting at.
Driving to an expectant mum’s house every time she had a missed call from them or a vague feeling of unease wasn’t going to be a sustainable way to do her job in the long term.
But she’d only just arrived in Thimblebury, and she wanted to start out on the right foot.
Besides, the worrying aspects of Tegan’s recent clinic visit were playing on her mind.
‘I know…but I’d feel better if I went over there. If I don’t get any joy, then it will have to wait until tomorrow. At least I’ll know I did my best to be there if I was needed.’
Simon’s look of intense sympathy told her he’d do exactly the same thing. She’d been told by Ottilie how dedicated he was to his patients – often to the detriment of his own well-being – and though she’d yet to see it in any extreme form, looking at him now, Zoe fully believed it.
‘Again,’ he said, ‘let me know if I can assist. I’ll keep my phone close by.’
‘Thanks.’
Zoe walked back to the car, where Alex was waiting to take her back to Hilltop. ‘Could you take me home?’ she asked as she got in. ‘I need to get my car after all.’
‘You’re going out again?’
‘I want to call at someone’s house.’
‘This is your patient? You want to go there now?’
‘I sound crazy, I know, but it would only take half an hour, and if there’s someone home, I can get all this sorted out. I’ll sleep a lot better for knowing.’
‘It’s pointless going all the way back up the hill to get your car, and then for you to drive down again when we’re right here in the village already. Surely it’s better and quicker for me to take you now.’
Again, Zoe wanted to argue, but there was no point.
His suggestion made too much sense. And so she relented and typed the address into the map function on her phone so she could direct him.
The sooner she could get to the bottom of this and confirm it was all a silly misunderstanding, the better, and she said so at least three times as they drove the short distance to Tegan’s house, which lay on the road between their village and the next.
‘This is it,’ she said, pointing out of the window at a large, double-fronted new build.
The garden path leading to the front door was lit by a pair of antique lanterns and flanked by neat beds of flowers.
Aside from the outdoor lighting, the house seemed to be in darkness, and Zoe was disappointed to surmise that nobody would be home.
Despite this, she knocked anyway, waited for a couple of minutes, knocked again, and then made her way back to the car where Alex was waiting.
‘That’s that,’ she said flatly. ‘All I can do now is go home and see if I can get hold of her tomorrow.’
‘You’re annoyed,’ he said.
‘Not annoyed, just frustrated. I don’t think she would have called for nothing, and I don’t see how it was a misdial because she’s never phoned my mobile number before, so it’s not like it would have been on her list of recent calls or anything.’
‘She may only have wanted to ask you about something she wasn’t certain of.’
‘Yes,’ Zoe said, though she wasn’t convinced of that. ‘I’m sure that was all. I’m sorry I’ve made you drive round all night for nothing.’
‘Not for nothing,’ he said. ‘It’s shown me how much you care for your patients. I’m glad to see how good you are at your job; it makes me glad you’re looking after Billie.’
‘She’d be fine with any good midwife,’ Zoe said, blushing at the praise. ‘She’s healthy and young.’
‘She might be healthy, but I think you and I both know she needs special care all the same. She’s healthy, but she’s not strong…’ He tapped his head and then placed his hands over his heart. ‘Not up here or in here. It’s been a tough couple of years.’
‘She’s had you. I think she’s grateful for that.’
‘Fat lot of good I’ve been. I did my best, but I had no clue if it was what she needed.’
‘I’m sure your best was all she wanted from you.’
‘Hmm…’ He was silent as he turned the key to start the car.
Zoe, having seen light through the chink in his armour, wanted more of the picture, but something told her she wasn’t going to get it – at least, not so easily. Like Billie, he seemed slow to trust, and whenever he came close to letting something meaningful begin, he shut it down again.
‘You don’t need to go anywhere else tonight?’ he asked.
‘I don’t think…’ Zoe paused, watching another car slowly pull to a halt a few yards ahead of them. A man got out and went to the gates of Tegan’s house. She tumbled out of the car to follow.
‘Hello… Excuse me… Are you… Do you live here?’
The man turned to her with a deep frown. ‘What are you here for?’
‘I’m Zoe Padbury.’ He showed no sign of recognition, and Zoe cast around her memory for the name of Tegan’s husband. ‘Dennis?’ she blurted out after a gap. ‘Are you Dennis?’
‘Yes, who…?’
‘I’m Tegan’s midwife.’
His stoic, unreadable expression suddenly collapsed into something far more desperate. ‘We tried to phone you.’
‘I know. I’m sorry I didn’t…Is everything OK?’
He drew a breath, as if trying to prop himself up with it, and then shook his head. ‘She’s in the hospital. They say she’s lost the baby.’
‘Are you sure?’ Zoe asked, even though she immediately realised it was the most stupid response to a statement she’d ever given.
Of course he was sure. Of course it was true because the staff at the hospital didn’t say things like that if they didn’t know it for certain.
She felt sick. She should have seen this coming.
She’d been responsible for keeping Tegan and her baby safe.
She could barely look Dennis in the eye as he nodded.
‘They’re keeping her in. I’ve just come home to get some things for her.’
‘Right…’ Zoe looked helplessly at the car where Alex seemed to be following their conversation, though she was glad to see he’d understood the need to keep a respectful distance.
She looked back at Dennis. She could offer to go to the hospital to see Tegan, but the team caring for her there would probably see it as an imposition.
There were midwives who worked both out in the community and in the hospital, but Zoe wasn’t one of those – her remit now was community only.
The hospital team would have it under control, and her presence would only complicate things.
But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to go.
She wanted to go more than anything, if only to lend support.
Tegan didn’t even need that, not really, because she had her husband by her side.
Perhaps wanting to go was more about Zoe than Tegan.
Perhaps there was guilt that needed to be alleviated.
Hard as it was to face, it was almost certainly true. ‘Do you need anything from me?’
‘I don’t think so.’
After a brief hesitation, Zoe gave a short nod. ‘I’m really sorry to hear about it. I’ll phone Tegan tomorrow to see how she is.’
‘Thanks, I think she’d appreciate that.’
‘Everything all right?’ Alex asked as she got back into the car.
‘Yeah.’
When he didn’t restart the engine, she turned to see him frowning at her. ‘You don’t seem sure about that.’
What could she say? She couldn’t tell him what had happened – even if it wasn’t breaking the rules, it wasn’t her place. She’d risked enough getting him this involved and was already beginning to regret her decision to let him drive her around.
‘It’s all sorted,’ she said, finding the effort to make her voice sound calm utterly draining.
‘So you want to go home?’
‘Yes, please.’
Home, where she could reflect on all her failures and spend a sleepless night worrying about how she could mess up the care for all the other women she was meant to be looking after.