Chapter 20 #2
‘She doesn’t have the time of day for anyone,’ Ottilie replied. ‘And she does exactly the same with me. I think she is listening, really; it’s only the way her face looks. I wouldn’t take it personally – it’s just her way.’
‘I don’t,’ Zoe said. ‘So I suppose that’s lucky for me, isn’t it?’
Zoe dropped her phone into her bag before heading out to meet Ottilie.
There was a text message from Ritchie on there, thanking her again for lunch, telling her how much he enjoyed seeing her and then something about some job interview he had the following day.
She hadn’t yet replied because she was thinking carefully about what to say and how to say it.
Every interaction with him these days seemed to cause her more confusion than it ought to.
To a point, she’d enjoyed his company at lunch too, but it had also been fraught with mixed signals and possible misunderstandings, none of which she wanted to repeat if they did it again.
She’d also thought about visiting Hilltop.
In the end, her afternoon clinic had run over, and the decision had been taken out of her hands.
If she’d gone up to Hilltop, she’d have been late for Ottilie.
That didn’t mean that it wasn’t still on her mind.
She would have made it about Billie, but in reality it was about Alex too.
She couldn’t stop thinking about how awkward the meeting in the shop that morning had been.
Alex had been courteous, but the warmth she’d felt from him when they’d been detecting on the fields of Hilltop had gone.
Ottilie had promised to be a friendly ear, but was that what Zoe needed?
Thinking about how complicated the situation seemed anyway, perhaps neighbourly courtesy was the best way to deal with Alex, especially when she added in her professional obligations to Billie, which she knew she ought to keep very separate from anything else.
The way things stood, her friendship with Alex and Billie and her professional relationship with the latter were getting horribly muddled, and that wasn’t how she did things.
She was still turning it all over in her mind when she arrived at Ottilie’s house. Her friend was waiting outside on the path. She waved at the window, where Heath stood, waving back, and then she fell into step beside Zoe.
In anticipation of the quincentenary celebrations, there was a team in hard hats on a cherry picker putting up support structures for what Zoe guessed might be some kind of light display. Someone shouted for them to give the workers a wide berth, and Ottilie rolled her eyes at Zoe.
‘As if we couldn’t figure that out for ourselves.’
‘Let them feel important,’ Zoe said with a light laugh. ‘I’m surprised they’re out in this weather doing anything at all.’
‘And it’s dark,’ Ottilie said. ‘Someone said it was all being rushed along, and it looks as if that’s true. Either way it should be fun. Fliss mentioned us having a fundraiser on the day – raffle tickets and that sort of thing. You’ll be able to lend a hand, won’t you?’
‘Corrine’s doing something similar and donating the money to the neonatal unit. Do you think Fliss might want to add to that?’
‘I doubt she’ll mind. She’ll have had some ideas of her own, I imagine, but you could have a word with her tomorrow.’
Zoe pulled her coat tighter. It wasn’t cold, but the air was damp, making the temperature seem lower than it was.
‘So, Ritchie…’ Ottilie began. ‘Is he still the prize whinger I remember?’
Zoe’s mouth fell open as she turned to her friend.
Ottilie laughed. ‘Oh, come on! Don’t look so shocked. You have to admit he thinks the world revolves around him. He definitely thinks it owes him a living. Unless he’s had a miraculous personality transplant.’
‘Have you always thought this?’
‘Yes, but you were married to him, so it wasn’t my place to say.
But now you’re almost divorced. I didn’t say anything even then because there’s always that chance that you’d get back together after I slated him, and then it would be really weird.
But since he came over for lunch and you haven’t told me you’ve called the divorce off, I’m assuming this is the point where I can finally tell you what I think. ’
‘We had a nice lunch, to be honest. We’re not getting back together…’
‘I sense a but. Please tell me there’s no but coming.’
‘I think he wants to.’
‘What makes you say that? Was it something he said to you?’
‘Yes. Not directly but…well, you get a feeling for these things, don’t you?’
‘What about Alex?’
‘What about him?’
‘A little bird tells me you spent the day with him on Saturday.’
‘I spent the day with him and Victor. And it wasn’t the whole day, only some of it.’
‘I heard you and Alex got on well. Very well.’
Zoe turned to her. ‘I’m guessing this little bird has a name beginning with C? Ends in E, is married to a man who keeps alpaca and loves to bake?’
‘I’d never reveal my sources.’
‘It wasn’t anything. I went to see the alpaca with Victor, and we ran into Alex, and it seemed like a fun thing to do. I hadn’t got anything else on, and the alternative was cleaning the house.’
‘I bet you cleaned the house anyway.’
‘Well, yeah, of course. I did it later on.’
‘It wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world if you did get with Alex.’
‘How do you work that out?’
‘For one, it would make sure you’re not tempted to give it another go with Ritchie.’
‘Nobody said I was going to.’
‘You didn’t sound very convincing when you ruled it out just now. Which makes me think it’s crossed your mind.’
‘It hasn’t, honestly.’
‘Because I get that it could be tempting. You know him, you feel comfortable with him, you already know what he’s like to live with.’
‘I’m not going to go back to Ritchie!’
‘Good. That’s all I wanted to hear. But you do need a plus one for my wedding next year, don’t forget.’
‘Why can’t I come on my own?’
‘You could, but then I’d have to get you fixed up with Heath’s best man, and, trust me, you don’t want that.’
‘I’ll find someone then. What’s Flo doing? Can she be my plus one?’
Ottilie laughed lightly. They kept their banter up until they got within sight of Stacey’s house.
Zoe still couldn’t get used to how close everything was in Thimblebury after living in Manchester her whole life, and it took her quite by surprise to see that within minutes they’d reached their destination.
When Stacey opened the front door, she was followed by the aroma of fried chicken and coriander.
‘I’ve made nibbles,’ she said. ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten or not, but I’m starving anyway so they won’t go to waste.’
‘You don’t have to try very hard to persuade me to have nibbles these days.’ Ottilie patted a gentle hand on her tummy. ‘This one loves his food, just like his dad.’
Stacey let them in and then took their coats before opening non-alcoholic wine for Ottilie and something stronger for her and Zoe.
‘How’s Chloe doing?’ Zoe asked. ‘I thought she might be home.’
‘She’s staying over at Ollie’s house tonight. Taken Mackenzie with her. I think his parents are driving them to get furniture for the flat tomorrow or something.’
‘I thought she wasn’t going to move out until she’d had the baby?’ Zoe asked.
‘That was the plan, but you know Chloe. She’s seen the place she wants and doesn’t see any point in waiting. It makes sense.’ Stacey took a quick gulp of her drink before going to check what was in the oven. ‘I try not to think about it.’
‘Why?’ Zoe asked, and Ottilie turned to her with the answer.
‘She’s gutted that Chloe’s leaving. Aren’t you, Stacey?’
‘I never thought I’d say it, but yes. She’s a royal pain in the arse, miserable, moody, difficult and secretive, but I bloody love her to death.
Mackenzie too. The house is going to feel massive and empty without them.
’ Her eyes filled with tears that she sniffed back.
‘Stupid cow, aren’t I? It’s not like this day was never going to come. ’
‘You’re allowed to be sad about it,’ Ottilie said.
‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Stacey continued. ‘I’m sure it’ll be lovely having the place to myself when I get used to it. Life will certainly be easier.’
‘Won’t Simon be moving in?’ Zoe asked.
Stacey shrugged. ‘I don’t want to ask.’
‘Why not?’
Stacey turned and leaned back against the kitchen counter.
‘If he wanted to, he’d already have said so.
He knows Chloe is leaving and I’ll have the space, and he’s renting from Fliss so it’s not like he can’t give up his house.
But he hasn’t said a word, so…’ She shrugged.
‘I reckon that’s my answer, and I’m not going to beg. ’
‘Maybe he’s waiting for you to ask because he doesn’t want to be pushy?’ Zoe replied.
‘That’s what I keep saying,’ Ottilie agreed. ‘I wish you two would talk more.’
‘We do talk. Things have been good the way they are over the past few months, and I don’t know if I want to push it somewhere more intense. If I put pressure on him, then that’s what I’m doing, isn’t it?’
‘It’s hardly putting pressure on him to ask if he wants to move in,’ Ottilie said. ‘You’ll have space, and he can give up a place that’s costing him a lot of money. If anything, it’s common sense. Simon would see that.’
‘Easy for you to say. I don’t want him to feel I’m pushing him into it, that’s all.’
‘What do you want?’ Zoe asked.
Stacey gave a half-smile. ‘Now we’re getting to it.
I mean, I’m so into him it’s ridiculous, and that ought to be enough for me to know what I want.
But I don’t. If I’m being honest, it might be about more than pushing Simon.
I’ve never been on my own. I was young when I met Chloe’s dad and we moved in together, and then I had Chloe when he left, and she’s been here ever since, and then Mackenzie came.
I don’t know how to be on my own, and I’m nervous about it, but I think it might be good for me to try.
I’ve spent so much of my life being something to someone else that I don’t even think I know who I truly am.
I think, as well as not knowing what Simon wants, I wonder if I ought to give it six months to find out what I really want. ’
‘There’s nothing wrong with that,’ Zoe said. ‘I have to admit I’m a bit the same. Even when I feel isolated up on the hill, I sense it’s good for me.’
Stacey nodded and then turned to get some pakora out of the oven.
‘Make sure you remember that next time you’re tempted to invite Ritchie over,’ Ottilie said, and Zoe frowned.
‘It’s not like that.’
‘Is that why you’re resisting Alex too?’
Stacey spun to face them. ‘Alex?’ she squeaked. ‘What’s this? You and Alex? Oh, come on, spill it!’
‘There’s no me and Alex,’ Zoe said, shooting Ottilie a withering look. ‘But some people seem to think it’s only a matter of time.’
‘I mean, he is single, and so are you.’
Zoe had to laugh now. ‘What was all that about spending time on your own so you can find out who you are without the influence of other people? It applies to you but not to me, apparently?’
‘I never said you couldn’t have a bit of casual sex while you find out who you are,’ Stacey said coyly.
‘That’s the last thing on my mind!’ Zoe replied, but flushed anyway and wondered if either of the other women believed her for a second.
She hadn’t exactly thought about it, but she couldn’t honestly say that the notion hadn’t briefly crossed her mind on more than one occasion.
There was an intensity in the way Alex looked at her whenever they met.
It was respectful, generous and open, affectionate even.
And yet there was something thrilling beneath all that, something hungry and a little bit dangerous.
Zoe was finding it increasingly difficult to ignore the attraction, and she was only human.
‘Of course it is,’ Stacey said, turning back to tip her nibbles onto a plate before taking them to the table. ‘There’s more coming, but dig in if you’re hungry.’
‘So have you got a date for Chloe moving out?’ Ottilie asked.
Zoe reached for a pakora, juggling it between her fingers because it was so hot.
‘She’s waiting for references to clear for the landlord and then we’ll know. I would think next month is likely. She wants to be in by Christmas.’
‘But she’ll come home for Christmas Day, won’t she?’
Stacey pulled a second tray from the oven. ‘I think so. At least, I hope so.’ She turned to Zoe. ‘It’s good she can still stay under your care when she moves. I don’t think she’d cope with having to get used to another midwife. Thanks for doing that.’
‘I have warned Chloe that I might not be able to get to her if there’s anything urgent, and I probably won’t be able to attend the birth, but in the meantime, if things go smoothly, there’s no reason why I can’t do her routine checks.’
‘She’ll be a better patient than she was last time,’ Stacey said.
‘I hope so!’ Ottilie said. ‘I don’t fancy doing that again!’
‘Of course!’ Zoe said. ‘I totally forgot you helped Chloe deliver Mackenzie!’
‘Not out of choice. And let me tell you, I wouldn’t want to swap jobs with you!’ Ottilie replied with such feeling that Zoe had to laugh.
‘Don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to swap with you either.’
Stacey put another tray of nibbles out and turned to Ottilie. ‘Those all right for you? Not into weird food yet? Because I’m sure I can fix up some tuna and banana sandwiches for you.’
‘No, thank you.’ Ottilie grinned as she reached for a second pakora. ‘Another plate of this will do just fine, so keep ’em coming.’