Chapter 25
Despite indulging in more than one slice of cake from Corrine’s stall, plus her rogue donut and two lattes, Zoe was still hungry as lunchtime arrived.
She packed away her raffle tickets and announced her intentions at the surgery fundraising table, shouting over the sounds of the brass band who had now launched into a medley of soundtracks from eighties blockbuster films.
‘I’m going to get some lunch, and then I’ll draw the raffle numbers. Anyone want me to get them anything?’
‘I’ve eaten,’ Fliss said.
‘I’m all good too,’ Simon chipped in before being distracted by old Mrs Icke, who wanted to complain about something or other.
‘What are you having?’ Lavender asked.
‘Not sure. I like the look of that van selling Nepalese food.’
‘No, thanks,’ Lavender said. ‘I’ll probably grab a pasty later.’
‘I’ll come with you,’ Ottilie said.
Zoe waited while she got herself organised, and then they walked together to the van.
‘Oh my gosh!’ Ottilie pointed to a line of around twenty small children, ranging from perhaps four or five to ten, walking in pairs and dressed in Tudor clothes.
Not exactly Tudor, of course, but clearly as close as their parents or teachers had been able to find.
What they might lack in historical accuracy was more than made up for in cuteness.
They were all waving at a crowd that was rapidly distracted from whatever else they’d been doing to watch them.
Zoe smiled. ‘They’re so adorable!’
‘I wonder if they’re going to put on a little show or something.’
A few feet away, Zoe noticed Stacey with Mackenzie in a pushchair. She waved and then grinned, pointing at the children. Zoe and Ottilie both grinned back, Ottilie nodding with enthusiasm.
‘I’m going to have a quick word with Stacey; shall I catch you up?’
Zoe wondered whether to take this opportunity to speak to Alex. But as her gaze found him, watching the children in their period costumes, he seemed far from warmed by the sight. In fact, he looked as if he felt nothing. Zoe couldn’t help a deep frown.
‘What’s wrong?’ Ottilie said.
Zoe turned to her. ‘I don’t know. Something weird is going on.’
‘With him?’ Ottilie angled her head at Alex, and Zoe nodded. ‘Want to go and see what it is?’
‘I’m not sure he wants to talk to me.’
‘Why? What have you done?’
‘Nothing. At least, I don’t think so. Will you get me some dinner when you go? I think I do need to get to the bottom of…’
Zoe’s sentence tailed off as she noticed Alex leave his spot with the miniature sheep man. They went to the cider stand together and seemed deep in conversation. For now, Zoe decided she’d have to wait. ‘Never mind,’ she said. ‘I’ll come with you and catch him later.’
The food carton warmed her hands as they walked back to their colleagues. But then Zoe noticed that Alex had returned from the cider vendor and was now standing alone staring into space.
‘Ott…’ Zoe gave her carton to her friend. ‘Would you take that for me? I want to have a quick word with Alex.’
‘No problem. It’ll be all right, you know. You’ll probably find it’s something and nothing and there wasn’t any need to worry at all.’
Zoe gave her a grateful smile, but she wasn’t so sure. Something was off. He’d been so keen, so interested only a day before and now he was acting like he didn’t even know who she was.
‘Don’t take too long,’ Ottilie said. ‘Only I can’t promise I won’t eat yours as well.’
‘I won’t,’ Zoe said, striding off.
As she approached, she painted on a bright smile. ‘Hey…how’s it going? It’s crazy here, isn’t it? I never imagined it would be so busy. Where’s Billie? Has she come down to join in?’
‘No,’ he said with such a lack of emotion that Zoe’s heart sank.
Something was very wrong, and the vibes she was getting told her she was at the root of it.
But though she frantically went through scenarios in her head, she couldn’t imagine what it was she’d done to upset him like this.
She was mistaken; she had to be. He was distracted with other things.
Perhaps Billie was causing him stress again and he didn’t feel he could keep taking those problems to Zoe.
She decided to ignore the frostiness and see if she couldn’t lure him out of it.
‘So what’s been happening with your archaeologist expert? What’s he said about your beads? Is it good?’
‘Nothing much.’
‘But they’re genuine? They’re?—’
‘I can’t talk to you now.’
Zoe stared at him. ‘What?’
‘I can’t talk. There’s too much going on here.’
‘Not even…I’m not asking you to debate the meaning of life; I’m only trying to make small talk. You know, like friends do.’
He rounded on her now, like a spring that had been wound as tight as it would go but had suddenly been set free. ‘Would a friend go behind my back to ruin my life?’
‘I don’t understand…What have I done?’
He glanced at the crowds around them. ‘Look where we are. I can’t go into it here.’
‘But I can’t spend the rest of the day not knowing what I’m supposed to have done. If I’ve upset you, I’d rather you tell me now.’
He glanced around once more and then lowered his voice so that it was almost a growl. ‘Billie is giving up the baby. She wants to have it adopted. She says you told her to.’
The ground beneath her tilted. For a moment, she had no words in her head, no thoughts, only a chasm of silence. Eventually, she stuttered a reply, though it hardly seemed adequate. ‘I said she had that option, but I never said?—’
‘You had no right!’
‘I had every right!’ Zoe fired back with a rush of anger. ‘She told me she was struggling, and I gave her options! I wouldn’t have had to if you’d taken the time to talk to her yourself!’
‘I did talk to her!’
‘After we’d talked about you needing to! If she’s saying it now, then she’s given it a lot of thought and decided it’s the best thing. What do you want me to say? I haven’t made her do it.’
‘You put the idea in her head.’
‘Don’t be stupid. She would have been well aware that adoption services exist and that nobody has to keep their baby.’
‘If she goes ahead with this…’ he said in a deliberate tone that scared her more than if he’d been shouting, ‘it will ruin her life. She’ll regret it forever. That’s your doing. I hope you’re happy.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because I know her! She’s my daughter, and I know her better than some woman who has been in her life for all of ten minutes!’
‘Alex, I’m sorry, but I did what I thought was best for her.’
‘And what about me? What if I lose the only chance I’ll ever have to be a grandparent? Bad enough that I lost my wife, that she’ll never get the opportunity to be a grandmother, but then you want to take my grandchild away?’
‘I’m not taking?—’
‘I thought you were our friend. I thought you were my friend. I thought…’ He paused, staring at her like he didn’t know what he was looking at. ‘I hoped for more, that’s all. You’re right, I’m stupid. I was stupid to hope for anything at all. I should have known it was too good to be true.’
She had no response. What could she say?
She could go and talk to Billie, to try to change her mind, but she refused to do that simply to save whatever she might have had with Alex.
It had to be Billie’s choice, no matter how hurt or angry it made anyone else.
Zoe had believed that from the start, and she still believed it now, though there were doubts all the same.
Billie had been worried, scared for her future, and even though Zoe had reassured her that there were options, she’d never seen any sign that Billie might want to go down this route.
Perhaps there had been disinterest when they’d gone shopping for the cot, perhaps that should have been a clue, but it hadn’t been enough for Zoe to consider she might be getting ready to give her baby up.
He turned away.
‘Alex, please…talk to me about this.’
‘What good will that do?’ he asked, without turning back to face her. ‘You’ll convince me that you were right and it’s all for the best? And then we can pick up where we left off? I’m sorry but that’s not going to happen.’
‘Of course not.’
‘Do you intend to fix what you’ve done?’
‘There’s nothing to fix; I haven’t done anything wrong.’
He spun back. ‘What?’
‘I get that you’re in shock?—’
‘In shock?’ he yelped before lowering his voice to a harsh whisper.
‘I’d say that’s an understatement! What do you want from me?
It’s bad enough having to face the prospect of losing my grandchild forever, but the fact that it was instigated by you makes it an even bigger kick in the guts.
I’m trying really hard not to be angry with you, but I can’t deny I’m struggling.
Maybe, one day, I might be able to look at you and not think about that, but it’s not today. ’
She was consumed by a terrifying mix of emotions.
She’d been left fragile by the encounter with Tegan, and now this.
She was hurt, upset, devastated by his anger, and yet she was defiant and angry with him in return.
She’d done what she felt was right for Billie, as she always did.
She hadn’t forced Billie to do anything.
Surely he could see that? It seemed not.
She could only hope that, in time, he would understand.
She was so overwhelmed that she didn’t trust what she might say next.
Deciding it was better to say nothing, she shook her head.
Her pulse racing and gravity dragging at her as if it might pull her to the centre of the earth, she then turned to go.
‘You’re not even sorry, are you?’