Chapter 19
Zoe woke early. It had snowed overnight, but the sun was out, the fields bathed in glittering soft layers.
It was untouched everywhere except the garden, where there were bird tracks all around.
She was at the window in the kitchen with a cup of tea when a noise from behind made her turn around. Billie was in the doorway with Louisa.
‘Happy Christmas,’ she said uncertainly.
‘Happy Christmas. Your dad told me everything. Now you’ve had time to sleep on it, how do you feel about your decision?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe I’m a bit scared.’
‘It’s bound to be nerve-racking… it’s a big deal, moving away from home, and you’re moving to another country.’
‘Not so much for me, but for Dad.’
‘Your dad will be all right.’
‘He will because he has you. I’m glad he has. I don’t think I could have left him if he’d been alone. If you’d seen him when Mum died… I never thought he’d smile again. And then you came, and now he smiles all the time.’
‘He makes me happy too… You all do. You’re the family I never thought I’d have. I’ll miss you and Louisa too, you know.’
‘You can visit whenever you want – Luis’s mum and dad won’t mind. They’ll love you.’
‘Oh, don’t worry, I intend to take full advantage of the fact you’re going to be living somewhere hot and sunny! I’ll let you into a secret… I love it here in the Lakes, but sometimes even I’m fed up with the rain.’
‘It’s not raining today…’ Billie went to the window and pointed at the snow. ‘Look, Lou Lou… your first snow!’
Zoe joined them at the window. ‘You won’t get much of this in Spain.’
‘They have it sometimes,’ Billie said. ‘I will miss this place in some ways. It’s just…’
‘You don’t have to explain. Anyway, there will always be room for you here, and you might decide to come back. Never say never.’
‘Yeah, I suppose I might, but I don’t think so right now.’
‘Then that’s good. It means you already feel as if it’s the right decision.’
Alex came downstairs half an hour later.
They shared a special breakfast, swapped the Christmas Eve gifts they’d forgotten the night before, and though they were both desperate to break the news of their engagement, a brief and low chat between Alex and Zoe had them deciding they’d wait until they’d been to the carol service and come home to exchange the rest of the presents and have lunch.
Zoe had been so close to telling Billie herself that morning, but she realised it was something Alex would want to do with her.
And so they all got ready to leave, and a couple of hours after that they were standing in the tiny church waiting for the carol service to begin.
The space was still chilly despite the heating; the doors hadn’t yet been closed, and the icy draught swirled around their legs. Louisa gurgled with contentment, and Zoe thought she seemed to be enjoying the attention she was getting from the villagers.
Just before the event was due to start, Emilia, Georgia and Brett rushed in with baby William and slid onto the pew next to Zoe.
‘Hey,’ she whispered. ‘I thought for a hot minute we were going to miss the start.’
‘Hope you’re not going to get flashbacks,’ Zoe said.
‘It’s certainly bringing back memories, being in here,’ Georgia said with a grin. ‘But mostly it’s making me thankful I’m not pregnant right now.’
‘Me too,’ Zoe said. ‘I love you, bestie, but don’t ever make me deliver one of your babies in a snowstorm in a church again!’
Georgia laughed. ‘I’ll try not to.’
As the vicar got things underway, Zoe stood with everyone else to sing the first carol.
She gazed around the church; it had certainly been the scene of some interesting events in her life and rather more drama than she’d have liked, but she had such a fondness for the pretty stone building and what it represented to her.
And soon a new chapter would be added to that story, one where she and Alex would stand at the front of this room and promise themselves to one another.
She aimed a sly glance his way and, as if he was tuned in to her, he turned at the same time to look at her with a loving smile.
While Billie did her best to join in – Zoe suspected only to please her dad – Louisa chewed on a fist and stared around as if she couldn’t decide whether she ought to be alarmed by the sudden racket of everyone singing ‘Hark the Herald Angels Sing’.
William, on the other hand, had no such internal debate and promptly began to wail his disapproval, though the singing at this point was so bad it was hard to tell whether he was in distress or simply trying to join in.
As they sang, Zoe reached for Alex’s hand.
He shot her a brief, warm smile, but she couldn’t miss the note of melancholy in it.
He was doing his best, but he was sad about Billie’s decision.
Even though he respected it now, and had come to accept that it was a part of the path life often took, Zoe thought he’d be sad for a while to come.
But at least they had plenty of positive things to look forward to.
She glanced across at Billie, who looked brighter than she’d done in weeks, not singing with the gusto of everyone else because it wasn’t her style, but certainly filled with more energy than she would have put in before today.
Zoe appreciated how hard it had been to finally come clean, knowing how hurt her dad would be, and how much of a weight she must have felt lifted at being able to lay it on the line and have her decision supported.
Billie didn’t notice Zoe’s glance, but Louisa did, and she offered a drooling grin.
She was beginning to recognise Zoe as someone important in her life, and the thought of that changing made Zoe sad.
She’d come to love Louisa so very much, and it would be strange not to have her there all the time.
The fact was, no matter how hard they tried to maintain that closeness, distance would lessen it.
Louisa was so little that she wouldn’t remember this time in her life, and her relationships with the people who loved her would change as their influence on her home life naturally changed by virtue of their absence.
Alex must have felt that even more keenly than Zoe.
She was proud of how brave he was being right now, conscious of how he’d fought for his role as grandfather so many times when it looked as if he’d never get the chance to enjoy it.
It will have been too brief for him, and yet he’d never deny Billie or Louisa the chance of the life they might want.
Later, as the service wound up and their Christmas wishes had been extended to the rest of the congregation, they walked back to the car, Zoe’s arm linked with Billie as Alex carried Louisa.
‘How was that?’ she asked with a smile. ‘Not too painful? I know your feelings on singing in public.’
‘I thought it might be awkward after… well, seeing everyone after the other night, but it was fine.’
‘I really enjoyed it,’ Alex said. ‘I’m already looking forward to next year. Coming to church on Christmas Day might become a proper tradition.’ He looked hopefully at Billie. ‘I don’t suppose you’ll be here next Christmas, though.’
‘I don’t know, Dad. I hope so. I mean, to visit,’ she added hastily.
‘It’s all right,’ he said. ‘I got what you meant. I’d love that. And you don’t have to keep it to Christmas or birthdays or anything like that – you know you can come home any time you like.’
‘Yes,’ Billie said. And then added very deliberately, ‘I know I can always visit Hilltop whenever I want.’
If Alex was stung by the way his daughter had changed the reference to home, Zoe was proud of him for not showing it.
Today was about Christmas, and about making it as peaceful and treasured as they could before the many big changes that were to come the following year.
It must have been tempting to say something, but he didn’t. He only smiled brightly at her.
‘You’ll always be the most important person to me,’ Billie added. ‘You know that, don’t you? Apart from Louisa, of course.’
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Louisa is bound to be the most important person in your life, like you are to me.’
Billie gave a half-smile. ‘I’m sure Zoe wants to hear you say that.’
‘I know what he means,’ Zoe said. ‘I think I can cope with the wound to my heart.’ She shot Alex a silent question, hoping she wouldn’t have to spell it out.
And as they stopped at the car, the sun broke through the clouds, sending blades of golden light across the snow-covered hills.
Alex raised his eyebrows, and then Zoe gestured to Billie, and then he seemed to get it.
‘We’ve got news, actually,’ he said as Billie took Louisa from him.
‘Oh?’ She didn’t notice the grin that had spread across his face until she realised he hadn’t yet unlocked the car, and then she looked up. ‘What news?’
Alex put his arm around Zoe, and they both smiled at Billie now. ‘We’re engaged.’
‘You’re…’ Billie frowned.
‘We’re getting married!’ Alex exclaimed.
‘I understand what engaged means!’ Billie rolled her eyes, as she often did. ‘I meant when did this happen?’
‘Last night,’ Zoe said. ‘We wanted to find the right moment to tell you, but it was all of a rush this morning and—’
‘That’s amazing!’ Billie said, leaping forward to hug them both with her free arm.
Louisa let out a piercing squeal of a giggle, perhaps seeing the sudden crunch as some fun new game.
‘I’m really glad.’ She smiled at Zoe. ‘I’m glad he’s going to have someone sensible in the house with him when I’m not there. God knows he needs it.’
Alex burst out laughing. ‘It’s good to know my daughter has such a high regard for me.’
‘You know I do, Dad. But I’m glad you’ll have someone to talk things over with and that you won’t be lonely. I never would have left, you know, not if you’d been on your own, but I know you’ll be so happy with Zoe.’
‘We could have been happy together as a family—’ he began, but both Billie and Zoe gave a veiled look of warning. ‘OK.’ He nodded to show he understood. ‘I don’t want to ruin the moment.’
‘Or the day,’ Zoe said. ‘There’s time to talk about what’s coming when Christmas is over. Let’s just enjoy it without worrying about the future.’
‘I’m glad we met you,’ Billie said to Zoe as Alex pulled the car keys from his pocket.
‘I’m glad I met you too.’
‘Do you think you’d have stayed in Thimblebury if you hadn’t?’ she asked.
Zoe paused for a moment. ‘Probably,’ she said finally. ‘But life would have looked very different. Who knows?’
‘You might have been getting married to someone else.’
‘I might, but somehow I don’t see it. Your dad was a special case, the right man at the right time, because I wasn’t really looking for anyone.’
Alex opened the car and took Louisa to fasten her into her car seat, leaving Billie and Zoe outside.
Billie held Zoe in a pleading gaze, one that completely threw her off guard for a moment.
‘You’ll look after him?’ she whispered. ‘You won’t leave him, will you? Because I don’t think he could cope.’
Zoe pulled her close. ‘I’ll do my best. You and I both know I can’t promise anything more than that, but if it’s any consolation, I adore him. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else, and I want to spend forever with him.’
‘That’s all right then,’ Billie said, pulling away, her face going to the ground as she did, sniffing hard. ‘That’s all I wanted to know.’
And then she climbed onto the back seat next to Louisa, stoic in her expression as she fastened her seat belt.
It was easy to forget what a complicated, troubled, brave and remarkable young woman she was.
Zoe had often wondered if she’d have survived half of what Billie had at her age, and always, the answer was no, she didn’t think she would have done.
The notion struck her now more starkly than ever.
And what struck her with even more force was just how devoted to one another Alex and Billie truly were.
She had no doubt that whatever distance lay between them, their bond would remain this strong.
She was happy and grateful to have been let into their lives, to share some of that devotion, and determined to keep her promise to Billie.
Whatever happened, she’d do her best to be there for Alex.
It wouldn’t be such a hardship, she reflected as she got into the car next to him, glancing across to catch a smile brighter than the sun bouncing off the snow on the lane, not when there was so much love.
* * *