Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
Devlin
I woke to Cian both behind me and inside of me. His hand collared my throat as he growled in my ear. “I told you. Whenever and however I want.”
He ravaged my hole with powerful snaps of his hips. Each time felt like a punishment. An exorcism. Part of me vaporized with each breath that tore from my lungs.
I dug my fingers into the sheets as if I could white-knuckle the hold on my sanity. “Are you trying to fuck the devil out of me?”
He bit down on my earlobe as he thrust in hard and ground his hips on a twist that made my eyes roll back. “No. I like you a little evil.”
I pressed my face into the pillow and stroked myself to orgasm.
As I sprayed the sheets with cum, Cian spilled inside of me with a hoarse shout.
His hand tightened around my throat, and he sank his teeth into my neck.
Hard. “You’re mine,” he rumbled against my skin. And I believed he meant it. For now.
“I know you’re testing me,” he continued as he pressed two fingers into my sore hole and swirled them around.
“And you won’t win, Devlin. I will.” He pulled his fingers out, soaked with his cum, and dipped them into the mess I’d made on the bed.
Then he pressed them to my lips. “Open. Taste how good we are together.” I sucked his fingers into my mouth, tasting the combination of me and Cian, and he slid them toward the back of my throat until I gagged.
With wet fingers, he gripped my chin and kissed me, swiping his tongue inside my mouth to taste us together.
It was filthy and delicious. Tears burned the back of my eyes.
I wanted to tell him that he was perfect.
I wanted to tell him that I’d be his forever.
But my brain rejected the words before they ever reached my mouth.
When he pulled away from the kiss, what came out instead was, “You’re breaking your promise.”
For a moment, I thought he’d actually hit me. And maybe a part of me wanted him to. All he had to do was punch me. Tell me he was giving up. That this wasn’t worth it. Then he could find someone sweet, and easy, and doting.
Instead, Cian ground his teeth and said, “My promise was that my face would be the last thing you ever see.”
“You promised you’d kill—”
“No. I didn’t. Maybe I said I would, but I never promised that.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Semantics.”
“You know what?” He fisted my hair. “I’m not arguing with you about this. My face will be the last thing you ever see, whether that’s tomorrow or when we’re eighty. Because you’re not fucking leaving me.”
I gritted my teeth. “Right. You’ll leave me.”
Cian’s eyebrows lifted into his hairline. “Oh really?”
“Yes.”
“How’s this for a promise?” I didn’t appreciate the way he snorted, like he found this all amusing. “Promise me that if I ever leave you, you’ll kill me.”
I turned my head away, though I didn’t get far with his death grip on my hair. I cried out, my scalp stinging as he twisted his fist and forced my gaze to his. “Promise me.” The smirk was gone now, and I must have felt a surge of want, of hope, of fucking stupidity.
Because I said, “Fine. I promise.”
Cian released my hair, and I rolled onto my side without another word.
Cian’s strategy was simple. Fuck me. Again. And again. Keep me too dick-stupid and full of cum.
And it worked. The man shouldn’t have been able to get hard this often at thirty-five. Then again, I probably shouldn’t have been able to either. But we were both like jackrabbits. The room reeked like cum, and I was so dehydrated I might’ve been hallucinating.
We fucked and slept and fucked and slept until Cian finally rose from the bed on unsteady legs and picked up the phone for room service.
The clock said it was five in the afternoon, and I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten anything.
As we waited for our food, I lay on my stomach with one hand hanging off the edge of the bed, barely able to move.
Cian took a quick shower, then sat down next to me in just his towel and gently ran his fingers up and down my spine.
These soft touches combined with his overwhelming domination had started to crack me open.
Pieces of my resolve littered the sheets around us.
I still hadn’t admitted I was his, and the anger I’d expected from him over my resistance had never shown.
Cian hadn’t given up, and I was really starting to believe he never would.
That little flame of hope had shifted into something permanent, something immortal, and that was the scariest feeling of all.
His fingers slid down my spine and into my crease before he pulled one cheek to the side. He touched the pad of one finger to my hole. “You look sore. I need to give you a break.”
I was. I was sore as hell. But just the mention of stopping this madness sent a searing flare of panic through my blood.
My breathing picked up and my heart raced.
No. He couldn’t stop. He’d gotten me to submit in every way—on my knees, on my back.
There was no further goalpost. That was it.
He’d conquered me. This entire charade would grow old for him once he realized there was nothing behind the moniker I hated.
If he stopped fucking me now, he’d come to his senses. He’d move on. And it would destroy me.
I tried not to let him hear the tremble in my voice. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
Cian let my ass cheek go with a firm squeeze. “No, you’re not.” He stood up, dropped the towel around his waist, and reached for his boxer briefs.
So this was it? He was done?
I pulled myself up on my elbows. “I said I’m fine. You can keep fucking me.”
Something in my tone made him still as he pulled his briefs up his hips. He turned to me with narrowed eyes. “What?”
My heart pounded. I wasn’t quitting. Not yet. So why was he? I couldn’t make myself calm down or see this as anything other than him getting tired of me. Just like I knew he would.
“You’re making excuses.” I rolled onto my back and sat up with my hands braced behind me. “You just don’t want to touch me anymore now that you’ve gotten what you wanted.”
He put his hands on his hips. “And you’re angry about that? I thought you wanted me to keep my promise and not keep you.”
“I do!” I cried.
“So which is it, Devlin?” The way he said my name sent a shiver down my spine. “Do you want me to fuck you? Or kill you?”
I should have recognized the trap I’d walked myself into. Before I could find an answer, Cian smirked. “You don’t even know, do you?”
My mouth closed. Opened. Closed again.
He chuckled softly as he put a knee on the bed, and I was forced onto my back as he settled between my spread legs like he belonged there.
His fingers carded through my hair, and he brushed his nose against mine.
A gentle, sweet gesture of affection I hadn’t thought he was capable of.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to know. Because I know what you want.
All you have to do is shut up and let me give it to you. ”
This was the last bit of control I had, the one rope I clung to against the weight of all that was Cian. And I used that rope now, unsure if it would pull him closer or hang me. “You’ll eventually get bored of fucking me, and then you’ll get rid of me.”
Again, he didn’t get angry like I thought he would. His fingers played with the hair sticking to my forehead as he quirked an eyebrow in genuine confusion. “You think this is just about fucking you?”
“What else could you want me for?” My voice held no bravado. I was pathetic. “What the hell do I even do for you?”
I felt his chest expand with a deep inhale, and his exhale ruffled my hair. He didn’t speak for a long time. But he didn’t look confused, or hesitant. Just pensive.
“Remember how I made everyone leave the first time I saw you?” he began.
I did. He’d ordered everyone out with that commanding tone that made my dick hard.
“I didn’t have an explanation for my reaction at the time.
But even then, I think a part of me knew I wanted you for myself.
” His hands bracketed my face, forcing me to look into his eyes.
“I’ve always had to share. My things, my people, me.
All my life, I’ve loaned out parts of myself to others.
But when you look at me…” His breathing stuttered.
“I feel powerful. Complete. Like all the pieces of me I’ve given away have been returned and put back in place.
” His thumbs brushed my cheeks. “From the moment I met you in that shed, you saw who I was, not what I could do for you. I saw it in your eyes. No one has ever looked at me the way you do. I tried to deny it. But I can’t anymore. ”
In all my life, I never thought I would hear someone say words like that to me. Even in my darkest moments, when I escaped into my deepest fantasies, I never could’ve imagined a better man for me than Cian O’Shea.
“You see now, don’t you?” he said softly.
My eyes were wet. I didn’t even bother wiping them. He’d seen it all already. “You won’t stop, will you?”
He shook his head slowly. “No.”
Cian had seen me at my worst, and he still wanted to keep me. My walls were nothing but Styrofoam, and Cian had put his fist through every one of them.
“I’m scared,” I admitted.
“I know.”
“I used to thrive on chaos. But now I’m tired. I’m so, so tired. But the things I did… I don’t deserve peace.”
His expression firmed, and his hands tightened on my face. “I decide what you deserve.”
My vision blurred with tears. “So what do I deserve?”
He spoke a single syllable. “Me.”
Devlin