Chapter 28
Fern had graciously lent us one of her mules for me to ride.
Her name, Jenny, was fitting. She trudged behind Rowan's black horse, one of the ones that I'd told him to bring that night we went into the forest. We rode along in silence, but somehow, and perhaps it was the fact that my secret was now laid bare, my heart felt light.
"If I'm right, we should meet them somewhere along this route," I rode up next to Rowan, pointing at the map with the area I'd circled last night.
There was an intersection between two roads.
We were just a few miles from there. We'd both selected that was the ideal place to meet my father's return carriage.
Rowan leaned over to look, then pointed toward some hills in the distance. "We should head there, it should give us a good vantage point."
"Alright, good idea. Let's go." I nodded, urging the mule forward. But she still trudged along lazily, as if my boots tapping her side did nothing. "Are you serious? Come on, Jenny!" I tried to urge her forward again, and still, she would not budge.
Rowan, just up ahead, slowed his horse down from a trot, laughing. "Need any assistance there, my lady?"
I grumbled, shaking my head. "No, thank you very much Jenny and I are just having a little bit of a... communication issue."
Rowan shrugged. He rode up beside me, a wry grin on his face. "I bet I know a trick to get her to go faster."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "I don't know if I trust—"
Before I could form a thought, he leaned forward slightly in his saddle, urged his horse forward, and gave a low, sharp whistle, followed by a click of his tongue. Jenny's ears, which were lazily flopping to the side, flicked forward. In his pocket, Rowan drew out an apple.
With a new energy, Jenny surged forward at a canter. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me—" I grasped onto the saddle horn, almost falling off, not ready for the sudden change in momentum. We bounced along, trailing lightly behind Rowan and his steed.
I felt more like a pack than a rider, and ended up just hanging on the whole time while Jenny followed.
Eventually, we made it to the spot on the hill.
I dismounted, feeling a bit nauseous. Rowan leapt off his horse gracefully, offering Jenny the apple.
She graciously accepted it, nuzzling his shoulder. "Atta girl, Jenny."
I scowled at him. "Hey, what are you scowling at me for? It worked," He shrugged.
I pointed at her, "I'm never riding that mule again."
Chuckling slightly, Rowan fiddled with his saddlebag and untied his sword, which had been protected in a neat leather sheath and secured with straps. He unsheathed the sword with a smooth hiss, and I saw the emerald in the hilt glint in the sunlight.
My mind flashed to the night I was injured. Rowan's green aura slashing through the room. My nausea suddenly intensified, and leaned against a tree.
Rowan looked up. "Everything alright?"
I sighed, shaking my head, pushing away the flashbacks from before. I couldn't shake the look in Rowan's eyes, that stone-cold killer look, barely any emotion behind his eyes as he beheaded the two assassins. "Nothing, sorry. It's just, I don't know if I've ever seen you use that sword before."
Rowan nodded. He held the sword up, sunlight glinting off its sharp edge.
"This is Emeris, my pride and joy. Fern keeps her safe for me, I don't just take her anywhere," he winked.
"But since you're serious about taking back the Manor and all, I figured I'd take her out.
She's hungry for the blood of traitorous bastards.
" He grinned, and there it was, those eyes again—the eyes of a killer.
I nodded slowly, beginning to realize the crux of what this plan meant. People were going to die—they weren't innocent, of course, and probably killers themselves, but—the bottom line was, blood was going to be shed. I didn't know how I felt about that.
"Hey," Rowan said, wiping a cloth across his blade. "You've been strangely quiet ever since we got here. Something's bothering you."
"Yeah..." I looked out over the hills at the road.
Far off in the distance, I could see dark splotches.
My father's carriage and company. They'd be here soon.
I looked down, and clenched my fists. "I guess I just realized the weight of all this.
..this power that I hold. The impact of my decisions. "
Rowan nodded slowly, unsure of where this was going. Then, I looked up at him. "Rowan, when you take a life... how can you be so calm?"
It seemed that question came out of left field, because even Rowan was stunned for a moment. There was a long pause, as the wind swept across the hillside and tousled our hair. He lowered the sword, inspecting the edge with a critical eye before continuing, his voice quieter now.
"The first time I killed someone," he said, "I couldn't sleep for three days. Didn't eat for two." He lifted his green-eyed gaze to meet mine.
"That night in my quarters," I said slowly, "you didn't hesitate. Not even for a second."
He nodded. "It gets easier over time. Killing people," He stared down at his blade, lifting it slightly. "I guess I just... turn my brain off. Let muscle memory take over, you know?" He shrugged, but his gaze was troubled, as if our conversation had brought up a distant memory.
"This isn't like that," I said quietly. "It isn't easy. Giving orders. Choosing who lives and who dies."
Rowan shook his head. "Ah, so that's what you're worried about..." He sighed, setting his now clean sword back in its sheath with a click.
"I just can't help but think... they have families, and lives, Rowan," I sighed.
"They gave up those lives when they chose to work for the Black Dragon," Rowan said, emotion absent from his voice.
"Not just the traitors, Rowan. If we go through with this, we will lose our own." I gazed up at the clouds which were rolling peacefully across the sky. My mind drifted towards that night we fought the Black Dragon in the woods. I'd gotten lucky then, too.
"It's the reality of war," Rowan said. "It's not glamorous. It's not honorable. Blood gets shed. But in the end, we're all fighting for a higher cause..." He said those words as if repeating something told to him long ago, his voice distant and emotionless.
"My father, my brother, the knights... even Edith and the other servant girls.
Their lives are at stake in this, too. And I don't think I'm ready for it, Rowan.
The guilt of losing them." I sighed, leaning myself against a tree stump as Jenny and the other horse grazed peacefully nearby.
"I guess I'm not cut out for this whole noble thing, huh? "
I heard Rowan's footsteps approach me, as he leaned against a nearby tree casually.
"Rosaria, you've got to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
Don't underestimate them, they're stronger than you think," He looked down at me, a serious yet kind expression on his face.
"And they knew what they were getting into when they chose to pledge their fealty to you. "
I nodded slowly. "I think I understand why you hate nobles so much, Rowan." I looked up at him. "It's hard, when your decisions can change someone's life in an instant."
"It's not for the weak," Rowan nodded, pushing himself up off the tree.
"But, Rosaria, you're one of the strongest, kindest, most honorable people I've ever met.
I would gladly pledge my life in service to you.
And I know for a fact that's true in the hearts of everyone in that manor loyal to you. For Edith, Gareth, or anyone else."
He looked up, and his green eyes found mine.
They way the sunlight reflected off them, they were almost glowing.
"We're all fighting for you, Rosaria.
So don't back out now." Before I even had time to process what he was saying, he grabbed his sword, and swung up onto his mount. "They're almost here, let's go."
I nodded. He's right.No time to back out now. This plan was happening, whether I wanted it to or not.