Chapter 21 #2
I expect him to pull away from that, but he doesn’t. Instead, he looks up at me with eyes gone so dark they’re almost black.
“Please.” The word catches in his throat. “Keep going.”
Good fucking Light.
I’ll be the first one to fuck him too.
“Good,” I growl, pressing my thumb harder against his jaw. “I’m going to make you feel so fucking good you’ll forget how to speak. I’m going to ruin every other touch for you.”
I’m the one holding him down, the one in control, but looking at him like this makes the power shift. I’d let him demand anything of me. I’d let him take every ounce of my focus until there’s nothing left. Everything is on the table if it’s Rowan. He can ask me to jump, and I’ll ask how high.
He might be a fucking traitor, and I’d still come back for more.
It's an addiction. A fever. A catastrophe I'd choose again tomorrow.
I catch Rowan’s wrist and pull his hand away from between us. The sudden loss of friction drags a frustrated sound from both of us.
“Not like this.”
I don’t give him the chance to argue. I wrap a hand around his slender waist, lift him with me, and turn us over until I’m flat on my back and Rowan is straddling my hips instead.
He stares down at me, breathing unevenly, his hands instinctively bracing against my chest.
I reach behind me toward the side drawer, grabbing the lube and tossing it onto the bed beside us.
Rowan’s eyes track the movement, wide and uncertain.
“I’ve been tested, mouse,” I murmur, the words low between us. “I want to feel every inch of your skin on mine while I break you in.”
His lips part, his breath hitching hard enough that I hear it. “Shut up, Ciaran.”
“Mouthy. I like it.” I pour the oil into my palm and reach between us. My thumb strokes slowly across the inside of his wrist. “You know this is going to stay with you, right? After tonight, nobody else is ever going to compare.”
Rowan inhales sharply. “You really believe that, don’t you?”
“I do.” I lean in until our noses brush. “My promise to you, baby.”
His fingers twitch against the sheets beneath him. “I’m trying very hard not to think about the fact that you’re about to—” He cuts himself off, breath unsteady. “Good Light.”
Something warm and almost vicious curls through me. Because Rowan looks less fearless and more nervous above me, and somehow that vulnerability only makes me want him more.
“Damn it. You’re trouble.”
Sliding my hand from his wrist to his throat, I squeeze. Not enough to hurt, but enough to hold him there, my thumb pressing against the frantic jump of his pulse. His breath catches when I tilt his head back.
“And I’m going to make you feel so damn good you won’t have to think about any of this anymore.” I lean closer until our mouths almost touch. “By the time I’m done, the only thing you’ll be able to scream is my name.”
Rowan looks down at me a beat too long, lashes lowering as he swallows hard. “I just… will it hurt?”
“It won’t when you relax. Can you do that for me?”
Not waiting for his answer, I squeeze more lube onto my hand and guide Rowan higher on my hips, carefully rubbing it over him. The cold gel warms beneath my touch. Rowan opens for me a little wider where he straddles me, his body already yielding beneath my hands.
“Tell me if you need me to slow down,” I command. My voice is barely holding on to some semblance of normalcy, my cock hot and heavy between us, twitching with the need to finally slide home.
“You won’t... you won’t need to,” he whispers.
I ease my middle finger into him and exhale a sharp breath. He hitches, his body tightening around my hand. I stop, my finger buried to the knuckle, watching the way his breath comes in shallow, panicked gasps.
“Have you never even fingered yourself?” I murmur, my eyes locked on his. “Never been curious how it feels to have something inside you?”
“N-no,” he stammers, shaking his head. “Never.”
“Relax, baby. Come on.” I reach for the bottle again, adding more lube, then lean down to spit directly into my palm. I mix the slick mess together and work it over his skin, my touch relentless. “Relax for me. That’s a good boy.”
I begin to move again, sliding my finger deeper as his body finally begins to accept the intrusion. My mouth actually salivates at the contact. I thought this would feel more complicated, but it’s as natural, as dizzying, as that first kiss.
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” I thrust my finger slowly, mapping out his virgin hole. I don’t give him a choice but to take more when I ease a second finger in beside the first, stretching him until a broken sound slips out of him. “Does it feel good?”
Rowan shakes his head, breath catching. “It feels... weird.”
I slow my hand instinctively, brushing my thumb across his hip.
Then another sound slips from him, softer this time, his body loosening around my fingers little by little.
“Better,” he moans, his fingers digging into the sheets as his eyes glass over with a dazed wonder. “Hmm, I didn’t know... I didn’t know it could feel like this.”
“It’s only going to get better,” I murmur as I press another finger deeper inside him. I wait for the tight pull of his body to adjust around the stretch. “This is only for me, mouse. That look on your face?” I lean up until our mouths almost touch. “Fucking precious.”
He doesn’t answer. He can’t. His head falls back, his throat exposed in a long pale line as I begin to move. I start with a slow, rhythmic draw, then drive deeper, working him open little by little. He clamps around me, his abs tightening beneath my palm as he shudders above me.
His spine jerks upright. I watch the dazed shock of a new kind of pleasure spread through him, his cock getting so hard it looks painful.
Using my free hand, I squeeze more lube into my palm and wrap it around Rowan’s cock from base to tip.
His stomach tightens as he pushes farther into my hand, his head dropping forward as a broken sound escapes him.
“You’re clenching around me like you were made for this,” I rasp, loving the way his virgin body tightens around my fingers.
“Do I… feel good?”
“Feel good?” I bark out a rough laugh. “I’m going to lose my fucking mind inside you, Rowan.”
I pick up the pace, my fingers working him while my thumb strokes the head of his cock until his heart thunders loud enough for me to hear it.
Every thrust, every choked breath he releases, sends a chill down my spine.
He is wide open now. Ready. And I am done waiting.
“You’re taking my fingers so well.” I drag my thumb slowly across the mark on his inner thigh, lingering there before tightening my hands on his hips. “Can’t wait to have my cock inside you. I think I’ll cum just from the thought of it.”
“Do it.” Rowan looks wrecked when he says it, caught somewhere between hunger and desperation.
“Not yet. I need to loosen you up first—”
“Just do it.” He looks up at me, his gaze flickering with a sudden, fierce intensity that catches me off guard. He reaches down, his fingers trembling as he guides my cock between his legs. “Fuck me, Ciaran. Ruin me.”
Wrapping my fingers around his wrist, I drag the sensitive skin there slowly between my teeth. "Say stop and I stop. That's the only rule I've got."
He drags in a shaky breath, his hands extending to grip my shoulders. “I'm not going to shatter, Ciaran. Stop deciding that for me.”
Light, he’s fucking adorable.
I pull out my fingers and align my weeping cock with his hole. “Last chance to tell me to—”
“Just… shut up and fuck me, Ciaran.”
“Bossy.” I press my mouth against the curve of his shoulder and give a shallow, testing shove of my hips. “Noted. Filed. Loved.”
Rowan’s breath stutters above me, his entire body locking as the stretch finally registers. It’s his first time, and I am far from small. I can feel the resistance of his body despite the lube. He tries to breathe through it, the air coming out scattered and chopped.
I stop moving, my hands tightening on Rowan’s hips, the veins in my temples bulging, my skin slick with sweat. I realize I’m holding back with everything I’ve got, blowing air through my nose to keep from losing control and driving home. I don’t want to break him.
“You good?” I heave, the cords of my muscles stretching taut beneath my skin.
“Yeah,” he breathes out, his eyes glassy as they find mine.
“You sure?”
“Keep going.” The words tremble. “Please.”
“Thank the Light. I think I’ll die if you stop me now.” I press a kiss to his temple, the touch nearly reverent against my own predatory nature. “You’re so fucking tight and warm and... perfect, mouse. You feel incredible.”
“How incredible?” he gasps.
I give another slow shove of my hips, feeding him a few more inches, stretching him until he hitches. “Like I should’ve done this a long time ago.”
“Really?”
“Mm.”
“I love the feel of you,” he moans, his fingers digging into my shoulders. “I love how much you stretch me. I’ve never... I’ve never let anyone this close to me. I’ve never wanted anyone to touch me here.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re the only one I want inside me.”