Landon
I t was the closest I’d come to confessing. “I’m not following you if it means leaving her.”
And yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to say it outright.
Kingston’s features tightened, as if my words had physically pained him, so I softened the blow. “Not right now. Not here with him and not like this.”
Betraying my feelings again wouldn’t help us. To choose to follow him when I needed to stay with her...
I couldn’t do it.
“I’m staying here. That’s all it means right now. I…I won’t tell her anything. But Kingston, I’m reaching my limit?—”
A laugh barked out of him, harsher and more derisive than he’d ever been with me. “You’re reaching your limit?”
I set my jaw and stared him down, forcing the momentary hesitation and the hint of regret out of my mind before they pulled me back toward him. I shuttered my expression so Kingston wouldn’t see it.
“You’ve been given orders, Sir Lancelot .”
He spat out my family name like it burned his tongue, and that nearly got me. It reminded me what we were fighting for, even if I didn’t have all the information.
But his tone kept me rooted in place.
“It’s best for everyone if you don’t forget that, .”
I scoffed, throwing my hands up as I turned away from him.
He was the King. I’d never questioned it before, or had a problem with deferring to him, because he was my best friend.
I didn’t covet his life. It wasn’t as charmed as people wanted to believe. And I’d been fine playing the part to support him.
But he was supposed to be my best friend, too.
Couldn’t he see what this was doing to me?
Didn’t I matter to him?
Or was I just the Knight at his side? Nothing more than his right hand.
I couldn’t fucking stand it.
“He wanted to meet her, .”
“No,” I growled, whirling to face him. “No, that can’t?—”
Kingston nodded. “I know.”
A dark, dangerous threat had been lingering over our heads, biding time for a chance to get rid of her. They’d come after her, too. Just like last year.
“, you have to believe me when I tell you there hasn’t been a single choice I’ve made that I’ve taken lightly.” He touched the wound on his chest. “And I’ll do whatever needs to be done to get her to the end, because…She is exactly what Camelot Court needs, . And I can’t tell you more than that without?—”
“Without what? What won’t you say? What the hell does that mean?”
“That’s enough.” He straightened, smoothing the front of his sweater. Slipping the mask back in place. “I’ve already said too much.”
“And what about her, Kingston? What will you tell her?”
He narrowed his eyes. “There are things I can’t share with anyone yet, . Things neither of us can share because they’ll only put her in more danger. Remove any hope we have of ending this, or…force my hand in a way neither you nor I want, whether you understand that or not.” He took a steadying breath. “You know there are things I can’t tell you. Things you’ve made me promise not to share and things I’m strictly forbidden from sharing. Rules I’ve broken only when there was no other way around it.”
My mind jumped to the cameras in the Round Tableau.
“But, , I plan to tell Quinn that. After the Honor Ceremony, I’ll share whatever I can, but I won’t be able to tell her everything. It’ll be up to her if she can accept that. If she wants to stay or go.”
“Go?” My heart pounded, fear bleeding through my veins at the thought of losing her fully. “What do you mean? You’re going to just let her leave?”
“Yes, .” His pained expression quickly shuttered. “I’ll give her the option to leave with what she came here for, if she decides that’s what she wants.”
I ran my hands through my hair, gripping the strands. Seconds from tearing them out. Go?
No. She wouldn’t go.
Could she?
And if she did, what was the point of it all? Why bring her here? What happened, then?
I couldn’t make sense of it. But the thought of her leaving sent pain through my skull. It groaned under pressure I couldn’t stand. Before it cracked.
Another crack.
I needed to understand.
“But if she goes…Kingston, what if you’re wrong? I thought you had a plan for her. I thought you wanted?—”
“Why does it matter, ?” He shook his head. “If she’s not safe here, if she wants to go, then she should have a choice.”
“But—” I cut the words off as another flash of pain hit.
“Why are you asking me that, ?”
His voice was resigned. So heavy I felt the weight of what he carried on my back. I needed to be honest.
But the truth wouldn’t come out.
He beat around the bush instead of calling me out, and I didn’t like it.
We both knew what he wanted me to say. He had to know…Had to have seen it coming as soon as he assigned me to be her Knight. Why did he need me to say it?
I couldn’t stand it.
Kingston sighed. “Like I said, that’s enough, .”
Everything was falling apart.
Because I didn’t choose her. I chose him.
I stared at the cabin, where she waited inside. Alone. With him.
Max Dread?
Kingston had gone mad. For the first time, completely ignorant. He was a fool if he thought?—
“, please . I need you to ask yourself something. If Max Dread is such a threat, why did we both leave her inside with him this whole time?”
I growled at the thought of trusting him. Max hated me for what he thought I’d done last year, and Quinn had already trusted him to keep her safe.
But Max let them in the door.
Still, Kingston was right.
If either of us thought Max would truly hurt Quinn, he wouldn’t be alone with her.
And I only had myself to blame for her falling for him. It was my fault she’d been open to him weaseling his way in. I wanted to blame him. I wanted to hate him, but…
He was there now because I hadn’t been.
“, the only people I trust with Quinn’s safety were in that cabin last night. Soon, that changes. So, whatever you need to do to get over him being a part of this, please do it. Not for my sake. Ideally, for yours. But at the very least, do it for her. Quinn will need all of us to get through what’s coming next, and once phase two begins…”
“You’ll do whatever it takes to get to the end.”
“If she stays, it has to be her, . After last year…We have one chance to try and make it right. And you know what happens if it’s anyone else. None of them will do what she can. What I know she will do if— when —she learns the truth.”
“But…what if she leaves?”
Neither of us knew the answer to that.
Unable to say it out loud. Unwilling to consider it.
“I can’t think about that yet, . Right now, all I can do is move forward, hoping she stays. Now, I’m asking you to trust me. But as I’ve said, I don’t need you to do that.”
He shut the car door, starting the SUV and throwing the shifter into reverse, and he backed out without even looking at me.
How long I stood there, I wasn’t sure, but I warred with myself over the right path to take long after he’d left.
Images I couldn’t fully understand looping through my mind. Emotions I couldn’t make sense of ripping through my chest. Venom poisoning me from the inside out.
I was splitting in two. Cracking into a thousand pieces. And I couldn’t see how to hold myself together without her.
But was this right?
Making moves without him—against him—when, for so long, I’d trusted him to guide me around the board?
I didn’t want to remember why I’d let that happen for so long. But every day, my mind fractured more. A protective shell splintering and allowing too much to slip out.
My dreams had become vivid. They felt impossibly real, but I couldn’t make sense of them.
The truth was coming out whether I wanted to face it or not. It felt obvious as he drove farther and farther away, and I didn’t move from the porch.
When she couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to keep my distance. Maintain the lines. Prepare her—protect her— for him.
But I failed him.
And now, failing her felt like it would tear me apart.
He’d said one word wouldn’t define me.
He’d said it couldn’t.
But…I stood there watching the last spot he’d been, staring without seeing anything at all. Until I couldn’t stand that anymore, either, and I went back inside to be closer to her.
I was who I was, and it was time to stop pretending I was anything else.
Sir Lancelot.
Traitor to the King.