Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Graham
Honestly, the wait it took for everyone to retire made me more anxious than the idea that this was actually about to happen. Losing my virginity was absolutely something I couldn’t take back. But deep down, aside from the expected jitters, I was a bit excited to just be getting it over with.
For so long, the idea of sex consumed me so much, it's what likely started the addiction. I had to separate what it was like to consume versus what it would be like to be in the moment, experiencing it. And honestly, maybe it was made a little easier at the thought that I’d be doing it with Jacqueline.
I really liked her. I didn't love her, but I was okay with that. She checked all my boxes, and was mature enough to conduct something casually without a messy outcome. It didn't even matter that she was more experienced, I was just grateful to have someone open minded enough to show me the ropes.
My mind wanted to plan so many things, but I know I’d be a slave to how my body reacted, so I was trying to have realistic expectations.
In the stroll to Jaq’s room, I tried to fill my head with nothing, so I wouldn’t get excited too quickly, but it was hard to when you knew you were about to have sex.
Only to be made worse arriving to the sight of Jaq waiting and willing, stretched out on the bed.
“Did anyone see you?” she asked, accepting my weight and pulling me onto the bed, as it melted into a mutual kiss of shared breaths and pants.
“Appeared like the coast was clear. But I don't know. It's a bit too quiet. My cousin was really friendly with your mate, so I fear the quiet means they’re up to no good,” I joked melting back into soft kisses.
Add the sensation of her palms massaging my back, and teasing the waist of my trunks and I was done for.
“Mmm…you're so fucking sexy, Graham,” she breathlessly whispered between snogs. It was nice to get complimented every once in a while. I don't think women understood how little men got complimented, so it really boosted my confidence, which in return, boosted my efforts.
“Mmm…you too,” I moaned, melting into putty as her lips found my neck. It's like she knew all the things to make me receptive. There wasn't a doubt in my mind I was about to have so much fun. It felt like we had been kissing forever when Jaq found the strength to pull away to set our expectations.
“Maybe we should talk. Discuss boundaries. Learn what each of us expect.” As I sat up, admiring her womanly frame stretched out.
“Maybe I should know what your expectations are. Anything you'd like for me to do, I'd be happy to meet. I don't trust myself not to get too excited before anything starts,” I bashfully remarked, hoping it was received as lightly as intended.
“Trust me. I have true and tried methods to get us on the same wavelength.
But I want to create a dialogue. Make sure you know critique is not criticism.
If I have suggestions, don't take it the wrong way.
They're just so we’re both enjoying it. Men tend to have this habit of switching things up the moment a woman is close, which I totally get.
It's instinctive to do what feels good to their body.
But say I go ‘just like that.’ That's exactly what I mean.
Don't go faster, don't go harder. If what you're doing is slow, keep it at that. If I do go ‘harder’, feel free to go harder,” she laughed, understanding she just contradicted herself.
“What our bodies respond to is different. Men tend to like variety. Women need something constant.”
“Got it.”
“Anything you'd like me to know?” she asked with earnest.
“Well, I want to be honest, because this did shape my first view of sex. But I struggled with a porn addiction in the past. It did somewhat warp any chance I had at having a healthy relationship with sex, so I’ve had to unlearn a lot.
All that’s to say is, this’ll be the first time really exploring that sexual side of myself with another person.
It’d be reassuring if you could practice patience, or forgive any mistakes I make along the way.
I apologize in advance if it takes me a bit to find a rhythm,” I admitted.
“I think it's just best if we remove our expectations and just feel each other.
Don't perform, just do what feels natural,” she assured.
“And I really was serious about it taking a while for me to climax with someone new.
So, don't get offended if I reach down or touch myself or reach for a toy.
They simply join, they don't replace. You're not doing anything wrong. I'm just doing what feels good.”
“Fair enough.” She sat up for this, and I was afraid my past reveal caused some concerns enough to get her to admit what she disclosed next.
“I also have a small confession to make. We never got this far last time, so I didn't find it necessary, but now? I'm a little anxious that my body might trigger you.”
“Okay?” I said with a hint of confusion.
“I got a breast augmentation in my late 20s, and just a warning even though they're really natural looking, they totally give off porn star tits. So, I hope I'm not like…setting an unrealistic expectation for you.”
“Honestly, Jaq, it's fine,” I interrupted, easing her fears. “If it was something that helped you with your confidence, I'm sure it'll show up when we…” I laughed, grateful when she joined in my awkwardness.
“I was just tired of being a member of the no titty committee, amongst friends with literal beer kegs, and they did really boost my confidence. I just thought that you should know.”
“Anything else?” As I laid back down, ready to get to it.
“Only that everyone's allowed to voice their concerns. If things stops feeling fun or natural, you're allowed to tap out.”
“Sound good,” as I nodded, but so many more thoughts and concerns came up. “Just so we’re clear, are we going the actual friends with benefits route. Or will we be the type of situation that doesn’t go into personal stuff. I’m just asking for myself to respect the boundaries involved.”
“Well,” kiss. We could have fun in other areas too.
” Kiss. “You said so yourself, New York is way too big and lonely to try to navigate it yourself.” Kiss.
“We can hang out.” Kiss. “Go out to a movie.” Kiss.
“Fuck,” she said in a smile that ended in a kiss.
“Hit up a museum…fuck.” Kiss. “We can be a very uncomplicated friend with benefits.”
“As long as I understand what I’m allowed with you,” I smiled, leaning in for another kiss. Now that that was settled, the kissing got deeper, limbs entangled, and it was getting harder and harder to hide what was growing below the belt.
“Sit back,” she instructed, confusing me at first, as it seemed to shift the natural flow.
“I'm not doing anything wrong, am I?” A genuine question.
“No, I'm just gonna go down on you first, because it helps get rid of that initial excitement. Getting back there is a little easier when we’re both are at the same level of arousal. I know what I'm doing, so I swear I'll be quick.” What could I do but enthusiastically agree?
Helping her out by lifting my bum, she pulled down the waist of my trunks, revealing a cock that would likely explode with any attention given to it, as she had to gently remind me to lay back down by pushing me onto my back.
“You have such a beautiful dick,” she smiled, meeting her lips to my shaft, causing an involuntary twitch.
“Thanks, I think,” I nervously laughed, anxiously anticipating the warmth associated with what her mouth felt like.
“Mmm…” she moaned, maintaining eye contact as she teased my shaft with a long lick, making my entire mid-section tense up. “I love sucking dick,” she admitted, gripping me firmly, teasing my frenulum with her adventurous tongue.
“Do you like the idea of me sucking your dick?” I blew out a loud, relieved breath, that my cock finally came in contact with her entire mouth. I was at her mercy.
“That looks so hot,” I confessed, instinctively bringing my hand to the back of her head to predict her rhythm.
A part of me knew I wasn't gonna last three minutes of this, but that was the point.
My refractory period was pretty fast, but there'd be a time where I'm not focused on getting head and climaxing for a good ten minutes.
She spit on my length, using it to corkscrew alongside the sides of me, my toes curling at the expertise and variety against the warmth. “Oh, fuck Jaq, I like that. I like that a whole fucking lot,” I moaned.
“Hmph,” she laughed under her breath. “I knew I'd get a swear out of you,” she teased, devouring me again, as I disappeared into her mouth.
“I can't help it,” my voice broke in a laugh. “It's really hard not to when your entire soul is being sucked out of you.” And then she started bobbing up and down with no mercy, so I was coming, whether I wanted to or not.
It was like the weirdest combinations of feelings because on one hand, it felt pretty dominant, having her selflessly focus on me, only my pleasure mattering in the moment. But on the other hand, I was equally helpless, captive to the fact she was leaving me a complete mess.
Warmth spread to my groin, and I was reaching that point of no return. “I'm gonna come, baby. Make me come,” I pleaded, as her tongue engulfed me in heaven built on wet, warmth and silk.
Instinctively, the hand behind her head met the free hand she’d been pressing down on my stomach with, and it wasn't long before my entire midsection tensed, my hips bucked, and all that my body had, emptied into her mouth.
Physically, I was spent, even though my only participation required for me to just sit there. But as the euphoria overtook, a big smile stretched across my lips, as her mouth withdrew.
“Well, you weren't lying when you said you were good at head,” I joked, pulling my waistband back up.
“I like to give it as good as I get,” she said, as she peppered kisses on my lower stomach, making my moment of calm that much more relaxing.