Chapter 20 #4
“I actually only have four—” Phew, I almost fainted. If they grew up together, that meant she’d had a whole bunch of toddlers before she even turned thirty. How did some women do that?
“Oh, well, that's nice. You always wanted at least four,” Graham recalled. “Glad you got to have that.”
“What about you?” she asked Graham, but it felt directed toward both of us.
“We're just enjoying our time here, Annie. We're not complicating it with things we're not ready for,” he asserted.
“Your girlfriend’s so pretty. At least you're dating someone normal and not some old lady like I kept hearing about—” But even though Wilhelmina and Ka’imi kept warning her behind Graham's back to stop talking, the damage was done.
Everyone had been expecting a forty-one-year-old woman needing a walker, and while I had nothing to prove, I had nothing to hide either.
“Old lady present,” I smized. “I left the cane and hearing aid at home just to be here, but I assure you, I've still got all my marbles,” I assured.
“Wow, Jacqueline, accept my apology. I shouldn't have stuck my foot in my mouth.”
“Yes, you really shouldn't have,” Graham doubled down.
“It's okay. I guess I should be flattered that I didn't give off more than Auntie vibes. Good thing I didn't bring my purse with my old lady candy in it. I would have left you with a keepsake,” I winked.
“Let's get back to our seats before the show starts back up,” Annie's husband argued, attempting to find a way out of the conversation. Graham seemed more upset than I was, the exchange silencing him for the rest of the show until we went out for burgers at the only late place open.
“I don't know if I should trust a place called the White Lady,” I joked, “I hope they season them burgers.”
“They're amazing. I promise,” he assured.
“Hey, Graham, Jaq, we're gonna take ours to go if you don't mind. We'll just Uber. Apparently, the kiddo can't sleep, and nothing Mum is doing is working for her. So, it's more of a job for…” His sister posed into a superhero stance. “Super Mum and Dad!”
“That's fine. Hope everything's okay,” Graham dismissed, as we regarded the menu. “Sorry about earlier.”
“Why?”
“Annie is nice, but she had no right to say that about you.”
“Graham, I'm Black. To society standards, I literally age in reverse. Your girl gon’ be alright,” I dismissed.
“Yeah, but you shouldn't have to deal with that just because everyone wants to share their opinion.”
“Graham, I'm a woman, it's nothing I haven't heard before.
And contrary to anyone under thirty, you will experience it too when you're forty.
Karma will have its way of humbling you, because aging is literally the only thing no human being can't un-experience.
I'd only care if I were your age, because only people your age are obsessed with their ages.”
“I don't care about age.”
“But you seem to care that your ex was married with four kids,” I remarked.
“Not because I want her or anything. It's just anyone is going to feel a type of way when someone they dated literally got married the moment you broke up—”
“Yeah, because she was definitely benchwarming, but I can't be mad. She looks happy, and not to brag, but I definitely got the better end of the stick. You never talk about her, so I'll put this on the list of many things that I don't know about you since coming to New Zealand.”
“Jaq, that's because there's so little to tell. We wanted different things. We split up, no hard feelings. I think Annie would have been content with anyone giving her a ring. I did love her, but I think she liked the idea of marriage more than the reality of it.”
“Would that have been your reality if you had stayed?”
“Does that matter?” he queried.
“It kind of matters. Given you wanted six kids growing up.”
“Yeah, when I was a kid. I didn’t know how having kids even happened. I didn’t get the birds and the bees talk like you probably did. Please don't hold the things like that against me.”
“I'm not, I'm just making a point.” It seemed like a simple question. One that should be easy to answer without pushback, but I know Graham was sensitive to it, given my insecurity about everyone being married off and parents here. Maybe I shouldn't have been insecure, but I just was.
Graham reached over to take my hand at his.
“Jacqueline, when I'm with you, I'm not worried about my past or future. I'm only living in the now. So, please just stay in the moment with me. That's not too much to ask, is it?”
“No.”
“Jaq, I love you. Please don't make a fight over things we can't control—”
“I wasn't trying to, just pointing out observations. Next time, I'll keep them to myself,” I dismissed.
“I didn't mean it like that, baby. I don't want you to not speak your mind, okay? I just want to enjoy my time while we're here. I want to go back to New York with no regrets.”
“Okay, Graham, I'm sorry.” I took his hand and kissed his palm, soothing my anxiety. It wasn't a fight, just a time where we just didn't see eye to eye. But I didn't want to be the cause of why he wasn't enjoying his time, so for the rest of the trip, I was going to keep my opinions to myself.