Chapter 26 #3
I'm not sure how you and Graham engaged each other in private, but in public you looked…safe. The kind of safety I’ve only seen in you when you relied on yourself.
Only he was carrying some of the weight.
You lit up in his presence. It was beautiful.
Plus, our dogs liked him and they’re everyone’s biggest critics.
You never bring anyone home. And then when you do, it's some Māori titan from New Zealand. Bitch, I should have got like you and tested every taste of the rainbow before I married your father,” she bantered.
“I hate to even ask, but I hope he at least put it down.”
“He could,” I pouted.
“Oh, girl. You will never hear me call you this again. But losing that was stupid.”
“I know,” I whined. “He made me really happy, but every time I put my guard down, I feared the worst could happen. Love makes me so suspicious, and that's something I know I have to work on. But he also had a lot of dreams. Ones I feared I couldn't give him,” I admitted.
“I’m progressive, but I can’t say the idea of my daughter partnering up with her equal isn’t something that isn’t sitting in the back of my mind.
Not because I feel it'll complete you. But because I just want you to have someone who I can feel confident will take care of you. The main reason I initially saw that in Hudson, was because you put the thought there. But you didn’t put anyone else there, until Graham.
This man literally thanked your father for your existence.
That man ain't doing nothing but deposit you,” she joked.
“But on a serious note, you never shrunk yourself with him. Never forgot yourself with him. He seemed to love the things about you that you didn’t even like about yourself. I pray that you find that again in your lifetime, because it’s really hard to find.”
“Trust me, I know. It existed in Graham, but he’s going back home. A whole nineteen hours away. I feel like I owe it to him to let him. It doesn't feel like my place to stand in the way of who he's meant to be.”
“Perhaps that's for the best. Sometimes you have to let someone go, to show that you truly love them,” as it wasn't long before Dad was singing his signature soca songs, a sign that his pepper pot stew was done.
“Dinner must be up,” my mother announced.
“Give me a minute. I'll be right down?” I asked as a question, followed by my mother's relief to get out of my drafty room. Giving thought to my mother’s words, I unzipped the compartment of my suitcase that held his Christmas gift.
One through five I’d reread over and over, because for some reason while they were the simplest, I loved that he could appreciate such minor things.
#1. Because you’re you
#2. Your wakeup voice
#3. Your laugh
#4. You love Autumn above all else
#5. You scrunch your nose when something’s too sweet
As they went on, they got more complex…
#204. I’m the man I want to be when I’m with you
#381. You don’t make me feel less than for not being the loudest man in the room
#420. Even when you’re not sure about the future, you still picture me in it
That one had me in my emotions a bit. I did like seeing in my future.
I just wasn’t sure we could make room for each other.
Even though he was actively loving me despite being a work in progress.
If I didn’t stop reading these, I was going to bawl out for sure.
My sinuses were already closing up and I didn’t want my parents to know I’d been crying.
Meeting my folks downstairs, I wiped away the show of tears, but it was easier to keep my face dry with a window open or two. Something did smell a little funky.
“You okay, baby? We've already got the fan going—”
“Maybe it’s your trash, but it just smells a little sour in here, I’ll just take it—” but in my attempt to take out the trash, all I’d found was a freshly placed bag. If it wasn’t the trash, where was the rotting smell coming from?
“Your mother already set the table. If you want, you can pour up the—” but dad hadn’t even finished the sentence before I was heaving into the empty trash. Mom rushed over to me, even if just to assist with keeping my hair back, but I was mortified.
“Don't take this the wrong way, Dad, but you must have changed something up in your recipe, because it smells awful,” the smell intensifying when he lifted the lid to check on it.
“I know you're not talking about my pepper pot stew? Only thing I did different was add seafood,” he admitted.
“It had to be something,” I said, rinsing my mouth out with tap water. “But I could just have food poisoning.”
“Either that, or you're pregnant,” my mother took a guess. The both of us just looked at her like she was crazy. “What? I wasn't gonna say anything, but had a dream about fishes the other day,” she admitted.
"Darling, are you okay?” My dad went over to comfort me.
“I was until mom said I could be pregnant,” I whined.
“I didn't say anything. Just a guess and a dream about fishes,” her attempt to dismiss.
“It might explain why every room you've been in, has been cold as ice. Morning sickness will make all your favorite smells smell like waste.”
“This can't be happening!” I yelled to no one in particular.
“Well, you won't know until you take a test.” And that was exactly what I planned to do. I just wasn't sure I could do it by myself.