Chapter 14 #7
She could stop anytime because it wasn’t about running. It was about control. The sleepless nights were over. The confusion. Questioning her own judgment. Overthinking the intentions of others. Dying to find humanity where there was none...
Love and violence were inherently entwined.
She rebuked both.
Her resurrection was total.
Elloven spotted an inn and slowed to a walk as she approached. She wasn’t tired anymore, but she didn’t know her way in the darkness. She’d travel at first light, but until then, she didn’t want to be found.
The proprietor was half asleep, propped against the bar.
“I need a room for the evening, if you have one.”
The man snapped alert. “Oh. Hello.” He gave his head a hearty shake. “Right then. A room. Yes, I have three tonight. Not much difference between them.”
“Any will be fine.” She glanced behind her, half expecting to have been followed. If they had, she’d lost them.
“Ten dinars,” he said.
Elloven had no money, but instead of looking for a compromise, she made another choice. “I’m the cousin of your leaders in the sept. They will see my tab is paid.”
The man perked in surprise. “Of course. Of course we have a room for you, and there’ll be no need for a tab. Forgive me for not recognizing you.”
“You wouldn’t,” she said. “And you’ll forget me when I’m gone, which will be at dawn if you know where I can find a carriage to spare.”
“There is always a carriage to spare for your family, madame. Will you require a driver?”
She’d driven a carriage exactly twice in her life, and neither ride had gone particularly well. “Just to the border and then I’ll see my way from there.”
“Will you be traveling with anyone? Shall we send word to the curatrix?”
“No,” Elloven answered. Curatrix. So Estelar wasn’t pretor these days. She wondered who had taken his place, then realized she didn’t care. “And no. But I’ll accept any leftovers from evening service.”
He nodded swiftly. “I’ll have some stew warmed and sent up right away. The bread is stale—”
“That’s fine.”
“Can I procure anything else for you, madame?”
Elloven smiled, as warmly as she could. “Nothing I couldn’t do for myself.”
Jesstin woke with the tang of mossy dirt in his mouth. He spat it out and sat up as his thoughts caught up.
He was in the marsh. He’d slept there after one of the worst nights of his life.
Gennady was gone. He’d threatened to leave Jesstin many times, but this one felt permanent. If Jesstin could feel good about anything, it was that he’d opened the door that would finally offer Gennady the peace he deserved.
Sesto was already standing at the door when he returned. “Jesstin, I haven’t seen you in thirty-three years, and already you’re trying to give me heart failure?”
“I’m sorry,” Jesstin said. He ran his fingers through his hair, then down his face. “She’s not here, is she?”
“You mean she’s not with you?” Sesto skittered onto the porch, his head on a swivel and his cardigan wrapped tight, and started for the road. Would Jesstin ever get used to seeing him so changed? Would it ever feel normal again?
Jesstin grabbed his arm. “Ses.” He shook his head.
“Oh.” His expression shifted with his understanding. “Oh.” A pause passed. “The two of you, in the Infinitum, did you...”
“Yes.”
“How far did it go?”
“As far as anything can go. But it’s done. It’s over. I don’t want to talk about it.” The sight of Sesto’s stricken face adjusted his message. “If I were to talk about it with anyone, it would be you.”
“You poor dear thing.” Sesto clucked his tongue and sighed at the empty road. “Did you sleep out there... wherever you were?”
“Some,” Jesstin said. “I’m leaving once I’ve cleaned up. Alone.”
Sesto’s mouth pursed in objection.
“Come later, if it’s what you really want, but you can’t just walk away from everything. And you’re a better man than me, looking after Considine, but from what you’ve told me, he won’t survive the trip.”
“We are coming. But you’re right, not today.
Daire and I discussed it while you were.
.. out.” Sesto ushered him back to the porch and gestured for him to sit.
“Do you not think it prudent to convalesce for at least a few days, until you know what residual issues might have followed you from the netherworld?”
Jesstin plopped down with a sigh as long as his list of sins. “Whatever issues I brought back, they’re coming with me wherever I go.”
“And where will you go?”
“My mother left some property to me. It may be someone has seized it after all these years, and if so, I’ll go back to Mythgarde and try to find someone interested in selling to me. Thanks to you, I have money waiting.”
“You know you’ll have to say you’re the son of the Jesstin they know.”
“I’ll have plenty of time on the road to cook up a great story before I get there.
” Jesstin watched the morning fog’s sluggish retreat.
It split the valley in two, making it seem like they were in the clouds.
“Jesstin Skylark the Depraved, Champion of Ignis and the Infinitum, Conqueror of the Conductor, Stealer of Flames, Killer of Friends, Son of No One is unwelcome there. But Jesstin the Second, Fresh of This World, Arbiter of...” He shrugged. “I’ll have to work on that.”
“Do.” Sesto snorted. “Did running the Azure really make you happy?”
“You know it didn’t.” Jesstin rocked the chair with his foot. “But that was then.”
“Will you try to see anyone from your old life?”
“Everyone who loved me doesn’t remember me,” Jesstin said. “The rest don’t matter.”
“Not everyone.” Sesto wrapped his fingers around Jesstin’s arm, and it was hard not to notice the age in them. He looked good, and his health had kept, but there was no denying he was in his sixties. Jesstin couldn’t imagine life without his Sesto, and he didn’t want to.
“I love you, Sesto,” Jesstin said. “Another month down there and I might have had to wait to see you in the afterlife.”
Sesto batted a hand and made a pfft sound. “Die? Me? I’m too obstinate.” He pretended to fix his nonexistent hair. “And handsome.”
“Daire certainly thinks so.”
Sesto’s flush was enchanting. “I’d never have met him if you hadn’t dragged me halfway across the kingdom.”
“Asterin sent you after us.”
“He’s the reason I knew I could stay here, wait for you.
I’d never leave Rhiain if she was in need, but she and the children could not be more safe and loved.
I desperately hope you take at least that comfort in your new circumstances, Jess.
Life has not always been kind to you, but your heart reflects the love you received and gave.
Don’t let all of this harden you, like everything that came before.
It doesn’t have to. You’re being offered an opportunity.
You’ll start over, and you’ll be the man I know you to be.
I’m not suggesting this; I’m ordering it.
You will do as I say, or I’ll be very, very cross. ”
Jesstin whistled and rested his hand over Sesto’s. “I know better than to cross Sesto Loken.”
“See? Already off to a swimming start.”
The fog had thinned, disintegrating into the bustle of the day. It was so quiet on the hill. So peaceful. He could see how Sesto had been happy there. He was tempted to live out his days the same way.
But he didn’t believe, not for a second, that Castien’s supposed “defective wick” was enough to keep him from doing evil. Slowed him, maybe. Stopped him? There was only one solution to that.
The law might never prosecute Jesstin for what he’d done to Gennady, and Elloven had spared him, but he would never turn his back on the crimes of his kin. Not for redemption. He was beyond that. Not for martyrdom. He had no interest in such wasteful nonsense.
He’d finish the work Gennady started and wouldn’t rest until he’d put Sestinn and Castien in the ground, because Gennady had died for the Edevanes’ sins.
“I’ve been thinking about that stew from last night I didn’t touch.” Jesstin rubbed his belly. “One more meal, before I hit the road?”
“One more, for now, you deviant boy.” Sesto lifted from the chair with a whimsical smile and extended a hand toward Jesstin.
“One more for now.” Jesstin mirrored his grin as he let Sesto pretend he was strong enough to pull him up. “You old eunuch.”