Chapter 10 #3
“It’s absolutely less stable than pavement. You’ve really never walked on rocks and dirt before—watch that.” Shane grabbed a branch so that it didn’t snap back into my face.
“I was busy,” I said irritably.
“Would you rather be working at Walter’s right now, or hiking through the woods?”
“That depends on the company. If I was hiking with my dad, then it would be a fully miserable experience because he hates doing new things. Oh, ow. No, I’m ok,” I told him.
My ankle had twisted but it hadn’t hurt too much.
“I like being out here with you, even if I am just about to fall. And I would rather be just about anywhere than working in a restaurant. With anyone, including you—no offense.”
“What if it was a restaurant that also served salmon?” Shane suggested, and laughed when I pretended to retch. “I wouldn’t mind a nice piece of that right now.”
“So, it seems like you’re not upset anymore,” I commented. “It looks like you bounced back from…from the news you got.” I didn’t say “terrible news” or anything about a disaster or depression.
“What am I going to do?” he asked me. “Sit at home and cry?”
That would probably have been my first move. “I guess not,” I said. “But are you sad? Worried?”
We kept walking, me stepping carefully because of nature and him moving freely because apparently, his low vision wasn’t bothering him like the uneven terrain bothered me. “What am I going to do?” he asked again. “I can’t just give into it.”
“It’s not giving in—” I stopped, though, to think about that.
Maybe if he accepted what was happening, it would completely engulf him.
He had to keep going as if it wasn’t affecting him at all because otherwise, it would be like the tide dragging him out to drown him.
It was probably better to feel like he was fighting, like it was possible to fight, rather than letting it carry him along.
I had felt better when I was coming up with my plan to bag a Woodsmen player, even if it had been far-fetched and…
well, it hadn’t been very nice. I had been planning to use one of them for money and stability.
I hadn’t wanted a real relationship, one with commitment and all that stuff.
I hadn’t been looking for someone to love me—that was never a goal.
Financial security was number one and now I was in the position to achieve it for myself, since I didn’t have the heavy foot of the restaurant standing on my neck anymore.
Therefore, I didn’t need anyone.
Shane was talking about the Woodsmen summer training, which would start soon.
That had been our crazy busy season at the restaurant and in years past, I had tried to get everyone ready for it.
I had argued with my dad about prep time and ignored him as he yelled and insulted me.
I had fought with my mom about placing supply orders that she thought were too expensive but yes, we actually needed food…
“What do you think?”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention just now,” I admitted.
“I know. We’re not even walking.”
I realized that yes, we had stopped. “I’ve been worried about a lot of stuff but I’ll put that all out of my mind,” I told him.
“Were you worried about me?”
“Yes. Very,” I answered, and Shane sighed.
“Good golly. I knew I shouldn’t have told you what the doctor said.”
“No! I mean, yes! Yes, you absolutely should have. I want to know all of this and I would be very, very mad later if I found out that you had been hiding things. Of course, it’s your personal, medical information, and you don’t have to tell me. But also, I would be furious.”
He laughed. “So I better spill the beans.”
“Yes, absolutely, and then I’m going to take my cues about how to handle that information from you. If you’re not worried? I won’t be, either,” I told him. And damn it, I would try to make that a true statement.
“I’m not worried,” he promised. He sure had been the day before, though, upset enough that it made me feel almost sick because I got so upset, too. That was something he addressed in what he said next. “You’re not responsible for my problems, Molly.”
“What? I know I didn’t cause a genetic condition with your eyes.”
“I mean that you’re not responsible for fixing me, either,” he explained.
Right. I needed to let him handle his own problems. I nodded in agreement and he continued.
“What I was saying before, which I don’t think you heard, was that I’ve been talking to the Woodsmen about my future there.”
That was something I’d also given a lot of consideration. A lot of his job depended on his sight: he had to watch the players’ film, view them in action, and read their stats and measurements. How would he do that if his vision deteriorated? “What did you talk about?” I asked.
“They’re looking for a new quality control coach for next year.
That’s the lowest level, or near there, on the coaching staff.
It doesn’t pay well compared to what the other guys make, but it would be a raise and a move up the ladder for me.
It’s a step toward being a position coach.
” He explained that the job involved a lot of that film study, preparing reports, developing databases, and other scut work.
Things not related to actual contact/coaching of the players, in other words, and all things that involved using his eyes a lot!
“Wow,” I said, concerned. But I had just told him, literally minutes before, that I would take my behavioral cues from him. He was happy so I adjusted my tone. “Wow! That’s a great promotion!”
“I know,” he agreed, smiling. “They said they’ve been happy with my scouting and they think I’d fit in great with the rest of the coaching staff. I’d be on the coaching staff.” His smile grew.
I was still concerned, though. “Are they going to make accommodations—”
“I didn’t ask for any accommodations,” he told me. “I don’t need them.”
I wasn’t going to be cued into something ridiculous. “You do need them,” I stated. “Like, you can’t drive at night at all. I looked up the rules for a Michigan license and even during the daytime, there are definite requirements about your field of vision.”
“I’m not going to let anything hold me back,” Shane said. “I have the opportunity to move onto the coaching staff of the Woodsmen and I can’t jeopardize that.”
“But…” I had just decided that I would let him handle things. It was his life, right? I couldn’t stop myself. “But what if you need help? People do, you know?”
“When did you ever ask for help?”
“I’m living in your house right now,” I pointed out.
“You’re my roommate and you pay rent. That’s a huge help to me, not the other way around. And if you move into your own place, you won’t need me at all.” He held aside another branch. “Let’s keep going. It’s a beautiful day.”
He was correct that it was lovely weather, but he was wrong about other things. Like not needing help? He did! Everyone did, sometimes. He was wrong when he’d said that I was just his roommate, because I was also his friend. And about me not needing him at all…
I trudged along and nearly slid to my death, and he caught me—an example right there of how I required help and companionship. But more specifically, I needed Shane. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he needed me, too.