Chapter 32 Angel
Angel
She’s avoiding us. Her heat ended two days ago, and we woke to find her gone from the nest. Hiding upstairs. Running at every opportunity, shying away from us. The fledging bond shimmers with her distress, but she won’t let anyone close enough to help her.
I glower at her as I watch her run outside, pick up a broom, and start beating the ever-loving fuck out of her carpet like it’s the external sum of all the things destroying her life.
I run my hand along my jaw and consider my options.
“Should we stop her?” Hazard asks.
“No, she needs to beat these demons on her own,” I mutter. “That’s what Wrath said.”
But two days is almost pushing my temper to its limits. Her scent is still imprinted on my mind and memory. In my nose and clothes. I want her back. I need to touch her, hold her, make sure she’s okay.
My pack mates feel the same; the bond that links us is thrumming with tension. Vibrating with our unhappiness.
She beats that damn carpet for an hour. I watch every blow. My anger grows in increments until I feel like I’m going to shred myself out of this skin and challenge her. Protect her from herself.
If that’s what it takes.
I know what’s driving her. I know that feeling. The trapped, vulnerable feeling of enjoying something and not being sure it’s right or that it won’t hurt you. Your body responding to stimuli that you aren’t completely on board with.
I’m slamming the door open before I can think it through, snagging the broom out of her hand as she brings it back for another whack.
I tear it from her grasp and hurl it across the yard, and then I step into her space, moving with her, aggressive, challenging as she steps back, her eyes downcast, shoulders hunched.
I snarl.
She flinches! Flinches.
I want to howl at the wrongness of it all.
“Are you scared of me?” I ask.
Her eyes flash up to mine, and I’m relieved by the sheer mad rage in her eyes. Not scared, but angry. Why?
She stares up at me as if daring me to figure her out.
“Do you think now that we’ve had you, we’re going to turn into monsters?”
She recoils away from me and turns to face the yard. “Are you?”
I walk up and lean over her back, ignoring the way she flinches. “We’re monsters already. You knew what we were when you got involved. It wasn’t our right; it was our privilege to see you through your heat.”
“I used you,” she says so quietly I almost miss it.
My mind spins wildly, a hole opening up. It never once occurred to me that she thought she had abused us. What is even wrong with this adorable omega?
“Mutual use. I used you right back. Casey, listen to me, I enjoyed it. I had a choice; that’s more than anyone has given me in years.”
Her head hangs, and I shift her hair over one shoulder and nuzzle her exposed neck.
“I had a choice with the first guy, but I didn’t know what was going to happen.
I didn’t know about the guys waiting. He wasn’t even done when they appeared, but I couldn’t…
there were too many…and I wasn’t at full strength yet.
I couldn’t reveal or I would give up any chance at freedom.
I’d be mated and bonded and stuck with an alpha I hated forever.
So I didn’t fight, and something happened to me.
The wolf that I’d felt…she just disappeared. ”
I turn her in my arms and take her chin in my hands. “Yes, you did. You fought in a different way; you fought for survival. I made their pleasure their pain. Equal parts, that’s how I fought them.” I say the words to both of us. “There’s no shame in doing what we had to to survive.”
She sniffs and then leans forward, resting her forehead on my chest. It’s such a small gesture of her trust and comfort that it melts away the last of my anger.
“Now, I know that you might feel a bit stupid, but do you think you can let us idiots take care of you, just for a little bit? We know you’re capable; we just want to do something nice to help you feel better.”
She nods without lifting her head off my chest. I lift my arms and carefully wrap them around her.
“Was it bad?” I’m hesitant to ask, but I have to know.
She lifts her head, only just missing cracking the top of her head into mine. “No! Why would you ask that? Was it bad for you?”
“No!”
We’re both staring at each other wide eyed. If I look anything like her, it’s appalled and terrified.
“It was great. Amazing. The best experience of my life,” I promise.
“Me, too.” She takes my hand and squeezes my fingers. “Angel, I…thank you.”
“We aren’t going to change just because. Remember that.”
“All right.”
I lead her inside, where Riot struts over to her, cups her cheeks, and kisses that adorable dazed look back on her face.
Hazard seizes her around the waist and then carries her into the kitchen and sits her on the bench. He picks up a plate of food and holds out a forkful to her. I watch for a minute and then go down the hallway to my bedroom and walk in, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Was I okay?
Yes, it was different with her, but am I being completely honest? I can feel the hold of that bracelet tamping us all down, restricting us. It’s like having a collar on. Freedom isn’t ours. We can pretend it is, but it isn’t.
That’s not her fault, though.
I grapple with my emotions, trying to find a solution, trying to find an answer. I let out a growling whine, and when I look up, Khaos is there, staring at me sadly.
He comes in and sits on the bed.
“It’s been hardest on you. Damn your pretty face.”
I shove at him, but it lacks conviction. He’s not wrong, though. Hazard, even though it’s just colour that marks us different, looks mischievous, evil. Khaos, Wrath, and Riot look downright dangerous. But they tell me I look like an angel, it’s why I chose this name.
If only they could see inside to see how evil and rotten I really am.
“We could be happy here,” I rasp out. I could be happy here. With her.
Khaos stares at me, and his eyes reveal the truth. “For how long? We can’t stay here, Angel, we have to go home. You can’t live with a collar, and neither can I.” He stands up and walks out of the room.
The day passes with that conversation going around and around in my brain. But I don’t have an answer, and I can’t find a way of making our mate ours.
I blink my eyes open and find her crouched next to me. She tugs on my arm until I stand, and then she helps me into bed. She climbs in next to me, and we lie there staring at each other.
“I know.”
Two words that shatter me. Two words to devastate me.
“We’ll find you. I will find you,” I whisper. “As soon as I’m free, I will find you again.”
She smiles sadly. “You don’t owe me promises.”
“I know. But I’m giving it to you, anyway.”