Chapter 36 Casey
Casey
Riot and I are doing the dishes when a car rocks up at the house. I look out the window, and my smile dies on my lips.
“What the fuck does he want now?”
I dry my hands on the tea towel and walk outside to see Angel leaping towards Liam, looking like he’s going to kill him.
Liam raises his hand, and I think I see silver. A gun? No!
“Stop!” I shout out, the word filled with terror and fury.
Angel stops dead, obeying me instantly.
I run towards them, but Liam lifts his hand and punches Angel in the face. He gets five hits in. Angel doesn’t even step to the side to defend himself. He doesn’t even raise his arms.
I shove Liam, shoving him so hard he hits his car with an audible thump. He blinks hard.
“You stupid bitch!”
Is he drunk? The vicious, hateful tone is new but one I suspected was hidden deep beneath his skin.
“What are you doing here?” I scream at him. “Get out of here!”
“I’m here to take you to the pack gathering, it’s been moved up.”
“I’m not part of your pack, and this is your last warning. Fuck your pack and your pack meeting.”
Liam sneers. “This is your last chance. We won’t go easy on you now.”
He gets up, wipes the dust off, and gets in his car and drives away. I stand there, furious and terrified, and then I whirl on Angel, who still hasn’t moved. He’s got blood running down the side of his face.
“Why didn’t you move?” I scream at him. “What’s wrong with you! Oh, god, Angel, you’re hurt!”
His jaw works furiously. But he still doesn’t move.
I stare at him, confused. My anger fades, leaving me feeling tiny and terrified. I don’t like the horror in his eyes.
There’s something wrong. Three words echo in a hideous whisper with perfect clarity into my mind. My stomach dips.
“Angel?”
I inhale so sharply it hurts. The pain of the realisation of what I’ve done sinks into me.
Oh. My. God.
“Angel, Angel. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” Tears fill my eyes and spill over. “How do I undo it?” I scream.
I shriek it over and over until Khaos calms me down enough to talk to me through it. It takes forever.
Angel sags. His whole body trembles, and he can’t look at me. He can’t even look in my direction. When I reach out, he skips back five steps, his eyes wild, growling ferociously.
“Don’t touch me,” he growls, full of savage rage. Acting like I’m a monster. Like I hurt him.
I did hurt him.
I pull at the bracelet, scratching up my arm, trying to get it off, but it won’t budge.
Oh, god. I didn’t even mean to do it. It was an accident. I…I push Khaos off me and stumble away from them, throwing up the contents of my stomach and then heaving, unable to stop. None of them come near me.
I can’t. I can’t do this.
I run to the house, seize my keys, and then sprint like the wolves of Pack Foster are on my trail to my truck and get in. I drive dangerously, not caring about anything but putting as much space between them and me. Ignoring the howls, ignoring the shouts.
I just sink my foot down on the accelerator and drive into town. When I get there, I wrap my arms around the steering wheel and bury my face in my arms.
Silent tears slide down my face. What did I do? How did I even do that? It was so easy; with one misspoken word, and I took all his choice. I reduced him to less than nothing. I just ordered him, and worse, I made him vulnerable to our enemies.
My phone beeps, and I look at the message. My date will meet me in half an hour.
I get out of my car and go to the café. I stare at a circular stain on the table and replay what happened today over and over.
“Hello?”
I blink and look up. The waitress is young, but she looks tired.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry, but we’re closing.”
With swollen and tired eyes, I look around. The day has changed to night and passed while I’ve been lost in my thoughts.
“I’m sorry.” I stand up. “Uh, thank you.”
She gives me a smile. “Fuck him. Whoever he is.”
I give her a tight smile and wander out to the streets.
I stop beside my truck. The tires have been slashed. All four of them. I have two spares, but not four.
The wild howls of the gathering can be heard, a distant threat celebrating, and it feels like they’ve won. I’m so tired, I can’t keep fighting them.
I close my eyes and pull out my phone. There’s a message there. I open it.
“Running late,” I murmur and snort. I hadn’t even remembered the date. A no show. How sad.
And there are five perfect alphas sitting at home, probably hating me. My chest aches as if someone has reached into it and removed my heart. I rub the spot, but it eases nothing and just brings tears to my eyes.
I feel like I’ve lost something precious. Something so good it could have changed my life. Something I didn’t know I wanted until it was there in my hands. For a few days, for a few hours, I could see a life I wanted.
The night is cold and so loud, I’m lost in the dark again. I squeeze my eyes closed. I need to see them. Their loathing will break me. I need to have them hate me. Yell at me. Anything. Something.
I pull out my phone and wallet and put them in a smaller bag, and then I shift. Right there in town, on the empty streets. I pick up the small bag and run, leaving my truck behind me.
I stand in the bushes, watching my house for a long time. Trying to get some sense of the feeling. Trying to decide if I have the courage to walk in there.
I finally force myself to move, one leg after another, until I climb up the porch and stand before the door.
It’s yanked open, and Riot stares at me. For a second, I see agony in his eyes, and then the screen door is wrenched open, and he pulls me into his arms.
I’m so surprised I can’t do anything but stand there, fighting the urge to cry.
“Where did you go?” his hoarse whisper strips all the mental walls I’ve built and leaves me a trembling, broken mess.
I sob into his shoulder.
“Baby, where did you go? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
I’m so hurt.
“I’m fine. I went to town because I needed to think.”
He strokes my back and drags me into the kitchen, putting me on the island.
Now I understand what that pain is; now I understand what that ache is inside my chest.
Knowing what the wound is doesn’t make it less painful.
It’s over. We’re over.
I hear a creak of wood and turn to see Hazard standing in the doorway. His eyes are red and puffy.
“Casey…”
I wipe away a tear that runs down my cheek. I can’t look away, but I don’t think I deserve to look at him at all.
“Can I see him?”
Hazard hesitates, and it’s that hesitation that shatters what little hope I had left.
“Okay.”
I follow him down the hall. He opens Angel’s door, and I walk in and kneel beside the bed.
I stare at his back for a long time. He knows I’m here, but he’s refusing to turn around.
Khaos runs his fingers over my shoulders and leaves the room.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
I shuffle closer and reach out. My fingers come so close to him, but, at the last minute, I pull my hand back.
“I’m sorry. I spent hours thinking, and I’ve come to two huge epiphanies.
Drew, I would never, ever have done that intentionally.
I need you to know that. You probably don’t want me anywhere near you.
I get that. I totally understand that. So, I’m going to say this quickly and then I’m going to leave. ”
He still doesn’t speak or move. He’s just lost; the whole room screams of pain. His scent is muted. I broke him.
“I went into town, and I sat at the coffee shop playing what happened over and over in my mind. And I’m making a choice for you. I’m making one for me and one for the pack. And I’m making it because I think I have to be the one.”
He still doesn’t move.
“I love you, Angel. I love all of you.”
His body tenses.
“I didn’t even recognize the feeling inside me. I haven’t felt those feelings in so long. So, feeling them completely threw me. Thank you for that.”
I sigh and rest my head on the mattress.
“It hurts. It feels so good, and it hurts worse than anything. And that discovery, that understanding of what I’m feeling, that leads to my choice.”
I sit back, putting space between us.
“There will be no us. Not now and not ever. I will free you, and you will live your lives. I will move on with my mate, and we can remember each other fondly. In one year, the moon will let our fated threads turn to ash, and we will be free. That’s the choice I’m making for us.”
I can’t reject the bonds. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t make myself do it. Instead, I stand up and move towards the door.
Four wolves watch me with varying degrees of despair.
They heard everything.
“I love you all.” The silence is thick and the most painful thing I’ve ever lived with. There is no hope, not in any of us. “I am so sorry.”
I brush past them; no one reaches out to stop me, and what would they say even if they did?
I go into my room and shut and lock the door, then I go into the bathroom and close the door. I climb into the shower and sit on the floor with my knees to my chest and stare at the wall, trying to decide if it was better to have loved and lost or never to have loved them at all.
Two weeks pass with us barely speaking to each other. I avoid them all, disappearing into the forest all day and going straight into my bedroom to sleep.
But I feel their eyes. I know they watch me. I find little things, my bedding changed. Flowers left out. They leave food for me in the fridge.
Someone went and got my truck. Changing all the tires and leaving the keys on the island in the kitchen.
Angel doesn’t leave his room.
Every night, I flirt and talk to men I’d rather bury. I try to win them over. I put effort into men who ask for photos and disappear.
Who organise to meet up and, on the day, just vanish into thin air.
Who calls me fat.
Who told me I’m not big enough.
Who wants sex.
Who wants marriage.
Who wants, wants, wants.
I dread turning on the app. I get nauseous just thinking about dealing with the parade of vileness that is coming across. The number of hairy balls and penises I’ve seen is staggering.
I frown at the nausea that rises again. It’s been frequent these days. I’m working too hard. With a sigh, I close the computer.
How do I choose a mate when I don’t even want one?
There’s a tap, and I glance up in time to see Riot push the door open.
“Riot,” I say his name like a prayer.
He closes the door and crosses over to me.
“I know you don’t want to do anything to make this harder, but please…can I just give you a hug?”
I nod and bite my lip. He sits on the bed, and I curl into his chest. This is the first time I’ve touched any of them since it happened, and I feel myself crumbling inside.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” I whisper.
“So have the rest of them.”
I don’t answer that.
“How is Angel doing?”
“Ah, well, he’s gone into a memory. He’ll come out when he realises that you are not them.”
I wince. Riot rocks us both and kisses my head.
I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t make myself stop.
“I’m trying to fix this.”
“No, we don’t have to talk about this.”
My laugh is broken and bitter. “I’m working on it. I’ll figure it out.”
“No, Casey. I can’t. I can’t talk about you, about this being over.”
“It is over.”
“It’s not. It’s fucking not. There’s no way. I’m not giving up on you, on us.”
“I won’t hurt you. Riot, there is no way for this to work. Khaos was right. I won’t hurt him anymore, or you,” I snap.
“He can heal. He can get better,” Riot snaps back. “But this…this is a once in a lifetime.”
“And maybe we all pissed off the fates. Maybe we don’t get a happy ending.” I turn my head, and our lips are so close I can almost taste him.
His eyes drop to my lips. He searches my eyes slowly, and then he closes the space.
I groan into him, opening my mouth, our tongues sliding together.
“We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“We’re destined to be doing this. You belong to this pack, Casey.”
There’s a bang on the door.
I tear my mouth from his and struggle out of his arms.
“Your family is here,” Khaos snarls through the door.
I feel myself grow cold. Time just ran out.