30. Chapter Thirty
Shirin was snoring in her bed, safely tucked against Reshef. It was comical seeing them paired together, Shirin”s long legs threaded together with his in a platonic battle of who would win most of the mattress. Elodie was lying flat on her stomach, a half-opened bottle of fion barely clutched by the hand dangling over the side of her bed.
Kalia was afraid to go to sleep. Worried that she would wake up and it would all be a dream. That she would be back in the bordello watching Cranford Reed abuse the women who worked there. She realized she had been reaching out to them in her way and pleading for connection and love all along.
Or she had just learned how to read the signs. She wondered how many people she had missed out on and how many she passed by who would have given her the chance if she had only reached out with her hand in return.
It all made Kalia think of Pete—sweet, steady Pete and his apothecary—the one place she had felt safe. Pete had been a friend, a good one. She wondered what he would think of her now. She thought of his smiling face, his warm hand squeezing her own. Pete would be proud of her that she knew.
The sound of boots tapping in the hallway outside the door pulled Kalia from her thoughts. She stared at the gap in the threshold, where a shadow passed. The footsteps stopped, then started up again, the shadow sliding by again. Kalia narrowed her eyes, quietly slinking out of bed. The floor was cold against her bare feet, shockingly so, but she muffled her yelp of surprise as she grabbed the knife Shirin always placed on the small table nearest the door.
Placing a hand on the brass key, Kalia winced as the lock”s mechanism clicked once, the sound like a gunshot in the silence of the night. Reshef groaned, flipping onto his other side and pulling the blanket with him. Shirin snored in response.
The footsteps stopped again as Kalia cracked open the door and slid through, sticking to the dark wall of the passage as she went. It was a man; she could tell as much by the curse he whispered and the broad build of his shoulders. She clutched the knife”s handle, readying to use it the next time he returned to the door. And her chance was coming closer…just a little bit closer…
”Gods, Kalia, what the fuck!” The man whispered as she swung the knife upward, catching the tunic with the tip of the utensil. There was a long riiiiiip sound as the fabric tore in two.
”Rahmi?” Kalia hissed, letting the knife hang at her side. ”What are you doing down here?”
”Looking for a new shirt now,” he replied, plucking at the gaping hole at the front of his tunic. ”Why are you out here with a knife?”
Kalia swung it around in a vague gesture, her brow quirked with impatience. ”Pirate ship. Strange noises outside of our door. What the fuck do you think I”m doing out here?” That much should have been clear.
”I just…this was a mistake,” Rahmi said, shaking his head as he backed away from her.
Before Kalia knew what she was doing, before she even had the chance to take it back, her hand shot forward and clasped tightly around his wrist. ”Rahmi,” she said softly, murmuring his name like it was a prayer offered to the gods. ”Why are you here?”
Rahmi looked like he was fighting a losing battle. His brown eyes, darker than usual in the dimly lit passage, roved over her face. He drank her in, unapologetically so, and she found herself meeting the intensity of his gaze. Somehow, she found herself mirrored through him. She saw him, all of him.
And the prospect of him seeing all of her terrified her to her very core. It was like a cresting wave from a battering storm that threatened to sweep her away. She would get lost in him, he would consume her entirely, and she would never recover.
He reached into his pocket, retrieving something he held tightly in his fist. He looked at it for a heartbeat before holding it out to Kalia. She lifted it toward the lantern that swung meters down the passage, just enough light in the hallway to make out the beautiful carving of a horse head.
Rahmi had detailed it down to the tiny, expertly placed notches that made up the mane, the gentle curves of the eyes, and the concave crooks for nostrils. Kalia ran her thumb over the muzzle, the wood so perfectly shaved and sanded that it was smooth against her skin.
”You were carving this on our way to the prison.” Kalia”s gaze lifted to meet his, her entire body stiffening. ”I remember watching you.”
Rahm nodded his head, though his eyes dropped to her shoulders. ”Yes. It was the horse of my family when I was a child. I don”t finish the carvings often, but this one…this one I finished for you.”
The gentle kindness radiating from him at that moment was far too much for her. He was supposed to be rigid and unyielding, jagged and broken—like her, like them.
”I won”t accept this,” Kalia retorted, extending her hand to return it to him. Can”t accept this, is what she meant to say. She couldn”t take it because she didn”t deserve to receive it.
Something that resembled shock entered his eyes, followed by fury in its wake. He was angry. She could see it simmering within him. Yes, that she deserved.
”You”ve come this far,” Rahmi seethed, the sound sinking in her flesh. ”Your mother, your brother. Everything you”ve done to stay alive. And now you”re going to wipe away all of it? You started as nothing to me, as the bane of my existence, and you became everything—”
Kalia was still holding out the carving, but Rahmi refused to take it. ”You can”t be with me, Rahmi—”
”Why?” he cut in sharply, crossing his arms over his chest. Another act of defiance. ”Everything I”ve done leading up to this moment, everywhere I”ve been, every single second…all of it has led me to you. Why won”t you allow yourself to be happy, ruehi?”
”Because I don”t deserve to!” Kalia yelled at him, the words slipping before she could swallow them back down. Her eyes burned again, the tears threatening to spill over. She hadn”t shed so many of them in nearly twenty years. ”Because, despite your curse, you remained a good fucking person. You— you help those aboard your ship to move past their guilt. To heal and grow and find new meaning in their lives. And what have I done? Used party tricks to gain an advantage over others, hidden magic that I knew would never trace back to me.”
Magic that betrayed him, lied to him, would be no help to him, and she was still a coward because she couldn”t tell him. She couldn”t bear to see the hurt that would undoubtedly etch into every line of his face when he realized that his curse was just that…and there was nothing he could have done to stop it. And she knew the whole time.
Kalia didn”t stop the tears that flowed, the heat of them like a salve for her broken soul. ”So take your fucking horse back, Rahmi. I can”t—I won”t—”
Silence sank like a rock in a river between them, filling every gap and every space. It promised to drag her down with it, and she hoped that it would drown her in the process.
But Rahmi stood before her, his panting breaths lifting his chest and shoulders. He didn”t speak, not as he reached forward to fold her fingers closed against the horse carving, not as he stepped forward to close the gap, and not as he wrapped his arm around her waist to tug her closer to him. He wiped away the tears on her cheeks and tucked her hair behind her ear with his other hand.
Finally, he kissed her cheeks, jaw, and lips. She closed her eyes, allowing his love to fill the cracks in her soul that had been torn open so long ago.
”You”re mine,” Rahmi said, pulling back just enough that he was only inches from her. Her eyes opened at the gruff command in his tone. ”Do you understand?”
”Yes,” Kalia whispered back. She lifted a hand to place it on his chest, feeling the thunderous beat of it against her palm. It hammered away at the cold exterior surrounding her, breaking through decades of pain and suffering to reveal the softness that still thrived beneath.
”You think you don”t deserve me, ruehi, but you broke me. You shattered me into a million pieces.” Rahmi”s confession left her breathless. ”And then you remade me into something even more than I could have imagined.”
Rahmi”s lips met hers, and for all Kalia knew, the rest of the ship faded into the background. He kissed her, tongue against tongue, as they unapologetically claimed one another. She pressed against him, and his responding growl only fueled her further.
They didn”t make it back to his private quarters. They barely even made it down the dimly lit hallway. Rahmi tugged her into a darkened room filled with empty crates and casks, his mouth devouring hers every step of the way. The kiss broke long enough for her dress to come over her head and for his tunic to land in a forgotten pile at their feet.
Then they were naked, and she was on the ground, her bare back flat against the wooden deck, and the dip of her hips cradled him. What had once been fiery and rough surrendered to tenderness. His fingers dipped between her thighs to feel her wetness before wrapping his hand around his cock to guide him to her. And his kiss deepened as he slid in.
Kalia moaned against his mouth at the fullness of him inside of her, at her erratically beating heart that was determined to chip away any iciness that remained there.
”I want to see you, ruehi,” Rahmi said as he broke away from her, pulling out nearly to the tip before thrusting back in. ”Let me see you.”
The only light in the storage berth streamed in from the hallway, but that didn”t stop her from finding the warmth of his gaze. Seeing the heat that lay there, heat that was only for her. She saw in the depths of them as he yielded to her and gifted her the control he so tightly clung to.
”You”re mine,” Kalia murmured as he thrust into her again, the motion careening them back against the floor. Once wrapped in fortified steel, the exterior of her shielded spirit broke free.
”Yes,” Rahmi replied hoarsely, the fourth thrust leisurely yet unrestrained. ”No man will ever have you again. Only me.”
”Only you.” Kalia threaded her arms around his neck, pulling him back to kiss him. Again and again, their tongues danced in a way that she wished would last forever.
Rahmi kept moving, and Kalia met him thrust for thrust. She opened that bridge to him, connecting their minds. And he let her. They both let all that stood within them lay there: life, a new beginning, lust, fire, passion, love, forgiveness—all of it that had hindered them, that had scarred them, that had stopped them. She allowed him to see it all, and he allowed her to feel it.
”Say it one more time,” Rahmi pleaded against her mouth, curling his hips to brush against her front wall. ”Please, gods, say it again.” He buried himself within her, a groan slipping from his chest.
”You”re mine,” Kalia said again, her back bowed off the floor. ”And I am yours.”
At her own words, at the feeling of him within her, her release cannoned through her. Rahmi clasped her nipple between his teeth, his tongue flicking around her as she clamped down on him. She moaned at the feeling— his body on her, inside of her, their minds bridged together. It didn”t matter that he was a cursed captain and she was a thief who worked at a bordello.
There was only him and her.
Rahmi roared as he came, echoing off the crates and casks around them. The sound was ethereal, and Kalia was determined to hear it again and again. He remained inside of her, neither of them wanting to end that connection, and he dipped his head to kiss her again.
He and her. Her and him.
The words were a mantra that she wanted to repeat forever. She tried to use them to erase everything that had happened, to use them as a foundation to build everything that was meant to come.
That fire sparked to life again as he thickened inside of her, and Kalia tightened her thighs around his hips to flip them around. She sank onto Rahmi”s considerable length as she straddled him, taking him deeply as he tipped his head back, his eyes closed in carnal glory. She snapped her hips down, moving faster and faster until they were a mess of sweat and release.
It could have been hours or days or months before they finally collapsed next to one another, their souls fused with a bond that Kalia knew couldn”t be broken.
”Stay with me,” Rahmi murmured as he turned to tuck her into his side. ”Not just tonight. But with me, when this is all over. On my ship, on the continent, wherever we decide to go. Promise to stay with me.”
”Yes,” Kalia replied, her response so quiet that she wasn”t sure he heard her. And she knew that it was a promise that she would move mountains, raze forests, cross oceans to keep.