Chapter twenty-six
Guy's Hospital, The City of London
Violet
Harrison’s hand is strong and stable on my back as he leads me to the underground parking lot.
Four men in suits with earpieces surround us as we walk.
A large black Range Rover sits waiting for us—it’s parked as close to the exit of the hospital as it can be to limit my need to walk—or our exposure. I’m unsure which.
As we reach the rear door, Harry opens it then offers me his hand to balance as I climb in.
My bump seems to get bigger by the day. It feels alien to have this extra weight in my middle, and occasionally, I lose balance.
The driver smiles kindly in the mirror. “Good afternoon, ma’am,” he says with a nod.
“Hello,” I reply as Harry climbs in the other side.
He takes my hand, and I pull it from his grasp.
He glances at me but doesn’t say anything.
I’m still not speaking to him for putting yet another roadblock in the way of us.
Part of me wonders if he wants it at all.
His little speech about me taking some time to think was cute but fucking annoying.
All I want to do is go back to his apartment and curl up on the sofa with him, watching terrible television to forget any of this shit happened.
I want to pretend that after we slept together months ago, we woke up the next morning and decided this was it for us.
That we were going to be together. But no, like a record stuck on repeat, he withdrew, and I ran.
“Mrs. D. has your room made up for you,” he says, startling me from my thoughts. “She asked whether you want to eat with her tonight or with me in my apartment?”
“I’ll eat where I live,” I reply sharply, then place my palms over my belly protectively. “Where we live.”
“Violet, this is only a short-term arrangement. Please see it as it’s meant to be.”
I turn to look at him. He’s pleading with me silently.
“How short is short-term? Is there a document I need to read to understand the parameters of the decision I need to make? If I decide to be with you, is there a cooling-off period?”
His face twists in annoyance. “Do I have to spend a set number of days in my holding apartment until you decide it’s all right for me to move upstairs?”
“We will know when the time is right.” He reaches for my hand on my stomach, but I shrug him away. “I love you, Violet.”
“You have a funny fucking way of showing it.”
Since our discussion in the hospital, I’ve stewed in my thoughts.
It’s only made me angrier. I’m bordering on furious with him at this point.
It’s like a carrot being dangled before a donkey—this is what you could have—only for it to be snatched away. I want the bloody carrot.
The remainder of the journey is made in silence until his phone rings, and he gets involved in a debate with a lot of legal jargon I don’t understand.
I sit and stare out of the window at the passing buildings.
People fill the pavement, rushing to get wherever they are going.
The familiar building comes into view, and our car drives around the back before coming to a stop at what looks like an industrial entrance.
We all sit until Harry finishes his call.
Without a word, he opens his door and steps out before coming around to open mine.
I take his hand as he offers it. He leads me to a heavy steel door, and behind it is the storeroom with the elevator that takes us straight up to the boardroom of The Level.
Mrs. D. is waiting for me along with Samantha.
As I step out into the room, they both run and wrap their arms around me.
Harrison stands behind us, not speaking.
He hovers but doesn’t interrupt as the women hold me and cry.
Once they let go, Mrs. D. takes my face in her hands and looks me straight in the eye.
“I’m overjoyed you’re back with us. I’m going to wrap you in cotton wool until this little angel is born.” Her eyes flick to my stomach, then move to the man behind me. “Is there anything you need Mr. Waite? Or am I all right to take Violet to my apartment and get her settled?”
“Focus on Violet,” he says. “But could you both give us a moment, please? I’ll bring Violet down to you.”
“Of course,” Samantha and Mrs. D. reply together then leave.
I move to the window and look out over the city.
He comes to stand behind me, placing his hands on either side of my waist then rests his chin on my shoulder.
He pulls me against him, and I feel him harden against my back.
“I do want you,” he whispers softly, then places a kiss on the side of my neck.
“More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.”
“You can have me,” I say back, hoping the honesty in my voice is obvious.
“When I was a boy, living in the whorehouse with my mother…”
I still, unsure where this conversation is headed.
He’s never spoken openly about his childhood or past to me.
Everything I know is through my brothers.
The three of them used to be so close, but from the little I saw of them together, I know this isn’t the case now.
“I never knew where my next meal was coming from. There was no guarantee we would eat. Children were a product of the job.”
“Harry, I…”
“Let me speak,” he scolds, but his fingers flex on my hips in reassurance.
“I was an inconsequential item which was discarded as soon as my mother died. Throughout my time there, I was treated as such. On the days we weren’t fed, the hunger was all-consuming. It was an obsession. More than once I was punished for stealing from the kitchen.”
He chuckles. “That need and determination helped me become what I am today.”
“You were always special to me,” I tell him. “Mesmerizing even.” His grip tightens possessively. I submit, allowing him to pull me to him further.
“My hunger is back, Violet. And it’s you I’m ravenous for.”
He trails one hand from my collarbone down my body, resting it back on my waist.
“Don’t take my reluctance to move you in as a negative. Don’t convince yourself that somehow I don’t want you. This is me being sensible. This is me giving us the best chance I can.”
His lips touch the side of my neck as his arms wrap around my expanding middle.
My body relaxes in his embrace, and my heart slows as I calm.
He always could make me feel safe, both as a sixteen-year-old girl when my brother tormented me and as a young woman having her first sexual encounter.
Now, in my early thirties, pregnant and at a crossroads, he’s managed it again.
He’s got me, all of me. I turn in his arms and look up at him. He rewards me with a gorgeous smile.
“We’ve been apart for fourteen years and never truly been together. You are undertaking one of the most important journeys you can in becoming a mother. Life has changed unrecognizably for you in a matter of months.” He stops speaking and his eyes search mine.
“What is it?”
He gives me a look that tells me he is unsure whether to say what he is thinking.
“I can’t be your rebound.” The statement sits between us.
“I’m not a stupid man. I know you loved Aiden. It makes my blood boil what he did to you. I know you will grieve for what you had, whether it was real or not. He was who you saw your future with. It is him that fathered your child. This child.”
Unsure how to respond, I lay my head against his chest and tighten my hold around his waist.
“When I heard you left for Chicago from Glasgow after quitting school, then discovered why, I was furious. In my mind, you and I would always come back together, though I admit to never making the effort to do so. We were both so young, I always thought there was time,
and perhaps when we were older it would be possible. Then I found out you fell in love with someone else. The knowledge broke me. I broke myself.”
He leans his chin on the top of my head as I listen.
“Love became something I didn’t want or need.
Relying on someone else was out of the question.
I threw myself into work and life being one of the boys alongside your brothers, while trying to surpass my own ridiculous expectations.
There has never been anyone else who made me feel like you do from a single look.
Over the years, I’ve never had a relationship the way you have. I’ve never been with someone who I truly saw a future with. Now, I do. That’s why I’m being cautious with us, because ‘us’ is so precious. I’m terrified we will break.”
“We love each other, Harry. Committing to anyone or anything is always a risk,” I say quietly into his chest.
“I’ve known since I was a teenager you were my boy. Even when I was in Chicago, planning a future with Aiden, I would think of you and wonder if you’d found what you were looking for, and why I’d fallen short for you.”
His hands lift to my shoulders. He pushes me back slightly and my eyes flick upward to him.
“You have never fallen short for me.” He drops to a knee in front of me, taking me by surprise.
“If I ever have made you feel that way, please forgive me. It was never my intention. I ran because I was scared, and you were all-consuming. It frightened me. And now we have this little one to consider too,” he says.
Still on his knee, he takes my hands and kisses my belly.
“I may not be your child’s biological father, but if you choose me, I promise to be the best daddy I can be to them.”
“I’ve already chosen you,” I tell him. “No amount of time apart will change that. I understand your concerns and why you want us to happen this way.”
I pull at his hands, encouraging him to stand.
“But, know this—you are not a rebound. Aiden was my rebound. He appeared in my life when I was nursing a broken heart because of us. You have always been the one I wanted. Deep down, I’ve known it all along. My stupidity backed me into a corner and kept me in Chicago. My pride too.
Refusing to see what was obvious in front of me.”
I reach up and run my fingers across the back of his neck. He closes his eyes.
“Kiss me,” I whisper. “Be the last and only man I kiss from this day forward because I’m telling you now, this is it for me. You are everything I’ll ever need. There will only ever be you.”
He takes my hand and guides me to the long glass table, then turns me to face him.
His hands move to my backside and lift me gently onto the cool surface.
I wrap my legs around his middle as he stands between them, my swollen belly pressing against his toned abs.
He kisses me, tenderly at first, exploring my mouth gently.
With my arms around his neck and his surrounding me, I enjoy the sensation of being enveloped by him.
Wrapped in him. I feel the tears on my cheeks before I’m aware they appeared.
“Don’t cry,” he says quietly against my lips. “I’ve got you.” After a few more scattered kisses, he lifts me down. “I better take to you Mrs. D.’s or she will be sending out a search party.” I giggle, and he smiles before taking my hand once more, leading me to my new temporary home.
A short ride in the elevator brings us to the twenty-fifth floor.
Security guards are stationed in the lobby.
Harry nods to the man then takes me to the apartment.
He knocks on the door firmly, and it immediately swings open.
“I thought you’d got lost,” Samantha says, looking between us.
“Were you both getting reacquainted?” she sniggers, then waggles her eyebrows.
“None of your bloody business,” Harry mumbles.
“It’s okay,” she replies with a cheeky smile. “Violet will give me a blow-by-blow account later. Nothing is sacred when it comes to us girls.”
“You will be dreadfully disappointed,” he tells her. “And yes, I’ve learned already that discretion is not your strongest point.” She sticks her tongue out at him, and his eyes pop wide. “You’re a pain in the ass,” he tells her. “Why the hell are you still here?”
“I’m Violet’s wing-woman,” she answers without missing a beat. “And without me, you’d have been one step behind. I’m here to stay, so get used to it. I’ve always got my girl’s back.”
Before he can respond, Mrs. D. appears in front of us with her token apron and tray of goodies—freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies this time.
She passes them around as we stand in the hallway.
“Your room is down here,” she says. Harry holds my hand firmly as we walk.
She pushes open the door when we arrive at it, and he leads me in.
It’s a simple double bedroom, all white linen and voile. Understated. Simple. Clean.
“It’s beautiful,” I say, “and thank you for having me.”
“You are welcome as long as you want or need to be here.” Her shrewd eyes move between Harry and me. “I’ll leave you to get settled. Dinner will be at six. The men already dropped your case here. It’s by the window.”
She leaves, and Harry walks over, picks up my case, then places it on the bed.
I open it and start to put my meager belongings away.
A few summer dresses, a pair of jeans, two thin-strapped tops, and my hoodie.
It’s not much, only what Connor seemingly managed to get via my mother, but it’s something.
“I meant to ask you,” I say, and Harry looks at me. “The nurse at the maternity clinic. How did you know her?”
“I didn’t, but we got lucky. Her brother is a recent client that I got acquitted. He is also owed a large amount of money by Aiden. It’s a small world, so he was happy to help when I spoke to him.”
“Everything and everyone do seem to be interconnected,” I muse. “So many pieces of the puzzle fit together but don’t.”
“More than you could imagine, but I don’t want you to worry about that. You’re here and safe in this apartment. Promise me you will rest. Promise me you will put yourself and this little person here first.”
He touches my stomach again; it seems to be a common theme.
The baby kicks, and he pulls his hand away.
I laugh, and he smiles nervously, then places his hand back where it was. I put mine over his.
We stand together like that as my baby moves within me. Both of us feel it. I know we do. The new life within me and the new life starting between us. The three of us. Hope for the future blooms tentatively. Today feels as though we are finally following the correct map to where we need to be.