Chapter Sixteen #2
The oxen ambled forward, and still, no disaster occurred.
Despite that, Grace could not forget that she was driving a heavy wagon hauled by two massive and potentially dangerous animals.
She was doing fine, but this stretch of ground was relatively flat and safe.
She balked at the thought of guiding the animals over the much rougher terrain that comprised most of the trail.
“No,” Ethan said. “I am not going to flee. You do need to pull this rein a little, though. Be steady.”
He squeezed her right hand with his and guided her to tug gently. She watched, fascinated, as the oxen turned the way she had indicated, slowly but steadily.
“See? Just like a horse,” he said. “I assume you’ve managed one of those before. A highborn lady like you must know how to handle a horse.”
Grace’s lips twitched in amusement. Ethan sounded like he had no idea what ladies like her actually did. For once, his assumption struck her as amusing rather than insulting. Maybe it was because she now knew he wasn’t trying to be judgmental.
“Yes, I do in fact know how to handle a horse.”
Her father had actually been the one to teach her to ride.
Grace swallowed down the lump in her throat, her heart hammering against her ribcage as she recalled the way he had guided her, a warm, steady presence that had set her at ease.
She had that same sensation sitting beside Ethan, but of course she knew she did not love him.
Not in a familial way, and certainly not in any other way.
No, nothing even close to that, despite the sensation of butterflies in her chest. The two of them were barely friends. It was only that her accursed body and mind were warring against one another, thinking of pleasant evening rides in Lexington.
Maybe, she could admit, a tiny piece of her still wanted a man to love her, even after everything she had been through with Charles.
She didn’t need one, not exactly. After all, she was managing just fine with only Emily and her father.
She couldn’t help but think, though, wouldn’t it be…
nice? Wouldn’t she like to have someone to share moments like those pleasant evening rides with?
“You’re doing well,” Ethan said, leaning back now. Her shoulder felt colder without him pressed against her side.
Grace’s body seemed somehow more alive than it had felt in a long time. Her nerves were all flustered and fluttering inside her like a flock of songbirds flitting about in a magnolia tree. Whether it was his touch or his praise that inspired such feelings, she didn’t know.
“How far are we going to go?” she asked as they continued to trundle along. “I don’t want to tire the animals.”
Grace didn’t really think she’d tire them. Mostly, she wasn’t sure what else to say. Her fear of the oxen breaking free and dragging the wagon along fought against her joy of having such a pleasant time with Ethan. She wanted to know how long she could sit beside him and bask in his praise.
“You aren’t going to tire them, Grace,” he said gently. “They’re very resilient animals, and can travel for hours.”
Grace relaxed a little. Ethan had turned out to be right, which stung less to admit than it might once have. She had imagined this whole ordeal to be much worse than it was. Grace might now be brave enough to even say she was enjoying it.
“I am coming for your title,” she said, acting on that brazenness, “as the best wagon-driver on the entire trail.”
He laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners from his mirth. “I didn’t say you were doing that well.”
“Oh, have I injured your pride?”
Ethan chuckled. “It will take more than that to do so.”
“Men always say their pride is not easily wounded,” Grace said, “but I have found that those men especially are the ones who are most easily intimidated, especially by competent women.”
“If that is true, I am delighted to be the exception to your rule,” Ethan said. “I appreciate a capable woman, and you are nothing if not capable.”
His words sent the butterflies fluttering again. “Truly? You actually believe that?” Grace was no stranger to the way men would pretend to agree with something just to flatter a woman and get into her good graces.
“I do,” he said. “I wouldn’t say so otherwise. You clearly didn’t grow up in this kind of life, but you’ve done well enough since coming out here. You’ve learned to cook. You’re learning to drive a wagon. You’ve kept yourself and your sister safe.”
“Not without help,” she admitted.
“Everyone needs help sometimes.” Ethan wrapped his fingers over hers again, and Grace suddenly became aware of how much larger his hand was than her own. “There’s no shame in accepting some once in a while.”
The oxen turned again, returning back the way they had come. Hannah was waiting for them where they’d left her, a bright smile on her face. Grace knew enough to bring the oxen to a steady stop right before Ethan’s sister without him instructing her to.
“There,” Ethan said. “I think that’s enough of a lesson for one day. Still afraid?”
She climbed down from the wagon and gave the oxen a quick glance. “A little,” she admitted.
“Fair enough.”
He remained in the driver’s seat. For a beat, they simply looked at one another. The air seemed charged with something Grace couldn’t quite put into words. It was like the world was holding its breath, waiting on some coming storm. At last, Ethan cleared his throat and looked away.
“Well, I should get back to work.”
“Yes,” Grace said. “I should as well.”
She turned away from him and set off for her wagon without any real idea of what she actually should be doing. Her face burned, and she clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. Every part of Grace was strangely, wonderfully awake and energized in a way she hadn’t been for years.
The smallest, most cautious part of her was worried about what being so flustered might mean, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.