Chapter 06
Iloved summer rain as a kid. There was no better feeling than running around the garden, wet grass under my bare feet, fat drops of rain coming down on me, soaking me, hugging me in a warm embrace.
My biggest joy was jumping into puddles—no rubber boots necessary, just mud squelching between my toes.
One day, however, I completely misjudged.
The puddle wasn’t wide, and the edges looked shallow.
I got a running start, then jumped with both feet—and screamed when I didn’t just sink in to the ankles but went in over my knees.
My mom quickly grabbed the straps of my overalls and pulled me out, laughing.
I remember how my mud-crusted legs stained her pretty summer dress when she put me onto her hip.
She didn’t care, reminding me that clothes could always be washed.
That day, she taught me always to test the waters first—and that the stillest surfaces might hide the greatest depth.
I feel like that right now. Like I misjudged Linden because of his quiet exterior. Who would have thought my kind roommate, the one who avoided parties like the plague and never brought someone home, would offer to become my personal gay sex trainer?
“Oh God, this summer is not what I expected it to be.” I laugh, nerves tingling in my stomach. This. This feels wild, even to me.
“As I said, it’s just an option. You don’t have to take me up on it,” Linden quickly reassures me as I fold my hands over the top of my snapback.
“No, no, I know. I just…didn’t expect this from you of all people.”
“Wow, thanks, I guess. Is that how you always accept help?”
I cringe at his dry comment, realizing how that came out wrong. “Sorry,” I groan as I sink back into the seat of his truck. We’re still sitting in the driveway, neither of us making a move to get out and unload the groceries.
“I just mean…well. You never struck me as the type who’d…be in an open arrangement? Relationship? I don’t know; what sort of dynamic am I entering into here? I don’t want to risk a jealous boyfriend kicking down our front door.”
“Colin and I are dating,” Linden clarifies, arms crossing over his chest. “But, as I said, we’re open. We talked about this before he left for summer break and agreed that we wanted to make the most of our time apart. We’re looking to have some fun before we commit to a serious relationship.”
He says this so lightly, I wonder if I know my roommate at all. But before I can say anything, he reaches out to pat my knee.
“Also, don’t worry, you’re not my type.”
“Ouch.” I laugh because that kind of stings in an unexpected way. “So you just offered to fuck me out of the goodness of your heart? Does this mean I’ll have to wear a paper bag to cover my ugly face?”
“Shut up, Micah, you know you're gorgeous.” Linden rolls his eyes, and I can’t help a small grin. My self-esteem is halfway restored.
“Okay, so why ain’t I your type then?”
“Because,” Linden starts, leaning in and fixing me with a serious look out of gray eyes. I’ve never noticed them before, but they feel intense now, like a storm brewing in the sky.
“A pretty face isn’t everything. For one, I don’t do footballers—especially not those planning to go pro. And I also don’t do straight guys because that would be stupid.”
“Okay, fair point—I wouldn’t want to date a pro athlete or a straight guy, either,” I have to admit.
“See? No reason for Colin to get jealous because he knows my type.”
Now I’m kind of curious about this Colin guy.
He doesn’t sound like a fellow athlete. I’m guessing he’s an English major.
Or a theater kid? Maybe art history. Definitely a student from St. Bernard’s.
Someone who reads his own poems out loud while Linden puts his head in his lap before they fuck in a field of wildflowers.
I’m pretty sure he wears linen pants, too.
“Okay. So what’s in it for you then?” I ask. If Linden’s all set with his linen-wearing poet, why would he make an offer like that to me? Even with an open arrangement, he just named two pretty good reasons to disqualify me. And that didn’t even take into account my lack of experience.
“As I said, there are a few things I still want to try out. I…well, it’s hard for me to form a genuine connection with a stranger, and I have a lot going on right now,” he admits, a flush crawling up his neck.
“We already know each other—I know you’re not an asshole.
On top of that, you’re straight. Bi-curious max, but let’s be honest, with you going pro next year, a gay relationship won’t be in the cards for you.
And I’m basically…taken. So we both know that nothing will come out of this.
It’s just some harmless fun over the summer. Win-win for both of us!”
I have to laugh, even though it makes perfect sense. “So I’m what, nothing more than a convenient choice?”
Linden grins, even when his cheeks redden a little. “Aw, poor baby, is being convenient a first-time experience for you?”
“Ugh, okay, first of all, if we’re doing that, you can’t call me baby.” I’m only half joking, yet Linden throws his head back, laughing. It sounds a bit too high, like he isn’t as cool as he pretended to be.
“Fine, big boy, I’ll try and come up with a super manly pet name. How about ogre?”
My jaw drops, and I give him a light shove across the console. “Damn, sweetheart, I didn’t know you had all that sass in you.”
Linden shrugs, then winks at me. For a moment, I take him in, my eyes trailing over his light hair and soft features.
He has fair skin that flushes easily in the summer heat and high cheekbones that give him an exquisite look—like he’s about to walk at New York Fashion Week.
From the way he hides his body underneath all these oversized shirts, though, I don’t think he knows it.
Now, could I imagine getting into bed with him?
I try to picture how it would feel to run my hands along his sides or lean forward and kiss him.
His lips look pink and soft. No fillers, obviously, and no sticky lip gloss, which also means no strawberry taste, but other than that, kissing should be the same as it is with women, right?
With the added scratch of a light stubble, maybe.
“As I said, you don’t need to decide today,” Linden says, head tilted, as if he’s caught on to my thoughts. “There’s still time until the end of summer. When are you planning to get together?”
“September 7th,” I answer without hesitation. The date has burnt itself into my mind.
“September 7th,” Linden repeats, nodding slowly. “Lots of time to train until then.”
And that’s the point, isn’t it? I wouldn’t go into a big game without training for it, so why the hell shouldn’t I do the same with this?
Especially since it’s important to me. And it wouldn’t be fair to Mike either.
My interest in him might not be genuine, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a terrible experience for either of us.
“I’ll do it!” I blurt out before I can think this over again. “I mean, I want to take you up on your offer. Teach me everything there is to know about gay sex!”
“Everything, huh?” Linden laughs, and his voice takes on that high note again, the words coming out breathless. I can only imagine this isn’t a daily thing for him either, so I try to give him my most charming grin.
“Yup. I promise to study hard and be a good student. When do lessons start? Tonight?”
“No! Are you crazy?!” Linden bursts out, and I blink in surprise at so much vehemence.
“Uhm, okay? Do you already have plans for tonight, or…?”
“No!” he says again, then lets his head sink against the backrest with a sigh. “It’s just…let’s not get ahead of ourselves, alright? I’d prefer it if the others weren’t around for this. They don’t have to know what’s going on.”
“Ah,” I hum, because yes, I’d prefer that, too. The Nook tends to turn personal business into everyone’s business. It can be nice but also frustrating. I don’t need all of them to weigh in on this and make things awkward, especially not with a new roommate about to move in.
“But that could take forever!”
“Eager much?” Linden raises his blond brows.
“More like I want to get started before I think of all the reasons why this would be a bad idea,” I admit. “I’m kinda scared to lose my bravery, you know?”
Linden snorts, then reaches out to squeeze my hand. His is small compared to mine, with delicate fingers, but also rough calluses on his palm. “Nerves are okay, but if you feel like you have to force yourself, we’re stopping this whole thing. It’s not worth it then,” he says.
I nod, even though this makes me feel like an insecure teenager.
“Good, so let’s get those bags and start on dinner,” he concludes, already drawing back when I grab his wrist.
“Wait! I…should probably tell you something I left out the other day. But you can’t tell anyone else about this!”
“Way to sound ominous. What didn’t you tell me?
Is it a full-blown orgy instead of a threesome?
The whole football team involved?” Linden laughs but turns serious the moment our eyes meet.
I like how he holds the contact, not blinking away like most people do when they’re met with my mismatched irises.
“I promise not to tell anyone,” he assures me, squeezing my hand again. “Now, what’s it?”
I inhale deeply, then release my breath again. This isn’t just my secret, so I feel bad giving it up. But Sasha was right. I should lay my cards on the table—and if I can’t do it with Mike, I should at least try it with Linden.
“I…have less experience than I let on. Like…Seb and I haven’t done anything together.”
For a moment, Linden doesn’t say anything, his eyebrows knitting together. “I know. You already said so.”
“No. I mean…we haven’t done anything anything.
Like…none of these threesomes ever happened.
It’s just…a rumor. I’ve been with all the girls involved, yes, but Seb wasn’t in it,” I clarify.
Somehow, I feel even more stupid now that it’s out in the open.
It sounds like a total douchebag thing to do—something you’d expect from a stereotypical jock in a teen movie.
“But I saw you three at the party! I mean, it looked like Davenport was happily participating,” Linden points out, and I cringe. Ah, yes, he still hasn’t forgotten.
“Yeah…let’s say he usually opts out at a certain point,” I try to explain without giving away too much. “I just thought you should know the whole truth before we…do stuff together.”
“Already lowering my expectations, huh?” he snorts, then shakes his head. “I just don’t understand why you’d do this. Cultivate this rumor, I mean. If people think you’re sleeping together, isn’t that like…bad for you guys?”
I draw up my shoulders in defense, unsure of how to respond. It’s a valid question, but this also isn’t my story to tell, and I know my best friend wouldn’t want others to know about it. But I have to give Linden some part of the truth if we’re about to do this.
“Seb is under a lot of pressure. I…it’s none of my business, but with his family…
he sometimes feels like he has to portray a certain image, you know?
The first time, it kinda happened. We didn’t plan it!
But over time, it got out of hand. I think a few of the girls talked the events up to their friends, and the story took off from there. ”
Linden hums, scratching his jawline as he tries to follow my argument. “Mhm, getting not only the pretty tight end but also his broody quarterback friend into bed became a status symbol, huh?”
I cringe at his words.
“Please don’t make my life sound like some cheesy rom-com,” I groan, but he laughs, finally drawing his hand back and patting my knee. “Don’t worry, you managed that on your own. But I appreciate your honesty, Micah.”
I give him a small nod, still unsure if I did the right thing.
But when I reach for the door handle and get out of his truck, I somehow feel lighter.
Linden is already busy with unloading our groceries when I reach for my cell phone.
Two missed calls from my dad and a long text message with a lot of emojis—I swipe the notifications away, instead pulling up the conversation with Mia.
Count me in