Chapter 10
Isink into the couch, tucking one leg under me and pulling the other up to hug against my chest. It's much more comfortable than sitting at the kitchen table—though my discomfort largely stemmed from having to lay everything out for Micah, from Colin's ultimatum to my fruitless attempts on the apps, right up to my plan blossoming when he told us about his own trouble with Mia.
According to what everyone says, talking about my problems should have made me feel better, but I’m queasy with worry that Micah's going to hate me.
“Let me see if I got this right,” Micah mutters. He’s pacing up and down in front of the couch. “You matched with this Colin guy online, and you two hit it off. You meet him for a first date, but he figures out you’re a virgin and doesn’t like it.”
I nod and watch Micah walk along the window to my left.
“And when I told you about Mia’s idea”—Micah turns around to march back—“you thought ‘hey, why not just lie about my experience and see if my roommate is down to fuck’.”
I cringe, drawing up my shoulders. It does sound like an asshole move when he says it like that.
“I mean, what the hell? That’s fucked up! Why would you even do that for anyone? Didn’t you ever get the peer pressure talk?”
I huff out a noise that’s half indignant and half amused. “Uhm, pot, kettle? I mean, I don’t get a meeting with someone important out of it, but it’s not that different from what you planned to do? With your athlete guy?”
Micah stops his pacing to look at me, mouth opening.
I meet his gaze head-on.
Huffing softly, he closes his mouth again and drops onto the other end of the couch. He stretches his long legs out, his arms reaching up to cross behind his head. His chest expands as he takes a deep breath.
“Okay, fair.” Turning his head, he looks at me again. It’s harder to keep eye contact like this because his bulging bicep is half in the way.
“But why did you lie to me?”
“I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t know what else to do,” I groan, resting my forehead against the knee I’ve drawn up against my chest. “I tried getting all that experience, I swear! But I either got stood up, or guys just sent dick pics, and I’m running out of time, because Colin’s coming back in August and—”
“Why’s it so important to do this now?” Micah interrupts my tirade.
“I just said: Colin’s—”
“Forget about him for a second.” Micah frowns, studying me closely. “If it weren’t for him, would you even want to do this? Have sex, I mean?”
“Yes.” My answer is instant. But I don’t feel any less sure about it, even when Micah’s brows shoot all the way up to that bright orange cap he’s been twisting back and forth all evening. It’s backward right now, a couple of dark strands peeking out from under it.
“Oookay, that…okay?”
I snort. Apparently, he’s not convinced.
“Look.” I uncurl my legs and turn to face him.
“I want to do this. I thought I’d already have this behind me.
In fact, I thought I was going to have a way different college experience, but then…
” I sigh, rubbing my neck with one hand.
Am I really complaining about my boring life to my football-captain roommate?
“My dad had an accident.” I swallow down the gruesome details.
There’d been a lot of flooding while I was away for my second year at B-Tech.
He and some farmhands were pulling cows and their calves out of a mudbank when one of the tractors lost grip.
It rolled right over my father. I still remember the way my mother’s voice trembled on the phone from the hospital.
My dad broke twenty-eight bones that day.
Most in his right arm and leg, but his jaw too, and three ribs.
The doctors called it a miracle that there were no internal injuries.
“I had to go back to help out with the business. My parents have a cherry orchard and a dairy farm,” I continue, unsure how much Micah knows about my family situation.
“He’s okay now, but I missed almost all of my sophomore year, and I don’t mean just classes.
” I don’t want to sound like I’m fishing for pity, but the whole situation sucked.
Not just for my father, whose recovery was a long process, but also for us as a family.
“After that, I felt like I lost all the connections I made here. Which were already hard to build because I had never had any practice. I was a weirdo in high school, so making any experiences like that was out the window then and now…” I shrug helplessly.
My ears burn, my throat tightening. I purposefully turn my head away to look out the window.
It’s getting dark, the fuzzy orange lights of the streetlamps adding to the heat that still lingers everywhere.
I take a deep breath and continue, talking more slowly now.
“All this has just…been building up with everyone I dated before. Nicko, Colin… Everyone is making it into such a big thing that I can’t even have a proper first date, because it gets weird as soon as I tell them I’m a virgin, and I’m really fucking sick of it.
Hell, I don’t even care that much about having a special first time!
” I risk a glance over at Micah. “That’s why I want to get it over with.
And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make it awkward.”
“I’m sorry, I know this is all very sensitive,” Micah says after a few moments. “But did I get this right: You went out with Nicko?!” He looks so perplexed that I laugh out loud.
“Uhm, yeah? It’s how we met. But we realized that we were looking for very different things.”
“You really weren’t kidding when you said I wasn’t your type,” Micah continues, making me snort again.
It’s ridiculous that he bought that when clearly he’s everyone’s type: tall, muscular, with captivating eyes and full lips—just all-around gorgeous, really. And on top of it all, he's an amazing cook and, as I've very recently learned, also a great kisser.
“Sorry, but yeah?” It’s easier to hold on to the lie with both hands than to admit that when Micah first moved in, I could barely be around him.
Especially when he took over the kitchen—standing at the stove, always Marisol’s stupid pink apron over a tank top, showing off his arms and that broad back.
At least it means he never caught me staring.
“Ouch again.”
I snicker and reach out to playfully punch his arm. We’ve both relaxed into the couch rather than keeping our careful distance. The quiet that settles between us feels lighter.
“But I was totally looking forward to having this secret once you’re a big NFL star,” I tease, hoping he’ll take the olive branch.
“Ah, I knew it. You’re just another cleat chaser.” He sighs dramatically, making me grin again. I’m glad we could settle this amicably, though when he leans back into the couch, I wait a beat before looking at him.
“I didn’t just do this because you were a convenient opportunity for me.
I feel safe with you,” I admit carefully.
“I haven’t even told Nicko that I was going along with Colin’s suggestion because I know exactly what he’d say about it.
And I wanted to keep it between us,” I hurry to add, not wanting to make it seem like I was bursting at the seams to add to the Nook’s gossip.
“Yeah, I haven’t told anyone either,” Micah says, reaching up to turn his cap again so he can rest his head against the back of the couch. The shield throws a shadow over his face, but his eyes sparkle from under it.
I hold the contact for a while, then look away before I get too tempted to stare at the subtle arches of his lips.
Together, we watch the world outside get darker and darker. The night slowly seeps in through the window, but we're both too comfortable to get up and turn on the light.
“What would you have done? If I hadn't stopped you earlier?” Micah’s question surprises me since I thought we had put the whole matter to rest. I was preparing myself to brave the dick pics again or maybe just tell Colin to pop my cherry himself.
“Promise not to laugh?”
Micah raises his left hand and places his right over his heart. “Cross my heart.”
“Okay, so.” I clear my throat. “I've been reading this book.”
To his credit, Micah doesn’t make a peep, so I continue.
“And it really gave me a lot of ideas. Everyone always makes sex sound so straightforward, in and out and done, but in the book, it’s described in a lot of detail!
” Embarrassment creeps up my neck, but I don’t let it deter me.
“And that’s…well, that’s what I was hoping I could copy.
Kinda like a playbook? But I understand if you no longer want to. ”
Micah sighs, raising a hand as if to run it through his hair, knocking the cap off, and only just catching it with his other hand. He plops it down on the couch.
I let him make up his mind, trying not to fidget while I wait.
“Alright, but!” Micah raises a finger as well as both his eyebrows. “We’re going to have to lay down some serious ground rules. Like, tell each other what’s okay and what isn’t. Maybe also establish a…a safe word? So we know when to stop?”
I nod, a huge stone lifting off my chest, though it promptly gets stuck in my throat. There’s one more thing I should clear up while we’re at it.
“Okay, I’m totally on board, so…one uh…boundary: there won’t be,” I stutter, but there’s no way around the word, “any penetration. Like…I promised Colin that I would keep my first time bottoming for him. But I’m more than happy to…if…if you want to try that?”
Micah blinks a few times, but in the end just nods. “There’s more than enough for us to explore, I’m sure.” He grins, then looks around at the books stacked on the table. “Besides, I guess I’m going to have to get some reading done?”
I gape at him. “You want to read Keeping Noah?”
“Obviously? I have to know what those guys are all about after all. You can start making a list, and I’ll make my own.” He holds out a hand for me to shake.
I bite my tongue. I hadn’t expected him to actually want to read that book, but I nod and unfold my arm so we can seal this new deal.
“Okay, and…if we don’t like something,” I reiterate, mentally going through the plan and how it all falls into place. “We’ll use a safe word.”
“Exactly.” Micah nods, looking pleased with himself as well.
“Good. What…like what? Just stop?”
“Ah…I haven’t thought about that.”
I snort, shaking my head, but it feels good not to be the only one who seems out of his depth with all this. “I guess it should be something that’ll make it clear it’s crossing a line. Like foul or…” I wrinkle my nose. “No, not that severe, but—”
“Red card?” Micah throws in, snickering when I swat at him.
“No. Maybe…maybe offside?”
Micah laughs all the way upstairs, where I give him the book.
Instead of letting go as he grabs for it, I hold on, then stretch up to give him a quick peck on his lips—a promise of what’s to come.