Chapter 18
We’re leaving the familiar and illuminated streets of Bonham behind with only a few delays. Even at night, the city streets are busy, and we have to wait at a few traffic lights, where smaller crowds gather to head to clubs or the lakeside restaurants.
I breathe a sigh of relief when, finally, the road opens up to us, dark and seemingly endless.
Three hours isn’t a lot considering some students have to travel across the whole country to see their family, but I never enjoyed driving in unfamiliar surroundings, especially at night.
The chance of surprising one of the nocturnal animals, such as raccoons, foxes, or even cats, is much higher, and my heart bleeds every time I see one that didn’t survive its encounter with a car.
“I take it your coach wasn’t thrilled?” I say, interrupting the quiet. We’ve been driving in amicable silence, the radio playing Micah's selection of country music with the odd pop song peppered in here and there.
“Hm? Oh, well…” Micah must have been lost in his own thoughts, looking at the silently passing darkness outside the car windows.
“Yeah, but now he's got a couple of weeks to calm down again.” He grins at me, but by the time I dare to take my eyes off the road, he's already looking away again, making me doubt the lightness of his words.
“I hope it'll be okay,” I mutter quietly, the sentiment not just directed at Micah's relationship with his coach and the football team.
Over the past few days, everything happened so fast that I barely had time to wrap my head around how it'll actually be to have him meet my parents.
Granted, aside from Nicko, I've told Micah more than anyone else, but there's also the teeny tiny detail of us sleeping together that makes everything more complicated.
Not that I plan to tell my parents about it, but they are still my parents.
I've never brought someone home before. I already dread my mother's inquisitive glances and my father's blunt questions.
Which is so much easier to worry about than the actual reason that has me clutching the steering wheel tightly.
Because I cannot risk Micah making even the smallest offhand remark about my life at college, and thereby tip my parents off that I've abandoned the plan.
That I've stopped considering coming back after I've finished my BA and will instead move on to continue down the path of yet more studying in order to become a veterinarian.
I swallow but don't manage to dislodge the bitter thoughts from the back of my throat, so I carefully pry one hand away from the steering wheel to tap Micah's shoulder.
His smile lingers only in my peripheral vision, but the soft dips in his cheeks make my insides flutter with both warmth and my guilty conscience.
With my free hand, I mimic taking a drink since I don't trust my voice.
“Oh yeah, here!” He pulls the tiny cooler into his lap and hands me a can of Pepsi.
I raise my brows until Micah huffs and takes it back to open the tab. The crack, followed by the soft hiss of the fizzy drink, makes my throat itch, and I eagerly grab the can.
I should pace myself, but I can't resist and tip my head back to eagerly gulp the whole can down, then try to catch every last drop of the sticky sweetness.
Next to me, Micah makes a noise, causing me to quickly lower the can so I can have my full attention on the road. When nothing is out of the ordinary, I look over at him questioningly.
“Nothing, you just really reminded me of what we already explored.” Micah's voice is rough and thick. From this close, it slides down my back like warm honey, exactly the way he made me feel at the beach.
Micah's hand reaches for my knee, his fingers traveling to the inside of my thigh, then trailing upward—
The entire truck jumps. Its tires hobble over the bumpy markings on the side of the road. I hiss and swerve back into my lane.
“Holy shit, I—sorry! Sorry.” My heart hammers wildly in my chest, and I quickly glance at Micah.
He's still holding onto my leg, squeezing carefully—and much lower than where his fingers were a moment ago. His hand only disappears once my breathing has returned to normal.
“Nothing happened,” he says quietly, projecting a certainty into his voice that doesn't quite cover the way his words tremble in the air.
I take the next exit to a small rest stop and park as far away from everyone else as possible.
“We need to talk,” I say into the sudden silence after I've killed the engine. My hands have returned to the steering wheel anyway, searching for something to hold on to. I also keep looking out through the windshield.
In my peripheral vision, I see Micah raise both his hands.
“You…you know I was joking, right? Of course we don't…I know that that's dangerous. I didn't mean—”
“No, I know,” I interrupt. I even manage to pry one of my hands free to tentatively place it on his leg in return. It feels awkward as hell, but I don't know what else to do.
I cannot keep driving like this, when every mile that brings us closer to my parents curls like a vice around my chest. If we arrive at the farm and I behave like this, my parents will instantly know something is wrong—and convincing them Micah isn’t my boyfriend will be the least of my worries then.
“I…there's something else you need to know before we get to...” I nod off into the darkness that still lies ahead of us.
Micah opens his mouth, but then bites his lip.
I'm grateful he doesn't make any guesses and lets me take my time.
“My…my parents don't know,” I start, holding up a hand before he can voice the obvious guess—which would be wrong.
Everyone in my family knows I'm gay. This is a much worse secret than that.
“They think I'm still doing an agricultural major. I never told them that I switched and plan to become a vet.”
Micah blinks a few times, having obviously expected something very different. He raises his hands higher, pulling off his cap with one and raking through his hair with the other.
“Oof, that…okay?”
I stay quiet, trying to figure out whether I'm relieved or even more worried now. It's my most guarded secret, and as always with secrets, the more people know, the harder it is to keep.
“And…and you didn't want to tell your parents because…?”
I huff out a bitter laugh. My stomach turns over, and I suddenly wish I hadn't drunk all of the Pepsi.
“My dad always wanted me to take over the farm.
Especially now that all my sisters are married.
And after his accident, he wouldn't stop mentioning it.
I mean—he's not even sixty yet and talking like he's days from keeling over!” It bursts out of me; I wish I could stop.
Micah doesn't deserve having to carry all of my burdens on top of his own.
Especially because he must have expected a light-hearted summer fling, and instead he got me. Neurotic, secret-keeping me.
“They already didn't think I'd need a degree.
I mean, not like I'd have to apply for the job, but I needed—I wanted to get away so badly and the classes were just so boring and-and then I just…
switched and never told them because I could just hear what they were going to say, but I also needed the money and now I'm so close, I only need to make this semester and then I can work part time while doing the MCATS and then apply to a vet school and—”
Micah is once again reaching for me, though this time he's pulling my hands away from the steering wheel.
I hadn't even noticed I was gripping it tightly enough that my fingers ache. I slowly wrap them around Micah’s instead of the wheel.
His hands are warm under my palm, like holding a fresh cup of coffee on a cold day.
The warmth seeps slowly up my arms, and I bite my tongue.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put all that on you. And…and I'm sorry that I kept this from you.”
“I didn't actually forget to get my car repaired,” Micah says, not quite interrupting me, but his voice is sure and strong, whereas mine was frail and frantic.
I struggle to catch up to the change of topic, staring blankly for a few moments.
Micah's lips quirk up when my eyes finally meet his. “I simply don’t have the money to get it fixed right now.”
“Whu-oh.” My mouth drops open.
“And when Nicko offered me his room—I knew I could never afford it even with my scholarship, so I was actually glad Olli had already asked someone else,” Micah continues.
“What…what are you doing?”
“Sharing secrets,” Micah replies, winking at me as he holds my other hand, his thumb brushing along the lines in my palm.
“Because I get why you don't talk about some things. And don't worry, I won't tell your parents, I promise.” He brings my hand up and uses my fingers to cross his heart.
The inexplicable desire to kiss him tingles right under my skin. Instead, I awkwardly pat his leg again, trying not to notice how he’s staring at me. I reach down and turn the key in the ignition.
“Alright, enough delays!” Thankfully, the radio pops back on to cover my fake cheer with another country classic. Get us home, country roads indeed.