Chapter 44 Hakara
Hakara
Pizgonia – Gorina, City of a Hundred Moons, in the Godless hideout
The city of Gorina is a marvelous thing indeed!
Built on the coast, fresh water flows from an inland oasis through numerous aqueducts, filling the fountains that make the city so famous.
It may be gauche of me, as a tourist in this fair port, but I took a walk through the winding streets at night, a cup of sweet date brandy in one hand and a warm pigeon-stuffed flatbread in the other, and counted out each of the hundred moons reflected in the fountains throughout the streets and alleys.
Velenor returned to the hideout later that evening, her face veiled again, horns hidden by winding cloth. She spoke first to the Godless, checking in on their injured, embracing the grieving while whispering soft words of comfort. Then she took them aside, questioning them one by one.
I waited, more than a little impatient, my knees drawn to my chest, my back against a wall.
Someone had stopped by with some dense, sweet pastry that tasted like honey and dried fruits.
I’d gulped it down before returning to my sullen watchfulness.
I couldn’t understand what she said, and I wasn’t about to ask Thassir.
Gods, the man was a wall. How apt a comparison – he was tall, impenetrable, steadfast. He expressed himself just as well as a wall, too.
I should sleep, but all I could think about was the sadness in his eyes when he looked at me.
My hand closed into a fist. I couldn’t stand it.
Each time I caught his gaze, I felt like I must be dying, or dead already.
It was enough to make me want to punch him.
Except that would be so very like punching a wall, too. The only one I’d hurt would be myself.
Finally, Velenor made her way to me, just as my own shoulder started to feel like a decent-enough pillow. When I scanned the room, I didn’t see Alifra or Dashu. They must have retreated somewhere else to sleep.
She squatted in front of me, peering into my face. “You did quite a number on the godkillers – it was all most of the Godless wanted to talk about.”
I shifted, grimacing as bones and muscles screamed in protest. “It was the least I could do.”
She waited, as though expecting another answer, but when I said nothing, she sighed. “No one attacked the council member. I went to the palace, climbed the wall, and shadowed her all afternoon. Nothing.”
“Lithuas probably orchestrated the attack to infiltrate the Godless, so if she didn’t replace the council member leading them, she might have replaced someone else.”
“That’s what I thought,” Velenor said. “Both Nioanen and I were distracted. We wouldn’t have noticed her shifting through the blood-pact bond. So I am speaking to each of the Godless in turn. None of them so far are Lithuas. I know her like I know myself.”
“And the Godless in other places? She could have gone elsewhere.”
“That’s true. But we cannot do anything about it now except to keep vigilant.” Her fingers brushed my forehead. “Get some sleep. Let me do my work. Worry about it tomorrow.”
I set my jaw. “I’ll worry about it tonight.” But maybe I was more tired than I thought, or there had been magic in her touch, because I found my head sinking toward the ground without my permission.
I woke to the flicker of lamps and a rolled-up shirt beneath my head.
Had I put that there, or had Velenor done it?
A fresh sword in a patterned scabbard had been placed to my right.
I pulled the blade partially free, testing my finger against the edge.
Sharp. A purse of hexagonal coins lay next to me as well, along with a note: The least I could do for the distance you traveled and the perils you faced.
Perils? Maybe it was just the roughness of life on the road and then living as a miner, but I didn’t know anyone who used words like that.
Velenor must have left the note as well.
I squinted. It was written in Kashani, besides.
I rose, fastening both sword and purse to my belt before finding my way toward the entrance to the Godless hideout. Someone had placed a ladder in the ruin of the stairs. But that wasn’t the first thing I noticed.
Alifra and Dashu stood beneath the wooden trapdoor, Dashu with a hand on the ladder, Alifra with her arms crossed. I felt as though I’d wandered into something I shouldn’t have.
“You two are up early. Or late? I’m not sure, is it morning yet?”
They both jumped, and neither were people I knew to startle easily. Dashu spoke first. “It’s morning.”
I jangled the coins. “Someone needs to find Talie, see if she’s spotted Lithuas anywhere.
And if it’s morning, might as well grab a bite to eat while we’re at it.
” I imagined the pastry I’d eaten last night, sitting like a piece of wet clay next to the corestone.
My stomach growled in protest. No more of that – had to find something substantial.
And looking for Talie would get me out of this miserable hideout where I’d have to face Thassir’s silence and doleful looks.
The Godless guards above fell back in awe as we emerged into an abandoned warehouse, their gazes focused on me.
What in all the realms had I done exactly?
I could only remember flashes of the fight the day before, most of my memories consumed by the way I’d felt – the fire flooding through me and the power I’d so freely accessed.
Outside, the sun had barely crested the horizon, swathing the eastern sky in rosy gold. Dashu and Alifra fell naturally into step behind me. I could smell food stalls nearby, the scent of frying meat and spices carried on the wind.
I let my nose guide me, the quiet of the morning reminding me of my time back in Kashan, Maman roasting skewers of goat over a fire as Mimi packed her medical bags for work with the horses.
Maman let us run free on those mornings, with fair warning on what to do if we ran into any wolves.
“Make yourself big,” she’d say as she turned the skewers, pulling one off the fire to inspect it.
“Shout, wave your arms. They’ll run away.
” She gave us both knives to tuck into our belts, and then we were off into the wilderness, expected back by lunchtime for lessons.
Until then, we spent hours skimming over the plains with our arms spread, pretending we were eagles, building fortresses from sticks and stones we then defended from imaginary enemies.
When Mimi had died, when Maman had left us, I’d confined Rasha to the tent in the mornings, too afraid to lose her. Take care of your sister, Mimi had said to me before she’d died. It was the only thing that had kept me going. The only real purpose I had.
Alifra and Dashu were talking behind me, quickly and quietly. I swallowed and tried to make out what they were saying, trying to distract myself from the silence. No good could come of thoughts like these, not when I had two loose gods in the city to find. Better to focus on what lay ahead.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Alifra was saying. “You’re the one who’s making it into more.”
Dashu’s urgent whisper. “Tell me you don’t feel anything for me, then. Tell me we’re just friends. Tell me it was a mistake.”
Alifra said nothing for a long time. I nearly missed the turn into the market, waiting to hear if she would respond, trying to pretend I’d heard nothing.
Had their relationship stepped into something more when I hadn’t noticed?
I’d been so single-mindedly trying to hunt down Lithuas, distracted by thoughts of Rasha and Thassir.
I thought of the way Dashu had taken Alifra’s hand before we’d raided that den in Kashan, the tender way he’d spoken to her and told her to grieve then, when he’d always told everyone to grieve later.
“I could never think of any time spent between us as a mistake,” she finally responded.
Were they holding hands now? Gazing at one another lovingly? I risked a glance back, pretending to notice the beauty of an archway mosaic. No. Definitely not. They stood arm’s length apart, staring at one another and very deliberately not closing the distance.
“That’s it then?”
“It’s all I can give you right now. And don’t pretend differently – it’s all you can give me right now.”
He leaned in, and amidst the bustle of the market, I lost track of their conversation.
It really wasn’t my business anyways. I found the stall I’d been smelling, where two people were working to cook and dole out flatbread stuffed with spiced meat and some vegetable I couldn’t identify.
I watched how much others paid and then handed over the right amount in coin for three.
My comrades crowded in next to me as we ate, having decided that whatever argument they’d been having was over, or at least delayed.
I was used to spice, but whatever was used to season the meat made my eyes and nose water.
Still couldn’t seem to stop eating it, the fragrance an incredible blend of heat and herbs.
Oil dripped out the side of my flatbread as I reached the end of it.
I shook out my fingers. “Look down the alleys for Talie. She’ll still be in cat form. ”
Alifra eyed a tabby that ran across the street in front of us. “Doesn’t seem to be a shortage of cats here.”
Now that she’d said it, I saw them everywhere, looking for handouts or scraps, meowing at strangers, chasing one another across the struts and reeds that shaded the streets. We wandered away from the market, glancing down side streets.
One alley in particular was filled with cats. Someone had put out bowls of food and water for them, and the animals had picked the bowls nearly clean. There, lying in a beam of sunlight, was a scruffy-looking calico.
I wanted to think it wasn’t Talie, that she was instead prowling on the struts and reeds overhead, peering at every face and listening to every conversation. And then she rolled over, yawned, and opened her eyes.
“Oh. It’s you.”
A nearby cat hissed upon hearing her speak.
I strode closer, cats scattering before me, and knelt at Talie’s side. “Did you find her?”
She licked one paw. “No.”
I watched her brush her paw over her ear. “And exactly how hard did you work?”
“Harder than you.”
Dashu, from behind her, said drolly, “I doubt that.”
Her tail swished as she rose to her feet. “I searched the city all night. Cats are nocturnal, remember? What were you doing all night?” I glanced back at Dashu and Alifra and watched the color rise to his cheeks. Alifra remained coolly disinterested. Nerves of steel, that one.
“Anyways. I saw and heard nothing. She may not even be here anymore. We’ve lingered here for long enough with nothing to show for it.”
I gritted my teeth. “It’s been days.”
“We should go back.” She pressed forward before any of us could protest. “I’ve followed you here, I’ve done as you’ve asked.
Now consider what I ask. The gods have gathered in Langzu.
The Unanointed brought them hope that there was a chance to fight back.
You know what could bring them even more hope?
Two of the elder gods popping up alive. Can you imagine?
Kluehnn may be powerful, he may be split among many aspects, but in the end he is still one god.
” Her ears flattened against her head. “And so is Lithuas.”
I thought of the stillness of the ocean, the uncertainty of my purpose, the painful memories flooding in. “No. We came here to find and kill Lithuas. We cannot keep changing track.”
Talie followed us back through the streets to the Godless hideout, but not before she rubbed against my legs and asked sweetly for one of those meat-stuffed flatbreads I’d been eating.
She could smell it on my hands, you see, and wasn’t it rude to buy some for my comrades and not for her?
I grudgingly acquiesced, though as the sun rose, I could feel the pull of fresh urgency.
I had to carry her down the ladder of the hideout to where Velenor and Thassir were clearing up the aftermath of the battle.
There were others in the room beyond, but Velenor saw us and discreetly closed the door.
Talie made a beeline for Thassir as soon as I set her down, shifting to her original form.
Alifra glared at her, but she only shrugged and gestured to the bloody remains of the godkillers as she backed toward the corner he was stacking loose weapons in.
“What are they going to do, rise from the dead and hunt me down? They already know where this place is.”
I wanted to watch, to see how he’d react to her demands, but Velenor approached, her face veiled in midnight blue. She shook her head before she even came within earshot. “I finished questioning everyone. None of them are her.”
I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes, my voice sounding strange with the pressure. “That’s not good enough. We have to find her. I’ll scour the entire city if I have to.” I lowered my hands, glaring at her defiantly.
She met my gaze with her level own, and I was reminded of the look Maman gave me when I made wild claims about being able to knife a wolf in the gut instead of scaring it away. Both she and Thassir turned at the same time, their gazes fixed on the wall.
“Lithuas,” Thassir growled from the corner. “She shifted.”
I stared at the wall they were looking at, as though I could discern anything at all from it. “Where?”
Thassir was moving to the ladder. “She’s either at the docks or back on the Sanguine Sea. We misjudged this, Velenor. She didn’t come here to infiltrate the Godless, not yet. She’s played us.”
“She must have found a corestone here,” Velenor said. “She’ll take it back to Langzu, force restoration.”
I gritted my teeth – it was what I’d feared. We’d come such a long way, through the ocean barrier itself. I wanted to kill her and be done with it, to return home triumphant, not with this sense of unease swirling inside me.
Thassir seized the ladder, and then his eyes met mine. In a mere moment, he’d melted from shaking anger to a doleful helplessness.
I tore my gaze away.
I’d crossed an ocean to find an elder god and had found one I hadn’t expected.
But now, at least, I knew what I was capable of with the corestone in my belly.
If I met Lithuas again, I wouldn’t have to trust Thassir, to rely on him in any way.
I had the knife I’d taken from my sister. I had the strength.
I would kill her.