Chapter 47 Rasha #2
Relief made me weak. I struggled to keep my feet under me, my knees steady.
If this was what he greeted me with, then he didn’t know what I’d been doing.
“I can fight again.” It didn’t sound like my voice – it was too clear, too confident.
Inside, my stomach roiled. If I kept on with helping Mull, with talking to the crow, I would be caught. Yet I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
I had to. I had to stop.
Kluehnn was speaking, and I’d missed half the words. “Of course, rumors are rumors, but these are disturbing enough that I think I should handle them myself. I’m putting together a retinue to accompany me to Bian, to the Sovereign’s castle. I want you with me.”
It was an honor, more than I could have hoped for, given my transgressions. I prostrated myself, ignoring the ache in my leg. “Thank you.” I waited, the space at my belt still empty, questions still swirling in my head. Rumors? Rumors of what?
But I knew this about Kluehnn: he did not appreciate questions.
His claws scraped against the floor as he rose.
I watched his feet click closer. “I will not give you another blade, not yet. But if you acquit yourself well, you can expect to be returned to your cohort when we arrive back at the den. Until then, I’m sending Khatuya and Naatar out again.
Even without you, they’re formidable, and one of my godkillers has seen the gods’ encampment.
I will send other cohorts with them. We need to press the gods, find out how many of them there are, and what their defenses are like. ”
I remembered my conversation with the crow.
There were more gods gathered than Kluehnn thought.
They’d hidden their numbers. I wished I still had the sick bowl with me.
If I didn’t tell him, he’d send my friends into terrible danger.
If I told him, the fragile peace I was trying to broker would never exist.
My mouth was so dry. I licked my lips and dared to lift my head. “What if we didn’t have to fight?”
Kluehnn’s eyes narrowed. “You suggest we let the gods overrun the surface? I made a bargain with Tolemne. I said I would restore the land above, I would protect the mortals. Should I abandon that promise?”
It would kill him, as it would kill any god who broke a promise. “No,” I said quickly, bowing my head once, twice. “Of course not. I only wondered if there was a way to peace.”
“Peace?” He snorted. One back hoof scraped against the floor.
“With the gods? What do you think would work that hasn’t already been tried, my child?
Any peace we made would be a chance for them to grow in numbers again, to rest, to gain an advantage.
” He lowered his head, cocked it to the side. “Is that what you want?”
I sat back on my heels. “No. No, of course not.” I bit my lip. There was part of me that knew I should leave it at that, but I had to know. “But what if there was a way still open to Unterra? What if we could send them back, seal them away?”
His lip curled back, showing sharp white teeth.
“I thought you had become strong, yet here you are, trying to solve the problems of the gods – your enemies. Let me be clear: there is no way back to Unterra, and even if there were, the gods would refuse to walk it. They do not want peace, they want conquest. They want all mortals dead.” He stalked from one end of the small cave to the other, his tail whipping behind him.
I flinched back and hoped he didn’t notice.
“There can be no peace,” Kluehnn snarled, the filaments on his back waving about. “Not until all the other gods are dead.”
“I’m sorry.” I bowed again. “I did not mean to make you angry.”
The waving filaments went still. He stopped, reached a hand out to touch my cheek.
He stroked the scratch Mull had left me with the pad of his thumb.
“Ah, Rasha, I know. Sometimes the fiercest hearts are formed around a gentle core. You must burn it out, harden yourself. There are those who would seek to use you, to turn you to their advantage. You cannot allow it. You must not. I thought you’d put these sorts of thoughts aside after the trials. ”
He shook his head, as though admonishing himself.
“I will let you fight again when we return. That will help. Killing an enemy can be purifying; it can strip away the uncertainties. It is either us or it is them, and perhaps you need a reminder.” He pulled away.
“Now go. Ready your pack and tend to your duties. We leave for Bian tomorrow.”
I retreated, bowing, letting the door slam shut in my wake.
There was something startling and final about that scrape of metal door against stone, the echoing of the sound through the corridors, the fading of it.
Khatuya and Naatar were embracing when I returned to our room, even after my timid knock. Naatar took my hand. “Khatuya and I… we’ve known one another for a long time.”
I pulled away. I didn’t want him to explain – like they were adults trying to explain their relationship to a child. All I wanted was for nothing to change between us, though it clearly already had. So I forced a smile. “I’m happy for you.”
“Kluehnn is sending us after the gods. Without you,” Khatuya said from behind him. Always blunt and to the point.
“I’m to attend him as he visits Bian. When we return, he will give me a blade again.”
We stood there for a while in silence, and then Naatar clapped me on the shoulder. “That’s good. That’s good news.”
I fled as soon as I was able.
Mull was slumped over the books when I arrived back at the archive.
I pushed his shoulder, handing over a cup of foul-smelling liquid. “Drink this. It will help.”
He sniffed, gagged, but choked it down.
“You have to pull yourself together. I’m leaving tomorrow for Bian, to see the Sovereign.”
His face paled. “The Sovereign. Sheuan.” He seized a piece of parchment, began to write. “Please. If you see her, give this to her. She’s my cousin.”
Now that I looked, I could see a resemblance between them.
This was my Sheuan he was talking about then, not someone else.
I watched, not sure what to say, unable to read what he’d written.
“I’ll be with Kluehnn’s aspect at the castle.
I’m not there for a pleasure visit. Why do you think I might see her? ”
He folded the letter, handed it to me. “Because she’s married to the Sovereign.”