CHAPTER TWELVE ~ ABBY ~ FOURTEEN YEARS AGO #3
“I’d argue it would be easier to walk away from it now before it starts,” Graeme says.
“But that’s not what I meant. All of those things are weeks away yet.
Why don’t you change your flight and stay for another couple of weeks?
My parents are leaving for Skye in a few days, but you can stay here with me.
You can explore more of the city, and we can take a few day trips when I’m not working. ”
My mind flashes to the kiss Graeme and I shared earlier. If I agreed to stay—which seems like an absolutely bonkers, unrealistic idea—what would I stay as? Would we be the best friends we’ve been since day one, or would we be...something more?
“I’m not ready to say goodbye to you yet, Abby.” He closes the space between us and takes my mug from me, setting it aside and wrapping his warm hands around mine. “I’ll never be ready, but there’s no reason we couldn’t have a bit more time.”
I’ll never be ready. There’s a hint of pleading in his expression, mixed with something I’ve never seen before. Except that’s not entirely true; I have seen it, but I’ve never let myself acknowledge it. It’s a mix of hope, longing, and affection, with a touch of heat.
“I...don’t know what to say.” It sounds pathetic, even though it’s the truth.
“Okay then,” Graeme says slowly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“The day we met...why were you so adamant that we be friends and only friends?”
The question takes me by surprise, as does Graeme’s straightforward delivery.
With our hands still tangled, I pull him toward the couch so we can sit.
“The simple answer is Drew. She and Brodie hadn’t been together long, but there was clearly something special between them.
I didn’t want to risk messing that up by developing a crush on Brodie’s brother or maybe even taking it further and having it end badly.
Drew has had so much hurt and disappointment in her life, and I’d do anything to prevent being the cause of more in any way. ”
“Even at the expense of your own happiness?” Graeme asks.
His question pokes at something tender in me, making my tone defensive as I say, “It wasn’t, though.
” I sigh, sitting back further on the couch and angling to face Graeme.
“I knew if Drew and Brodie stayed together, you and I would be in each other’s lives in some capacity, and I figured being friends was...
safe. I’d never had a boyfriend or even dated anyone, and the thought of letting someone in like that scared me.
I’d learned it was safe to have friends, to hold onto friends.
When Drew said we’d be best friends forever, I believed her.
The idea of romantic love felt completely different, though.
It would mean letting someone all the way in, trusting them with my heart, and I wasn’t ready for that. ”
I don’t add that I’m not sure if I’m ready now, even years later.
“And you never saw me as anything other than a friend?” Graeme asks. “Never...thought about more? Wanted more?”
There’s a hint of uncertainty and vulnerability in his voice that I’m unaccustomed to.
Part of me wants to say no and end this discussion.
Stop before we reach the point of no return.
I never expected to have a conversation like this with him.
Never thought I’d have a reason to reveal I’ve had decidedly un-friendlike feelings for him that I tried hard to bury deep.
I’m good at burying things, but my feelings for Graeme are buoyant and resilient, and would never stay down for long.
“You made it impossible not to want more.” My voice is so quiet, Graeme has to lean in to hear me.
“I drew that line and put us in the friend zone, but that didn’t stop me from wanting more.
Not acknowledging it kept me safe, though.
Staying on my side of the line meant I couldn’t have my heart broken.
” A mirthless laugh slips past my lips. “All these years of being careful and not allowing myself the one thing I truly wanted, and now I’m going to have my heart broken anyway. ”
Graeme makes a soft sound of dismay and inches closer to me. He holds out his palm, and I place mine in it, loving the way his large hand folds around mine. He stares at our joined hands and laughs softly, shaking his head.
“What?” I ask.
“Sorry.” He shakes his head again. “I’m fighting an internal war at the moment. You’ve just confirmed what I never allowed myself to hope for, but you’re leaving in a little over twenty-four hours.”
Hearing it reduced to hours like that makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
Graeme’s grip tightens on mine, and he shifts closer to me until our knees bump.
“Hear me out. I know it’s likely foolish to pursue anything when we’re going to be living separate lives soon, but what if we take the next couple of weeks and let ourselves feel everything we haven’t allowed ourselves to feel before?
You said yourself that your heart will be broken regardless, and god knows mine will be too.
So if we’re going to be brokenhearted regardless, why not make some incredible memories first? ”