CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE ~ ABBY ~ NOW #2
For so long, I’ve let my fears overshadow the things and people that are permanent fixtures in my life.
Drew, Brodie, and Fern have always been there for me, even when we lived in different cities and life could easily have gotten in the way.
Graeme and I may have drifted apart, but I’ve always known if I needed him, he’d be there without question, even after I broke his heart.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I check my notifications, hoping for a reply from Samantha.
I responded to her email the other day and confirmed I’m in Edinburgh and would love to meet for coffee before I leave.
Instead, the new email awaiting me is an interview request from one of the many companies I applied at before I left Kingston.
I skim the message to remind myself of the job description, noting the pay and benefits.
Despite seeming perfect on paper, I get the sense the job itself—editing and formatting documents for a company that provides province-wide grants—would be mind-numbingly boring.
Still, as I said to Graeme the other day, a job is a job, and this is the only place that’s followed up with me in all my weeks of job hunting.
Even if it was a boring job, at least I’d be living in a city I love again, with three of my best friends close by.
I could finally do the things I always said I’d do, like take some classes and try new hobbies.
I could explore the city again, the way we did in our university days.
Whether I stayed with Drew and Brodie or rented a place, I could save money and think about buying a small place of my own within the next few years.
Something that’s mine. Maybe then I’d finally feel the sense of permanence that’s been missing.
All of this could be a good thing. It should be a good thing.
So why do I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach?
I look at my purchases from today, trying to imagine where I’ll put them.
The image that comes to mind isn’t Drew and Brodie’s house or some abstract apartment of my own in Kingston. It’s this apartment.
My gaze strays out the window to Arthur’s Seat, and the almost ethereal glow around the ancient extinct volcano.
All at once, it hits me: I could live in a city that boasts multiple extinct volcanoes.
A city with two castles and fascinating museums and breathtaking architecture.
A city where you can be bathed in sunlight one moment, soaked in rain the next, and shrouded in fog just minutes later.
A city that features bagpipers on street corners and gorgeous parks and an endless supply of things to do, no matter your interests or hobbies.
Most importantly, a city where the love of my life lives. All of it could be mine if I just got out of my own damn way.
A knock on the door startles me, and I spin to see Graeme standing in the doorway. He’s smiling, but it fades the moment our eyes meet. “You all right, love? You look as if you’re about to cry.”
I suck air into my tight lungs. “I’m having a lot of Big Feelings at the moment.”
He leans against the doorjamb in a way that has me experiencing an entirely different set of Big Feelings. “Mum came by with some homemade biscuits earlier. Fancy a cuppa and a wee chat?”
“As appealing as that is, I need to say something before I chicken out.” My fingers are tingling and going numb, so I shake them out and suck in another deep breath. “I think...I think I might finally be ready to move to Scotland.”
I barely register Graeme moving. One second he’s across the room, and the next thing I know, he’s standing in front of me, so close I can feel the warmth of his body and smell his familiar musky cologne. His arms band around me, crushing me to him, and I cling to him like my life depends on it.
He releases me so suddenly, it causes me to stagger back, but he catches me by the shoulders and holds me in place. “I know you’ve always had a fondness for Edinburgh, so I don’t want to be presumptuous, but does this have anything to do with me? With us?”
“It has everything to do with us. I’ve been such an idiot for so long. I have so many regrets, and yet...” I grip his wrists, needing more points of contact to ground me. “And yet even now, I’m still terrified.”
His brows snap together. “Tell me what you’re terrified of, a ghràidh.”
I wince. “But then you’ll know how truly neurotic I am.”
His lips twitch. “Abigail. You know you can tell me anything.”
“You might live to regret saying that, but okay.” I suck in another deep breath and blow it out in a rush.
“What if I move here and I hate it? As a visitor, I have a romanticized vision of the city, but it’s different actually living somewhere.
I’m familiar with Kingston, and I like the city.
The sensible part of me tells me I should be practical and go back there, get a job, and find a place to live. ”
“How has being sensible and practical worked out for you so far?” he asks.
“Ouch,” I murmur. “Shots fired.”