Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Ava
I’ve never been so nervous about coming to work. Because he’s coming to work today. And I already know being near him will be both amazing and a form of torture.
The morning rush is just about done when I see movement over my left shoulder. I tense up for a moment before realizing it’s just Jason coming in from the back.
His brow lifts and he checks his watch. “I know I’m two minutes late, but dang, Ava, I’ve never seen you look more disappointed in me.”
I blow out a hefty sigh. “It’s not you. I’m expecting Trevor. He’s going to be working with us today. I’m just not sure what time he’ll be here.”
He ties an apron around his waist. “Should I start looking for another job?” I can’t tell if he’s making a joke until he winks at me and says, “I’m kidding. I know you love me, Ava.”
“You’re the best. I’m not looking forward to the day you earn your masters degree and decide this place is beneath you.”
He steps closer. “Who says I’m going anywhere?”
“Me. I say it. You’re going to end up running Starbucks someday, not slinging coffee at my little coffee house.” I sigh. “I’m just going to miss you. And replacing you… ugh, I don’t even want to think about it right now with everything else going on.”
My eyes close. Then Jason’s arm comes around my shoulder. “It’s going to be alright,” he whispers in my ear. “You just need to give it time.”
A throat clears behind me, and I turn and see Trevor standing on the other side of the counter.
It’s still shocking whenever I see him. The scruff on his face makes him look so completely different than before.
So roguish and manly. And maybe a little bit dangerous.
I almost laugh thinking Trevor could be anything other than a teddy bear.
But then my almost-laugh turns into an almost-cry when I realize that was the old Trevor.
Nobody really knows who this new Trevor is. Including him.
“Hey,” I say.
He doesn’t even acknowledge me. His eyes are laser-focused on Jason. Right, he wouldn’t know who Jason is—or who any of the employees are. None of them were at the party.
“Trevor, this is Jason Murray, our assistant manager.”
Jason stretches his arm across the counter, holding out his hand.
“Nice to… uh, it seems weird to say meet you, because we already know each other. Have for a few years.” He waves a hand around after they shake awkwardly due to Trevor’s casted forearm.
“Do you really not remember any of this?” He glances at me. “Do you not remember her?”
I’ve never seen this look on Trevor’s face. Is it anger? Frustration?
“I might not remember,” Trevor says, squaring off his stance, “but I still own this place. Don’t get too comfortable, Mason.”
“It’s Jason,” Jason says defensively, stepping forward.
What’s going on here?
Chelsea, Gray, and a few customers are staring. I motion for Trevor to come behind the counter and follow me to the back, where I take his elbow and pull him into the office.
I shut the door behind us. “Trevor, what just happened?”
He looks at the door. “Are you fucking him?”
I about fall over. I just stand and stare and blink and try to process what he said. I shake my head repeatedly because Trevor would never accuse me of such a thing.
“Of course not. Why would you even say that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it was the way he winked at you. Or how he had his arm around you and whispered in your ear.”
I have to remind myself that this Trevor doesn’t know me.
He doesn’t know Jason. He has no idea how friendly they were or how close Jason and I have become as friends, and friends only.
He doesn’t understand what he saw came from that friendship.
It was Jason caring about me in the same way Maddie or Regan would have.
And if I’d walked into the same situation not knowing anything, maybe I’d have jumped to the same conclusion.
I sigh and sit behind the desk as a wave of nausea washes through me. I’ve been feeling similar ripples all week. I think I’m experiencing morning sickness. Or maybe it’s just my nerves being all over the place, like spaghetti on a wall.
“Jason is a good friend. To both of us. I promise there has never been, nor will there ever be, anything more than friendship between us.”
I can’t even get myself to be amused or maybe even excited that he might be jealous over another man.
Because if he were, that would mean he’s starting to feel a connection with me.
Any sense of excitement here is instantly quashed by the way he attacked Jason and confronted me. It’s so completely out of character.
He scrubs a hand across his jaw, another mannerism that’s new. “Fuck. I’m sorry. When I saw him so close to you…”
“Trevor, since the day we ended up in the same geometry class, there’s never been a single thought in my head about another guy.”
“I know.” He snorts. “I mean, I don’t, but I guess I have no choice but to take your word for it.”
I try not to flinch at his biting, hurtful words. “If you’d just read all your letters, and my diary, you’d know.”
“You don’t get it, Ava.” He paces the small space next to the desk. “Reading those things for me is like watching a movie or something. It’s hard to put myself in the position of actually being the person who wrote them, or being the guy you wrote about.”
I nod sadly.
“What do you want me to do?” he asks.
“For one, not bite off the head of our assistant manager.”
“Yeah.” He leans against the wall. “I suppose I should apologize.”
I get up and offer him my chair. “Maybe you should start back here. Learn the books and the computer programs. Go over the accounts and schedules and deliveries.” I scribble down the login information for him.
He raises a brow. “You want to hide me back here after I acted like a jealous boyfriend?”
I don’t correct him and tell him he was acting like a jealous husband.
And, man, it sucks not being able to read him like I always have. Because I have no idea if what he said was said in sarcasm, or just plain suspicion.
“No.” I look at the door. “Maybe. I don’t know. Listen, this is uncharted territory for all of us, so I think easing into everything is the way to go. You’re the one who talked about baby steps, remember?”
Baby steps.
Even thinking the words reminds me once more of the monumental secret I’ve been keeping from him.
Am I doing the right thing by not telling him?
But he’s the one who keeps telling me not to overwhelm him with information.
And after the way he reacted to Jason, I’m not all that eager to have him fly off the handle if I were to drop that bomb.
He huffs out a breath and takes the seat I vacated. “Fine.”
I motion to his cast. “Think you can maneuver a mouse with that thing?”
“I’ll manage.”
“Let me know if you have any questions.”
“I have one.”
I cock my head and wait.
“Do you think you could make me that really good iced coffee you made last night?”
I smile. It’s a small thing. Maybe even an insignificant thing. But right now, I’ll take any tiny piece of the old Trevor that shines through. “Coming right up.”
Two hours later, without hearing a peep from the back, I slip into the office. “How’s it going?”
He shakes his head. “You do this all by yourself? Shit, Ava, running a business, even a small one, has tons of moving parts.”
“It’s not that hard because I’ve been doing it for so long. I started working here when I was fourteen.”
“You did?”
I nod. “You got me the job.” I swallow. “Because you didn’t want us to be apart any more than we had to be.”
He clicks the mouse a few times, practically ignoring my statement.
I guess that must have fallen under the category of ‘too much,’ so I change the subject. “Jason said you apologized and offered to take him out for a drink.”
“He turned me down. Something about taking night classes. Oh, and I met Chelsea and Gray. They seem pretty knowledgeable.”
I take a minute to tell him about our other two employees, Leah and Bug, who he hasn’t met yet.
His stomach grumbles loudly, and he checks the time then looks up at me. “We should go to lunch.”
“Um… that’s not really the way it works around here. I don’t take lunch per se. But if you need a break—”
“I didn’t mean I needed a break, Ava. I was asking you to lunch. But if you don’t take lunch, how about a drink later? After closing?”
Not wanting to lie about why I can’t have a drink, I say, “I think lunch sounds like the better option. But it’ll have to be a late lunch.
” I eye the clock. “With Jason here, I can knock off around two if you think you can wait.” I motion to the storage room.
“There’s plenty of things you can snack on to tide you over. ”
“Great. Sounds like a date.”
For a second, I’m giddy. This is what I wanted to happen. I’m going on a date with my husband. But giddy is not what I should be feeling, because my husband is most definitely not the man I’m going to lunch with.
He’s a new person. A different man. But I’m the same. Can we ever fit together the way we used to?
Someone much older and wiser than me—Maddie’s grandmother, Rose Gianogi—once told me all people who come back from serving their country, no matter what capacity, will be different in some way. Even more so for those who were close to combat zones.
Oh, the things he must have seen. He’d have been different even if he hadn’t lost his memory. I’d seen small changes in him over the years—subtle things I didn’t notice at first, then it kind of crept up on me all at once. And yet, I still loved him. So I can still love this him.
Can’t I?