Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ava
Icontemplated not even coming tonight. Socializing with friends is not exactly what I want to be doing when my life is in shambles.
But when I come around the corner of the building and see Regan, Maddie, and Amber all sitting at our picnic table, each with a stroller by their side, I know I made the right decision.
This is my tribe. The women who will be there for me if Trevor won’t.
The ones who will arrange playdates, give me advice, tips, and parenting strategies.
Amber sees me coming and tucks eighteen-month-old Aaron back in his stroller under a thick blanket.
“Nice to see you out and about.” She stands and hugs me after I put the coffees down.
“We took bets on if you’d show up. You know, with all the hot sex you and Trevor have been having.
” She laughs. “Is it weird to think that you’re dating your husband? ”
Amber’s other child, nine-year-old Josie, is playing on the jungle gym with Gigi, so there’s no need to speak in code.
It’s been a week since Trevor left. I haven’t told anyone he’s gone. They all assume it’s business as usual with him staying in the back when the shop is open, and us being holed up in the apartment rekindling our relationship when it’s not.
Tears cloud my vision. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or what, but I feel like I’ve never cried so much in my life as I have these past seven weeks—the only exception being those three wonderful days last weekend. Days I wish I could get back.
If only I’d been straight with him from the start.
Then again, if I’d been up front with him from the beginning, those days may not have happened at all.
I’m torn between wanting to relish those few days—as they’ve been the first ‘after’ memories that are really worth remembering—and wishing I could go back and do it all differently.
No. Then I wouldn’t be pregnant, something I’ve wanted all my life. Maybe something I’ve even wanted as much as Trevor. It’s not something I’d trade for anything.
Even him? I wonder.
“What’s wrong?” Maddie asks, as all three draw near.
I shake my head, not wanting to say the words. They come out in a whisper. “He’s gone.”
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Amber asks.
“He said he has to figure things out.”
Maddie and Regan look at me knowingly, probably having put two and two together, but neither of them says anything.
“What’s there to figure out?” Amber asks. “You two were looking as in love as a couple of smitten teenagers.”
“I did something I shouldn’t have.”
“Sister, haven’t we all,” Amber chuckles. “I’ve got just the thing.” She pulls something from her coat pocket, and before I can stop her, she’s pouring a shot of liquor into my coffee.
Sometimes, especially when it’s chilly out and none of those in attendance are pregnant or nursing, we’ll make our coffees ‘Irish.’ But today, now, one of us is pregnant.
I push the cup away. “I can’t drink that.”
“Why not?” she asks. “Are you driving somewhere later?” When I don’t answer, she studies me for a beat and then squeals. “Oh my god, Ava Criss, you’re pregnant!”
Serenity and Addy walk up at the very moment Amber makes that very loud and public declaration.
“Wait, what?” Addy says. “Seriously?”
I close my eyes, because now is the moment I have to fess up. I nod.
Amber, Ren, and Addy all cheer in delight. But not Regan and Maddie. They know me better than the rest do. They know if Trevor’s gone, it means he’s found out about everything. And he isn’t happy about it.
“That has to be some kind of miracle,” Ren says. “Like somehow the accident rendered him more fertile.”
I shake my head. “It happened before the accident.”
“Before?” Addy asks, confused. “But he was gone for so long.”
And just like I told Trevor eight days ago, I confess everything to my friends as they sit and stare at me, wide-eyed.
Serenity reaches across the table and puts a hand on mine. “I get it. Cooper and I have been trying for years. The desperation that comes along with that can make a person crazy. I don’t blame you for wanting to use the rest of the embryos. I’d probably do the same.”
“Yeah, but would you do it behind Cooper’s back?
” Her nonanswer is just more assurance that what I did was so completely out of bounds.
I touch my stomach. “I know what I did was wrong. But I don’t want to take it back.
I’m having a baby. His baby. Our baby. Something I never thought would happen.
” Tears flow, a mixture of happy and sad. “I’m going to be a mom.”
“He’ll come around,” Addy says.
“I’m not so sure,” I admit, my biggest fear working its way through a sniffle.
“The old Trevor would have taken issue with the loan, but then when it sank in that we were going to be parents, he’d have been happy.
He’d have forgiven me before the sun went down.
” I look up at the night sky and wipe away a few tears.
“But this isn’t the old Trevor. This is a man who just found out the woman he’d only been dating a week is pregnant.
And not by accident. By deceiving the man he used to be.
The man he has no idea would have accepted the situation and been happy about it.
” I wipe my face with my coat sleeve. “In my attempt at making this perfect life for us, I may have ruined it completely.”
“So where is he?” Amber asks. “Staying with his parents again?”
“I don’t know where he is. I don’t think anyone knows.
Not even Dawn and Chuck. They came around a few days ago after they hadn’t heard from him.
They were both surprised and disappointed he’d left without telling them.
I suspect Carter knows. He’s been avoiding me lately when he comes to pick up his standing order. ”
“What did Dawn and Chuck say about the baby?” Regan asks.
“I didn’t tell them. I thought it best to wait for Trevor to… do whatever he’s going to do.”
“So this information doesn’t leave this picnic table,” Maddie says.
“When are you due?” Ren asks.
“September twenty-fifth. I’m twelve weeks.”
My chin quivers when I think about the fact that this is when most people feel free to tell the world. But I can’t. I can’t tell anyone else until Trevor makes a decision.
Then again, maybe he already has. Maybe the fact that he’s been gone an entire week without making contact means he has decided. Decided it’s too much. I’m too much. And that he doesn’t want to be weighed down with a wife he doesn’t remember loving and a baby he has no recollection of wanting.
Addy gets up and comes behind me, wrapping me in a hug. “We’re here for you no matter what. We’re your village. I hope you know that.”
“He’s going to come around,” Regan says. “The old Trevor is in there somewhere. I just know it.”
I sniff back more tears. “I was just getting used to the new one. Parts of him were the same, but parts were different. And I kind of liked the new version of him. Or maybe I just liked the feeling of falling in love again.”
“Trevor 2.0,” Amber says laughing. Then she smiles. “Things have a way of working out in the end, Ava. You’ll see.”
After all she’s been through in her life, she’s definitely one to talk. I just hope she’s right. Because at this point, I can’t imagine my life without either Trevor. As much as I’ve tried to fight it, I might just love them both.