Chapter 4 #2
Jamie cursed himself for being so bloody indecisive. They stood at the counter of The Snug Mug, his favorite little coffee spot near his flat, which he was realizing now had a really ridiculous name.
A queue began to form behind them.
“Have you decided yet, sir?” the barista asked again.
Jamie’s cheeks heated. “Sorry,” he muttered, glancing nervously at Caleb and then back at the menu. “Just one more moment…”
He felt the impatience building behind him as he tried to decide what he wanted to drink.
Ellie had already made him coffee that morning, so he was fully caffeinated, and if he got another, he’d probably end up jittery.
He didn’t want to be jittery on his date with Caleb—he was already flustered enough after the man had shown up with the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers he’d ever seen.
But the chai here wasn’t very good, and he didn’t want to order something he didn’t like. Also, was it bloody hot in here—?
“Hey.”
A large hand pressed lightly into his lower back.
“Take your time.” Jamie’s shoulders loosened at the sight of Caleb’s sweet smile. He exhaled and turned back to the counter. “I’ll have a half-caf caramel latte, please. With oat milk.”
“Lovely,” the barista grumbled, scribbling on the cup and sliding it down the counter. Caleb paid before Jamie could protest, and they moved to a table near the window overlooking the street.
“Sorry. I can be indecisive sometimes.”
Caleb’s eyebrows furrowed. “No need to apologize. I’m in no rush.”
God, he looked good.
Apparently, putting this date off for a month had given Jamie plenty of time to convince himself that Caleb wasn’t the most gorgeous man in existence and that life would go on if he didn’t go out with him.
But now, sitting across from Caleb, he looked like he’d stepped straight out of a magazine. The red shirt clung to his biceps, and in the morning light, Jamie could see the flecks of green and gold in his eyes as he smiled.
“Jamie and Caleb!” the barista shouted from behind the counter.
“I got it.” Caleb stood and quickly retrieved their drinks. As he sat back down, his eyebrows tugged together. “Were you indecisive about whether or not you wanted to go out with me?”
“Oh.” Jamie’s cheeks warmed, and he dropped his gaze to the table. “Well, no. Not exactly.”
A knot of embarrassment tightened in his chest. It had taken him a whole bloody month to finally go out with Caleb.
“It’s okay if you were. I’m just happy you’re here.”
Jamie took a sip of his drink, trying to settle his nerves. When he looked up again, Caleb was watching him with that same easy, patient smile.
“I suppose I was nervous,” Jamie admitted. “But I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t mean it. The exhibit at the library ended up being rather time-consuming, and I wanted to give you my full attention if… when we did go on a date.”
He resisted the urge to scratch the back of his neck, which suddenly felt far too warm. “I, uh—I want to curate my own exhibit someday, so when I get the chance to assist, I try to make the most of it. Which usually means I end up working late.”
“That’s amazing.” Caleb leaned forward excitedly. “Tell me about it. How did it go?”
Jamie smiled as he told Caleb all about the exhibit.
About Clarence’s micromanaging, JB swooping in to help, and all the ideas he had for exhibits he wanted to lead one day.
The more he talked, the more he felt himself relax, and the anxious knot that sat heavy in his stomach all afternoon finally loosened a bit.
Caleb listened intently, leaning forward to ask questions and interject.
He shared bits about his own goals—becoming Head Athletic Trainer someday, hopefully for Chelsea—and stories about the girls on the team, who were quickly becoming his friends.
He even admitted he’d called his sister on the way over because he’d been nervous.
Caleb had been nervous?!
An hour slipped by, and Jamie couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled this much. Caleb’s eyes kept drifting between Jamie’s eyes and his lips. Jamie’s emotions struggled to keep up as the energy between them ebbed and flowed—light and giddy one moment, charged and heart pounding the next.
At one point, Jamie caught himself wondering what it would be like to bring Caleb home. To introduce him to his mum. To Pippa.
That exact thought had been enough to put him off even agreeing to this date a few weeks ago. But now, sitting across from him, their feet brushing under the table, it didn’t feel quite so terrifying.
More than once, Jamie felt his fingers twitch, wanting to reach across and take Caleb’s hand.
When Caleb spoke about missing his mum, who had moved back to Texas, and his friends back in Chicago, there was something softer in his voice that made Jamie yearn to touch him. Hold his hand and pull him closer.
Maybe even kiss him.
Caleb’s low chuckle brought Jamie’s attention back.
Good Lord—had he been staring at his mouth?
“Huh? Sorry—erm, what did you say?”
A slow, knowing smile spread across Caleb’s face. He leaned back slightly and crossed his arms. “Whatcha thinking about over there?”
“Oh—just that, well…” Jamie swallowed. “I like it when you talk about yourself. I like listening to you.”
“Hm.” Caleb bit his lip, clearly amused. “You’re too cute.”
Jamie’s face burned. “Erm, thanks.”
“I like learning about you, too, Jamie.”
When they finished their coffee, Caleb suggested a walk. It was still early enough that the heat hadn’t settled in yet, and Jamie didn’t want the date to end.
Because once it did, he’d have to decide what this was. And what it meant.
Jamie led them down the street towards Regent’s Canal.
“Do you have some time?” Jamie asked, glancing over as their hands brushed. “Ellie and I usually walk down to Graham Street Park and back. Takes about half an hour.”
Caleb reached for Jamie’s hand and laced their fingers together. Jamie’s heart skipped.
“I’ve got all day.”
They walked side by side, talking easily, Jamie doing his best not to notice the occasional glances or double takes from passersby. No one said anything, but he still felt… aware of their eyes. A few times, he braced himself for someone to say something.
Caleb didn’t seem to notice at all.
“Wow,” Caleb said, pulling Jamie’s attention back to him. They stopped near a bench overlooking the canal. “This is gorgeous.”
An enormous tree with bright orange leaves stretched overhead, catching the sunlight and scattering it across the path.
They sat together on the bench, the slight breeze sending a few leaves skittering along the path.
After a few, peaceful minutes, Caleb pulled their joined hands into his lap.
“Look, Jamie…” Caleb took a breath. His thumb brushed lightly over Jamie’s knuckles.
“I really like you. And I’d like to do this again. ”
Jamie’s heart thudded hard against his ribs. “I’d like that too.”
“Yeah?” Caleb smiled, and the warmth of it made guilt twist in Jamie’s chest.
“Yes. But, Caleb, I…” He gently pulled his hand back into his lap. “Dating me might be more complicated than you think.”
Caleb tilted his head and frowned. “How so?”
“I’m not exactly… out to everyone in my life,” Jamie admitted.
“And I’m very close to my family, so if we did this, I’d need to take things slow.
It’s not that I’m ashamed, and it’s not that I’m unsure—God knows I was in denial long enough about…
” He flopped his hand stupidly between them.
“I just… think I’m still a bit scared. To tell my family, that is. ”
Jamie’s shoulders dipped as he stared down at his hands. There it was. The pathetic truth that, even in his mid-twenties, he still remained partially in the closet.
“Hey.” Two fingers nudged his chin upward. Caleb’s eyes were soft when Jamie looked up. “That’s okay, Jamie. We can go at whatever pace you need. I don’t think you realize how rare this is for me.” Caleb grinned, slightly embarrassed. “Hell, I’ve never been nervous for a date before.”
Jamie blinked. “Really?”
“Really.” Caleb chuckled, reaching up to brush a curl out of Jamie’s face. It stubbornly bounced right back into his eyes. “I want to keep seeing you. And if you ever decide to come out to your family, I’ll be here. If you’ll have me.”
Jamie’s mind struggled to keep up with what was being offered to him. A kind of care and warmth—everything he’d wanted for so long, and yet never really believed he could have.
Hope bloomed in his chest, only to be chased away by a hot kernel of doubt.
Whispering that it would eventually… end.
“We can take things as slow as you need,” Caleb said, as if he could hear Jamie’s fear out loud.
Jamie sat there frozen as Caleb’s thumb gently caressed his cheek.
He wanted to be brave. To tell that kernel of doubt to sod off. To reach for something he really wanted, for once in his bloody life.
Shoving away thoughts of coming out, he let gravity pull him toward Caleb.
Caleb leaned in too, pausing slightly.
Like he was offering Jamie the opportunity to pull away.
Fuck it.
Jamie wanted this. He wanted this more than he’d wanted anything in a very long time. More than dating apps or dirty clubs. More than letting his friends set him up with men they swore he’d like.
Whatever this feeling was—this warmth behind his ribs, this aching need to be closer—he was tired of running from it.
“Yes,” he said, with a certainty he found buried somewhere beneath years of fear and doubt. “I... yes, Caleb.”
Caleb’s thumb stilled against his cheek.
“Are you—?”
Jamie cut him off by leaning in. The moment Caleb’s lips pressed softly against his, the tension drained from his body. He melted into the best kiss of his life, warmth spreading through his chest as Caleb kissed him back.
In that moment, with orange leaves dancing through the London breeze and sunlight warming his face, Jamie knew there was no going back.