Chapter 9
“It will be fine, Mum,” Jamie muttered as she saged him for the hundredth time. Waving the fragrant smoke from his face, he added, “Also, could you please get that out of my face?”
“Just in case!” she exclaimed as she looped the smudge stick around Jamie’s suitcase.
He covered his nose with the back of his hand.
“I just want you to be safe and healthy and happy and…” She sniffed a few times, wiping her eye with the back of her hand.
“Are you sure you’re ready to go? You could stay a tad longer. Caleb can stay here, yeah?”
His chest tightened. “Yes, Mum. I’m sure I’m ready.”
A big, fat lie. He wasn’t sure.
February had arrived, and facing whatever was waiting for Jamie in London made him want to vomit.
Caleb had come by a few more times, always bringing a tote full of some of Jamie’s favorite things, and it eased his nerves a bit.
Pippa tried to help as well, telling Jamie as much as she could about his relationship with Caleb.
It helped a bit.
It was just so unsettling that Caleb knew him so well—knew that he would want his skincare products, his wool cap, and his reusable bottle.
That his favorite treat was a jam tart. Last time, he’d also brought a few other things that Jamie didn’t recognize, but still appreciated.
Books that he would have to start over from the beginning, a notebook…
“J! Caleb is here!” Pippa’s voice boomed up the steps and, before he could lose his nerve and get back into his childhood bed, he hugged his Mum and rushed downstairs.
Caleb stood near the door, awkwardly fidgeting with a small bouquet of flowers. His tight curls had been trimmed since his last visit, and he wore a forest green jumper that hugged his lean muscles. His brown skin had a flush to it from the cold.
The most dazzling part of the entire ensemble was the enormous grin he had on his face as his eyes found Jamie, then traveled down to the suitcase in his hands.
“You all packed?”
Jamie closed his mouth, realizing it had been hanging open. “Yeah, I think so.”
That earned him a pleased smile. Caleb’s excitement about Jamie coming back to London was palpable in their tiny foyer. He looked like he wanted to scoop him up and toss him in the car. It made Jamie want to be brave enough to take this next step.
“Jamie, your fiancé is the best.” Pippa’s voice snapped him back into the room. “Mum! Caleb brought us pastry! And flowers!” With absolutely no manners at all, she opened a small box and bit into a flaky pastry. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ.”
“Pippa Louise!” Mum scolded as she trekked down the stairs behind Jamie. “Language. Caleb is still a guest.” With a huff, she ushered Pip into the kitchen, with eyes that said, sorry, I raised her better than this.
Jamie turned to Caleb. “Sorry about her.”
“Oh, it’s totally fine,” Caleb laughed fondly. “I’m used to it.”
“Right.”
“Also, those flowers were for you, but…” He waved vaguely in the direction of where Pip had disappeared with the bouquet.
“Thank you.” Jamie felt his ears heat up. It was so bloody stupid, getting all giddy over flowers when he was literally leaving to go live with the man.
An amused twinkle appeared in Caleb’s eyes as he sniffed the air around Jamie. “Maggie saged you, didn’t she?”
Jamie palmed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Erm, yeah.”
“Classic Maggie.”
“Right. Classic.” Jamie noticed Caleb’s smile slip a bit, a tiny crease twitching between his brows.
“Ready to go?”
The car ride to London was really bloody awkward. Jamie already hated being in cars—he much preferred public transport or his bike—and he had no ideas for conversation. Every few minutes, Caleb would ask a random question to fill the silence.
“Music okay?”
“Uh, yeah. Fine.”
“Is it too cold in here? I can turn the heat up.”
“I’m really fine.”
Jamie studied Caleb’s hands gripping the steering wheel. The sleeves of his jumper were pushed up to his forearms, revealing muscular, veiny forearms that flexed when he made a turn or adjusted the gear. His fingers were long and slender, and Jamie wondered what it felt like to be touched by them.
He reminded himself that he had been held by Caleb. Probably many, many times. They’d been engaged, right? That meant that this extremely sexy man had… done things to him. Things Jamie didn’t remember. But was now getting very flustered thinking about…
He tore his gaze away from Caleb’s hands and stared out the window. Christ. He needed to pull himself together.
After an internal pep talk, he mustered up the courage to ask, “So, what type of car is this?”
“A Golf GTI.”
“Oh. I thought I saw a Volkswagen emblem.”
“Yep.” Caleb’s handsome face lit up, eyes on the road. “It’s a Volkswagen Golf.”
“Oh. Very cool. When did you, uh, get it?”
Caleb bit his plump lip, and Jamie found that fascinating, for some reason.
It was a nice lip. “Two-ish years ago? Whenever I got promoted to Head Athletic Trainer. It came with a nice pay raise.” He glanced at Jamie and smiled.
“You gave me a really hard time for using my raise for a car. I know you hate them.” His smile fell.
“Or… you did. I don’t want to assume how you feel now.
” His thick eyebrows tugged together uncertainly.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m not really sure how to act about all of this. ”
Jamie’s hands relaxed from where he was squeezing the tops of his thighs. “Me either, if it helps. But, yeah, I mean, I don’t hate cars. I just prefer—”
“Public transportation or bikes,” they said in unison.
After another awkward silence, Jamie said, “You know, I am a bit chilly. Could we turn up the heat?”
“Yeah, totally.” Caleb rushed to crank the dial. He seemed eager to have something to do other than awkwardly talk to Jamie.
As the rolling hills gave way to distant skylines, Jamie felt the tension in his chest begin to soften. He couldn’t wait to be back home in London. The city he loved. London would fix his broken mind, he was sure of it.
It wasn’t until they turned onto an unfamiliar street that Jamie’s heart dropped, and anxiety flooded right back in.
He realized he didn’t even know the way home.
“Make yourself at home.” Caleb winced the second the words left his mouth. “I mean, obviously. It is your home. I just mean—”
“I get it. Thanks,” Jamie said with a kind smile. They’d arrived after a ridiculously uncomfortable car ride where Caleb asked about the car temperature nineteen times because, apparently, he was a fumbling idiot.
Jamie floated around the space, taking in everything like it was the first time he’d been in their flat. Of course, his eyes instantly stuck to the bookshelf, and he floated on over to investigate, just like the first night they’d met.
Caleb’s stomach churned at the way Jamie looked so… lost. It was hard to watch.
Slipping away, Caleb grabbed Jamie’s bags and took them into the bedroom.
Even with the car ride over, he was still running on the high of getting that phone call.
After two weeks of little communication, Jamie had actually called him.
Asked him to come pick him up and bring him to London. Said he wanted to… try.
Whatever that meant.
Probably try to feel normal, in the event that his memories came back? The doctor had told Caleb that there was about a fifty-fifty chance, but…
Caleb shook the thoughts away. Whatever try meant, Caleb would make damn sure this place felt good for Jamie. Familiar and wonderful and cozy. He’d make sure it was a place Jamie wanted to stay.
Returning to the kitchen, Caleb plopped the kettle onto the stovetop. He could feel Jamie watching him from behind.
“I know a lot of this is new to you,” Caleb said, clicking on the burner. “So don’t be afraid to ask questions. I’m an open book.”
“Thanks.” When Caleb turned back around, Jamie was inspecting the bookshelf closely. His eyebrows pinched tight in thought, and his arms were crossed, gaze lingering on Caleb’s Bluetooth record player shoved in the corner of the bottom shelf.
“That connects to your phone,” Caleb said, nodding to the device.
“Right.” Jamie continued to frown down at it, like it was the devil.
Looking closer, Caleb could already see the influence Maggie had on her son after just a few weeks of having him home.
His curls had been trimmed short, and Caleb itched to run his hands through them like he used to.
Watch his eyes flutter closed when he scratched his head.
His eyes wandered lower, and Caleb’s brain practically short-circuited at the fit of those trousers. Goddam, his ass looked so fine in them—
“Are all of these mine?” Jamie asked, pointing to the books on the shelves.
“Half of them. The neat half.” Caleb smirked as he got the honey from the cabinet.
“You were polite about it at first, but when we moved in, you insisted that the books needed to be more orderly.” He smiled fondly, wondering if it was too soon to mention that books were the only thing Jamie was orderly about. Everything else was pure clutter.
“Tea?” he asked instead.
“Oh. Yeah, thanks.” Jamie turned, his cheeks flushed, and it made his green eyes sparkle. His eyes raked down Caleb’s body and back up. It felt like their first few weeks together all over again, with Jamie not-so-subtly staring at Caleb’s body with absolutely no idea what to do or say.
The difference was that Caleb didn’t feel like it would be appropriate to make a move on him, like he had once. No matter how horny he was for his man. Not under the circumstances.
“Here you go.” Caleb slid Jamie’s tea to the edge of the marble counter. Jamie sat on one of the stools and took a sip.
“Wow, it’s perfect.”
“Well, I know how you like it. Milk, no sugar. Touch of honey.”
“Right.”
Jamie’s eyes flicked around the room curiously, lingering for a moment on the rubbish can. A “Garbage Can” label covered up a bigger “Rubbish” label.