Chapter 16 #2
‘Me too.’ I laughed, reaching for the crumpled lit cigarette and inhaling deeply. ‘Filthy habit but, just occasionally, it hits the spot.’
We sat on two upturned milk crates, sharing the cigarette, and I wondered if the absent Susannah had been brought down to this, Theo’s secret, favourite place.
‘So, what are your plans?’ Theo asked as he flicked the cigarette butt into the fire, now showing some life of its own.
‘Plans?’
‘You know? What do you intend doing with your life?’ He stroked my arm.
To be honest, I couldn’t quite get my head round anything I might be up to that didn’t involve Theo Mandeville.
I wanted to stay here, in this moment, forever.
‘So,’ I said, leaning into him slightly, ‘my internship with the union finishes at the end of July, although I guess, if I wanted, I could stay on right until I’m back in Leeds at the end of September. ’
‘And do you want that?’
I shook my head. ‘I never intended returning home to Rothersley for my year out. All I wanted – I think I told you this – was to be in London, Westminster. The whole politics thing. It didn’t happen.’
‘You could always take yourself off for a long weekend – a week even.’
‘Yes, I’ve been thinking about that. You won’t believe it, but I’ve only been to London once before.’
‘Oh?’ Theo smiled at that.
‘My mum and dad took me to see Annie when I was fifteen. A birthday treat. That bloke from Z-Cars – Stratford Johns – was in it. We left my brothers at home with my grandparents and so it was just the three of us. I felt very special. We walked for miles – even then I was interested in where the prime minister lived, where he went to work…’
‘James Callaghan, I guess, at the time?’
‘Hmm. The Winter of Discontent and all that. Led the way to Thatcher coming to power. Even at the age of fifteen, I listened while my dad said Callaghan wasn’t running the country well. Not that he wanted the Tories back in.’
‘Goodness,’ Theo said, running a finger along my cheek. ‘When I was fifteen, my only interest was football and how to stop blushing when I talked to girls.’ He laughed at the memory. ‘And, again, keeping out of the way of my mother and my two big sisters.’
‘Don’t you get on with your mum?’
‘She’s not the most motherly of mothers,’ Theo finally said after a long pause. ‘How anyone can send a child away to school at the age of nine is beyond me. If I ever have children, I’m sure I’ll want them with me all the time.’
‘But it’s what you lot do, isn’t it?’
Another silence. ‘Yep, I guess it is.’ For a second, Theo looked sad. ‘So, go on then, what are your plans?’
‘OK, finish the year with the union, get on with my dissertation. I want a first. If I’m going to get anywhere, I’ve got to get a first. Then do a law conversion of my first-class degree…’ I laughed, slightly embarrassed: was I coming over as full of myself?
‘And then?’
‘Vocational training to become a barrister. Be called to the bar where I can sort out human rights…’
‘Woah, slow down.’ Theo pulled a face. ‘You have it all mapped out? Your life and career?’
‘Is that a bad thing?’
‘No, not at all.’
‘I mean, you have your dream of taking England by storm in the world of squash, and I’m determined to be in London as a barrister helping those who face injustice.’
‘You’ll do it, won’t you, Anna?’ Theo glanced down at me.
‘Who knows?’ I laughed. ‘I’ll probably end up back in Yorkshire, married to a miner and with four kids all under the age of five.’
Theo smiled. ‘Well, that would be a waste of your talents. Although, you appear to have had a perfectly happy childhood yourself in Rothersley. Might not be too bad a life ahead of you.’
‘I want more, Theo.’ I turned to him, taking in his beautiful face bathed in the flickering flames of the fire in front of us.
‘Of course you do. I’m sorry, I was being trite. The thing is, Anna, I’m not sure I know how to do anything other than be a dutiful son, fulfil the expectations that were laid out at my birth. You know, like my ancestors have done down the centuries?’
‘Oh, come on, Theo, times have changed. It’s 1984, not the nineteenth century. You have every right to do whatever you want with your life.’
‘Even if it means handing over the reins of this place for someone else to run? Or, worse still – and this would break my father’s heart – demolish the whole estate, sell off the farms – although not sure who could afford to buy them these days – and finally sell off the land for housing.
That’s probably what it would amount to.
I’ve had my familial duty shoved down my throat since I was born. ’
‘A lot of people would love to be in your position,’ I started. ‘You know, no huge worries about not getting the degree you set out for; no filling out application forms for jobs that no one wants to give you; a roof – and a bloody big one at that – over your head.’
‘A leaky one.’ Theo grinned. ‘Costing Dad sleepless nights as well as a fortune. Not convinced the Trust will cough up as it’s our family’s remaining part of the house that needs mending.
’ Theo shifted his leg until it met my own.
I felt drunk with the nearness of him and, as I breathed in the scents of wood smoke, lingering cigarette smoke and the citrus tang of Theo’s aftershave, I tried to take in every bit of him, wanting to imprint his image on my consciousness so that I’d never forget what had been the most wonderful evening of my life so far.
I knew there was very little chance of seeing much of Theo Mandeville in the future – he’d most probably be taking his own year out once I returned to Leeds – and I wanted to capture every single second of this night before we returned to the hall to catch up with whatever sleeping hours were left.
‘Anna…’ Theo whispered the word before his hand went to my hair, gently releasing the long strands from the remains of Kath’s up-do and lifting them from my neck before burying his mouth into it.
‘You are utterly beautiful.’ He moved a hand to my face, to my neck, before kissing my collarbone.
Goodness, who would ever have thought a collarbone could hold such promise?
I felt my insides turn to liquid, saw the golden downy hairs on his olive-skinned hand and knew I wanted Theo Mandeville more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.
‘Come to London with me,’ he whispered into my hair.
‘Sorry?’
Theo sat up, smiling down at me, his hardness in the tight, white breeches evident. ‘We have a house there. In Holland Park.’
‘Another house? And in a park?’
I could feel Theo smile as he nipped gently at my neck with soft little kisses. ‘Not in the actual park,’ he countered.
‘Well, it wouldn’t have surprised me if you had,’ I said, reaching my arms around his neck and slowly kissing his mouth.
‘So will you come?’
‘When?’
‘A long weekend? Soon. We can stay there.’
‘Are you sure? Your parents won’t mind?’
‘No, they know I have friends from school who are all now in the City. They’re more than happy for me to go down, keeping an eye on the place and keeping in touch with friends.’
‘And your father won’t mind me staying there with you?’ I pulled back, looking into Theo’s eyes.
‘I’m sure he did exactly the same when he was my age – stop worrying about my father. So, will you come?’
In every way possible, I thought as I nodded and Theo gently pulled me down onto the damp grass.