Chapter 18
I took the bus down to the train station, determined not to cry at John Dyson’s utter chauvinistic belief that he had the right to lay his hands on me as much as he liked and, apparently, whenever he liked.
I soon realised I’d missed the train I’d told Theo I would be catching and had to wait another forty-five minutes for the next Hallam Line train to Leeds.
I bought myself a coffee on the platform, but when that only accentuated the anger I was feeling towards every man on the planet, I made my way to the pub across the road and ordered a gin and tonic.
Even in there were men, travellers, reps of all ages and sizes whose gaze moved from my face to my breasts to my bare lower legs, taking in that I was a woman alone and drinking gin.
I must therefore, in common parlance, be asking for it, easy pickings.
I glared back at a couple of men whose eyes lingered too long on my chest area and took deep breaths, willing myself to calm down.
The gin helped, and my fury at Dyson’s behaviour moved my thinking once again back to Fliss.
Had she been assaulted by some man before she ended up in the Leeds canal that awful morning last year?
I shook my head slightly, glared at the middle-aged man whose greying combover and awful checked suit were simultaneously moving in my direction, stood and made my way back to the platform.
‘I thought you weren’t coming! Thought you’d changed your mind!’ Theo smiled, obvious relief on his face as he met me outside the Queens Hotel on Leeds station. ‘I just rang your house to see where you were.’
‘Oh?’ I’d not told Mum and Dad I was meeting Theo, instead that I was staying with Clare and Katy and catching up with people on my course as well as looking out for accommodation for the coming academic year.
‘I spoke to your brother.’
‘Right?’
Theo laughed. ‘He said…’ And here Theo took on a rather poor broad Yorkshire accent: ‘“Well, she said she were off to Leeds to stay with some mates, but who knows what our Anna’s up to these days? Anyhow, she set off with an overnight case, so your guess is as good as mine where she is…”’
‘You didn’t say you were waiting for me?’
‘Would it have mattered if I had?’ Theo took my hand. ‘No, I just asked if I could speak to you.’
‘So much is going on with my family and the strike at the moment – you know, Les going off flying picketing…’
‘Isn’t that illegal?’
‘Very probably.’
‘I mean,’ Theo went on, ‘there’s thought that the whole strike is illegal: you know, the miners called out without a ballot from the NUM…’
‘Theo, I’m actually working for the NUM,’ I said irritably.
‘Of course I know all this. Striking miners – like Les – who’re travelling in large numbers to other sites is being seen as unlawful obstruction under the Employment Act 1980.
’ I heard myself quoting verbatim. ‘The police are being ordered to make mass arrests for public order offences rather than specific flying picket charges.’
‘OK, OK.’ Theo stopped as we walked, looking down at me. ‘Anna? Are you all right? Are you sure you want to be here with me? You seem upset. I’m sorry if the little I know about the NUM and the strike makes me appear to be showing granny how to suck eggs.’
I smiled at that. ‘Theo, you can’t imagine how much I want to be here with you.’
‘Good!’ He squeezed my hand, bent to kiss me and then, taking my bag said, ‘Let’s get a drink and something to eat.’
‘The Wimpy Bar?’ I asked.
Theo laughed. ‘Really? Is that what you want?’
I shook my head. ‘The first time I saw you, you were in there. The one on Boar Lane.’
‘Oh?’ I could see Theo trying to recall when he’d been in there. And with whom. He pulled a face, changing the subject once he clearly realised he’d been with Susannah. ‘I thought you once professed to being vegetarian?’
‘I tried it for twelve hours. No, I was in there one lunchtime with Fliss, and you were with who I presume to be Susannah.’
‘Right.’ Theo didn’t say anything further as we headed towards York Place.
‘Where are we going?’
‘Len’s Bar.’
‘Oh, I’ve never been there.’
‘It’s one of my favourite places when I want to get away from the whole student scene and just people watch.’
The bar in question wasn’t packed as I’d assumed it would be. We found a table and Theo went to the bar, returning with an ice bucket containing a bottle of white wine.
‘Pushing the boat out?’
‘My godmother sent me a rather nice cheque for my birthday.’ He smiled and started pouring, tasting the wine first, as posh people always do in films.
‘I thought she always bought you gloves?’
‘That’s my granny.’
‘Ah, the godmother with the villa in some alpine paradise?’
‘You remembered!’
‘How could I forget?’ I took a long drink from the cold crisp liquid and leaned back in my chair.
‘That’s better,’ Theo said, reaching for my hand.
‘What is?’
‘You were like a coiled spring when I met you. Drink some more,’ he urged.
When I didn’t respond, Theo went on, ‘What is it, Anna? Was being at home with me last weekend and now again, here in Leeds, too much? Against those principles of yours? You’ve had time to think?’ His tone was teasing but I felt a wariness behind his comments.
‘No, no, no!’ I moved to kiss his mouth.
‘But you were irritable, stressed, angry when I met you this evening? I watched you walk along the concourse – you actually strode along – and I knew something was wrong.’
‘I’d just come to the conclusion I no longer like men.’
‘What? It suddenly hit you while you were walking through Leeds station?’ Theo sat back. ‘Anna, you haven’t decided you’re a lesbian since I saw you on Sunday?’
‘Would it matter if I were?’
Theo stared. ‘Erm, well, yes, practically anyway!’
His face was such a picture, I started to laugh. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything…’
‘Well, maybe now’s the time, you know before I really fall in love with you.’
In love with me? My heart soared.
‘…but up until fairly recently, I’d been seeing someone who works in the office with me.’
‘For the NUM?’
I nodded.
‘Not sure I can compete with that,’ Theo said, looking worried.
‘I’d finished the relationship but, on two occasions recently – this evening being the latest – he’s tried to, well, I suppose you’d call it sexual assault.’
Theo sat, open-mouthed. Eventually he said, ‘Go on.’
‘It’s just this idea that so many men hold, that we women are inferior beings; that we’re here solely for the use – and abuse – of men.
Whether it be to make their coffee, cook their dinner, clean up after them, have their babies and stay at home while ruining our careers or…
’ and here I paused, ‘that we must be up for it… that we’re easy game. ’
‘My dad had his hands on your backside when you were dancing with him.’ Theo was unsmiling.
‘Oh, you noticed? It wasn’t the end of the world, Theo. It didn’t bother me. I mean, for heaven’s sake, there’ve been times when I’ve had a spliff or too much to drink and I’ve ended up stroking some man’s arse.’
‘Have you?’ Theo looked slightly worried. Whether it was the mention of the spliff or my goosing some unknown man, I wasn’t quite sure. ‘I was embarrassed about my dad,’ Theo went on. ‘He drinks too much. Always been one for a pretty face… you know?’
‘Different generation.’ I smiled. ‘Anyway, I determined, after this second assault on me at my desk, that I wasn’t going to be a victim. I wasn’t going to cry, I wasn’t going to go, boo hoo, poor me. Instead I was going to use it for a common good.’
‘Oh?’ Again, Theo appeared slightly worried.
‘Women’s rights. I’m going to become a lawyer taking on cases of domestic abuse, rape…’
‘Good for you. I’m sure you’ll get there…
’ Theo broke off, looking up as a blonde walked over to him, bending to kiss his mouth in what could only be called a proprietorial manner.
She whispered something in his ear and, without another word and certainly without acknowledging me whatsoever, walked slowly and deliberately back the way she’d come.
‘Sorry about that,’ Theo said, looking totally embarrassed. He reached for his glass, draining the contents. ‘Shall we go?’
‘Susannah?’ I asked.
Theo nodded.
‘Look, I don’t mind staying, if you don’t? I’ve had it in spades with exes wanting more. That little performance with your ex – I assume she knows she’s your ex? – was nothing compared to what I had in the office this afternoon.’ I looked at Theo. ‘Is she still, you know… does she still think…?’
Theo looked miserable. ‘No, no, I broke it off. I just hate upsetting people.’
‘Well, at least you didn’t have to kick her in the balls!’ A sudden vision of me booting John Dyson in his wedding tackle made me want to laugh.
‘You are going to report him?’ Theo said, taking my hand once more.
‘Oh, yes? His word against mine. It’s a closed shop – old boys’ network when it comes to the police and management.
’ I suddenly felt more cheerful, my anger dissipating.
‘I reckon I gave back as good as I got. And I’ve only a few more weeks working there.
As I said, I refuse to become a victim.’ I drained my own glass.
‘But you know what the whole episode did, Theo, is remind me what Fliss possibly went through. I mean, was she trying to get away from someone who was trying to force himself on her?’
‘You still don’t think I had anything to do with her death?’
‘No, no. I don’t. Fliss just used you as a cover for what she was really up to – to explain her absences at night.’ I hesitated. ‘I was very jealous, you know, when she was off every evening, all dolled up, when I thought she was meeting up with you.’
‘Were you? Really?’ Theo leaned in, kissing my eyes, little butterfly kisses that had me wanting more. Oh so much more. ‘Look, I need to feed you…’
‘Theo, I’m not a duck waiting to be thrown some bread crusts.’
That made him laugh and I joined in. ‘Jesus,’ he said, ‘if I don’t make love to you very soon…’
‘Hang on,’ I said, heat radiating through every bit of me. ‘Just let me go to the loo. Where’ve you parked your Mini?’
‘Aire Street multistorey,’ Theo said, winding a long strand of my hair around his finger and pulling me towards him.
‘What about the wine?’
‘What about it?’
‘We can’t just leave it!’
‘We’ll take it with us.’
‘Is that allowed? You know, some law about not having alcohol on the streets…?’
‘You tell that to the winos down under the dark arches!’
‘Hey, I’d be a wino if I was homeless and sleeping on the street. Wouldn’t you?’
‘Point taken!’ Theo grinned, placing the half-full bottle under his jacket.
I leaned in to kiss him and, standing, made my way to the ladies’. I had a quick pee before moving over to the washbasin and mirror. Hell, my pupils were enormous, my cheeks slightly flushed in anticipation of what was to come. I added lippy and smiled at myself in the mirror…
‘He’ll break your heart.’
‘Sorry?’ I stared at the reflection of the blonde girl standing behind me, before turning to face her.
‘You heard,’ she said calmly. ‘He’s very good at doing just that.’ Susannah held my eye for several seconds before raising an eyebrow, slowly smiling in my direction and then walking out of the door.
I was floored. I waited a minute, turned the tap and held both wrists under the cold water for a couple of seconds, dried my hands and left.
There was no sign of Susannah.
Theo had long since left his student digs at Bodington Hall and was now sharing a red-bricked terraced house, very similar to the one I’d shared with Fliss, not far from the main campus.
Once in the Mini, Theo turned to me, handed me the bottle of wine but, frowning slightly, asked, ‘You all right?’
I’d been sitting in the passenger seat, belt still unbuckled, debating with myself whether I should tell Theo what Susannah had said. She’d clearly been watching us from somewhere and had intentionally followed me to the loo.
I moved to kiss his cheek, and then his mouth, but Theo was gazing at me with such intensity I felt quite winded.
He lowered his face, taking my own between his two hands and kissing me with such expertise I found myself floating away.
‘Come on, take me home,’ I said finally.
‘I just hope there’s no naked men in the bath this time. ’
There was no one in at Theo’s place – two had gone home to study for end-of-year exams and one was, apparently, out on the town – and the house felt peaceful, waiting. Theo went into the kitchen, opening a cupboard and returning with two tumblers which he filled with the remainder of the wine.
‘Not very cold now I’m afraid,’ he apologised, handing one to me and, standing, just looked down at me, his eyes never leaving my face.
‘Jesus, Anna…’ He placed his glass on a small table before taking mine and doing the same.
‘I’ve never… never felt like this before…
’ He broke off and I rested my body against his, feeling his breath in my hair, on my face.
Time stood still, I drew back, looked into his eyes before reaching forwards to undo his blue denim shirt one button at a time, pressing my mouth to kiss his chest as tanned smooth skin was revealed.
He unbuttoned my jumpsuit, pulled the flimsy silky vest over my head in one slow movement and then slowly turned me round, unclasping my bra at the back before turning me back to face him once more and, taking my hand, led me to the bedroom.