Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Her horse hated her.
After waking up early from jet lag, she’d been so excited to head to the barn to see Flame and ride out to visit her sister at the special overlook on Wild Mountain.
The moment she’d entered Flame’s stall, the horse had tried to kick her.
She’d flown outside the stall and closed the gate as the mare roared angrily.
Flame continued to buck, kicking the sides of the stall.
Adrenaline rushed through her as the sound reverberated through the barn, agitating the other horses.
“Come on, girl. It’s me.”
An angry kick was her answer, along with another pissed-off trumpet sound from the wild-eyed cinnamon roan. She knitted her hands together and tried to look calm as she stood in front of the stall, the smell of clean straw and sweet alfalfa hay all around her.
What prompted this tantrum? She’d envisioned Flame welcoming her home with a good nuzzle. The mare used to hug Hannah with her neck and follow her around without a lead rope.
“You’d best give her some space.”
Hannah froze at Ben’s deep voice. Turning, she spotted him in the soft dawn light coming toward her.
Her mouth went dry. She’d forgotten how good he looked in a simple pair of well-worn jeans.
He hadn’t bothered to shave, and even seven years later, she trembled at the memory of how that rough scrape felt against her bare skin.
Dammit, he was still hot. That pissed her off. And she was already angry about last night—the last way she’d wanted to start her time here.
He hadn’t come up to Will’s cabin to welcome her.
Nope. He’d sent his son. With a gift. His family’s bag of potato chips—ones he also craved.
Then Will had done his best to lay out the sleeping arrangements Luke had already told her Ben had arranged.
Like she’d have Neil sleep in the bunkhouse when she was staying in a three-bedroom cabin.
How she’d wanted to march down and hurl that bag of chips at him.
She didn’t need his chips or his opinions on their sleeping arrangements.
She certainly didn’t need to stare at that bag on the counter this morning as she’d drunk strong coffee and remembered all the times they’d fed them to each other—in bed or out of it.
Flame kicked the stall again, and that was all it took. She lost her cool.
“What the hell’s wrong with my horse?”
He winced as Flame gave another violent kick to the stall, causing her neighboring horse in the next stall to neigh loudly. “She seems to be mighty pissed.”
“I can see that.” She pointed at Flame. “Why is she acting like this?”
“You know horses. They’re like cats. You’ve been gone a long while.”
Picking up a bucket of feed, he watched the mare carefully as he approached the stall. Flame came over to Ben immediately when he reached the gate and rested her head against his chest.
Traitor. Crossing her arms, Hannah glared at them.
“Didn’t Will tell you I was planning on swinging by this morning?” he asked, patting Flame’s head and making soothing sounds. “We’re going to have to reacquaint you is all.”
“Reacquaint us?” She scrunched up her nose as she felt a sneeze coming on from the dust in the barn. “She wants to take a piece out of me.”
His low chuckle had her hackles rising. “Yeah, she sure does, doesn’t she?”
Flame looked over Ben’s broad back, showing who she appreciated all right.
The sight finally punched past the anger straight to the hurt.
That cinnamon red roan mare had been a special gift from Ben after they’d nursed the colt to full health.
She’d ridden other horses, but she and Flame had shared a special bond she hadn’t thought anything could break.
Much like she’d thought about Ben and her.
“My horse hates me. I—we—bottle-fed her when her mother died. I slept in the stall with her until we knew she was going to make it. I—”
Loved her with every part of me.
Like she had the man who was comforting Flame.
Even though it was irrational, she felt like they’d both united against her. She felt shut out. Like she wasn’t one of them anymore.
Then again, she wasn’t. God, she must be overtired and jet-lagged because all she wanted to do was weep.
What was she doing here?
The lights in the stables flickered then, and she shivered. Her sister’s old trick was back. Good of you to remind me, Sarah.
Ben continued stroking the mare, keeping his back to her. He looked every inch the tall, handsome cowboy she’d fallen for, but now he was broader and more powerful in build. All man and way too devastating to her peace of mind.
“I’ve always thought people who talked about having the memory of an elephant had never met a horse,” Ben commented. “Flame was pretty upset when you left.”
“Upset?” She edged closer and had to jump back when Flame bared her teeth. “She wants to kill me.”
“She’s just cranky—like you seem to be.” He looked over his shoulder with a knowing brow she well remembered. “I hear that jet lag can be a bitch.”
She heaved out a breath. “It is. Finding Flame has an attitude problem doesn’t help. Oh, and since we’re on the subject. While it was nice of you to give me your potato chips, I have my family’s share and Jolene’s.”
The topic of Neil she would have to swallow for now.
Ben gave another muffled chuckle. “And here Will worried about me being a grizzly bear. You seem to have gotten the memo this morning. I went back and forth about coming out here when I saw you headed to the barn. I knew you wanted to ride out and see Sarah, but—”
A hard ball lodged in her throat. The lights flickered again, making Ben look up and frown, but she got the message. He’d been thinking about her, and here she was acting hurt and grouchy. “Are you saying maybe Flame would have responded better if I’d worn a welcome hat?”
“No, she’s got a grudge against you for leaving. Thinks you abandoned her.”
Like me was implied.
She dug her nails into her palms as she walked over and sat down on a hay bale. “I didn’t feel like I could visit her when I came home.”
His Stetson dipped low, hiding his face, but she heard his soft curse. “I realize that, and I’m to blame. I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I knew you didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
Here it was. “If we’ve got any shot at making this trial run work, we’ve got to talk things out all the way. I told Jolene it’s like lancing a boil.”
She could hear him grind his teeth over the munch of hay from another stall. “Not here. Even though he’s asleep, my boy has the run of the ranch, and I don’t want him overhearing anything if he comes looking for me.”
That dull ache in her heart throbbed. When she first saw Cooper, she saw a lot of Ben in him.
His smile, his dimples, his eyes. But then he made a face, an expression so like Amber, that it was hard to look at him.
She certainly didn’t want Cooper overhearing their conversation, though. “Another time, then.”
“No, we do this now.” He walked over and opened another stall, leading Orion out. “You’ll ride my horse, and I’ll ride Flame. We’ll see if we can coax her into letting you handle her on the way back.”
As he strode off toward the tack room, she pressed her hands to her thighs. Isn’t this part of why I’m back? When she caught him carrying her old saddle toward her, she thrust off the hay bale and headed toward him. “I can do it.”
“Good, then you might stand back as I lead Flame out.”
He still swung the saddle onto Orion’s back for her before heading to the angry mare’s stall. Flame cuddled him before coming out at his gentle urging.
Hannah saddled Orion, murmuring softly to him. He made her work for it for about two beats before nuzzling her neck, welcoming her back. She’d take that as a win. He’d always been a strong, solid mount. Quiet. Dependable. Like his owner.
When she tightened the girth and adjusted the stirrups, she noticed her saddle was in tip-top condition. “Who cleaned my saddle? I was all ready to do that this morning.”
“Things get done around here,” he called back, capably saddling Flame. “You need help getting back into the saddle?”
God, wasn’t that a metaphor? “No, I’ll manage.”
She was a little rusty as she put her foot into the stirrup and swung up. She’d barely ridden in seven long years. Ben cleared his throat in that knowing way of his. Damn annoying.
“You head out first,” he called. “I want to keep Flame back a bit until we can ride out some of her anger. Ah…where’s your cowboy hat?”
“At my parents’ house. I wasn’t there long enough yesterday to pick up any of my things.”
She’d realized in bed last night that all of her keepsakes of her relationship with Ben were in those boxes.
Did she have any memories that didn’t include him?
All the photos she’d taken showcased him.
What was she going to do about that? She still didn’t have any answers, so she planned to avoid it as long as possible.
Her father’s frosty greeting yesterday made that easy. There I go again, avoiding things.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said quietly. “Your mother isn’t well.”
His voice carried a heavy weight. Ben had a whole trunkful of knowledge about the complicated workings of her family. “Dad said she fell, but Jolene thinks it’s more than that.”
“So do I.” He took off toward the tack room again.
When he returned, he was carrying a cream-colored cowboy hat embroidered with flowers, a present he’d bought her for her sixteenth birthday.
He handed it to her, avoiding her gaze, but she watched him swallow thickly.
Touching the familiar brim, she felt a knot lodge in her chest. “Someone cleaned my hat too?” she asked hoarsely.
“The McAllisters take care of things,” he said. “Let’s ride.”
Clutching the beautiful hat in her hands, she felt tears fill her eyes. She was overtired. Overemotional. Over—everything.
She felt confident that Ben had been the one to ensure her saddle and hat were ready for her to use.
Despite our past, he was still kind to her.
Clearly, he and Flame were besties now. But it was confusing.
What was she to make of his actions when the day before it had seemed he wanted nothing to do with her by not coming up with Will and Cooper to welcome her?
One moment at a time, Hannah. You’ve got this.
She hoped.