Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ben’s house shattered her defenses and tore at her heart.
Every little detail stabbed at her as Cooper gave her a tour. The excited little boy holding her hand didn’t know it, but she’d walked through this house before, the one with the exposed wooden ceiling beams, stone fireplaces, wide-plank hardwood floors, and reclaimed wood paneling.
She and Ben had once held hands and imagined living here and growing their family.
His grandparents had planned to move into the ranch house when she and Ben married. This house had been theirs. She could see the homey touches. The brightly colored patchwork quilt from well-loved farm clothes on the couch. The sign on the wall that said Home is Where Our Herd Is.
Oh, how cute was that…
The cinnamon stick candleholders Cooper probably made in school, like she had when she was his age.
The silver spray-painted pine cones in the hand-tooled wooden bowl in the shape of a beaver.
The brown macramé owl hanging on the wall.
The handblown ice bucket from a local artist. The cast-iron frying pans hanging from the large stone fireplace in the living room.
The mantel was lined with photos of Ben’s family.
Some she’d seen before, but there were new ones of him with Cooper and Will and the others.
But it was the black-and-white photo of him holding a sleeping baby Cooper to his chest wearing a dusty cowboy hat that had her heart aching.
How many times had she imagined such a scene? An old longing gripped her, and even when she tried to shake it off, she still felt its embrace.
“Hannah, this is Papa’s office,” Cooper announced as Tank wandered in and sat in front of the massive desk scattered with files and papers piled a foot high.
“Dad says he’s never going to get to the bottom of some of his work stacks, even when he puts it on his Dude Dos.
Those are the intentions we do sometimes to keep us on track.
Uncle Will thinks it’s because he’d rather be on the range than pushing paper. ”
Same old Ben. “Then it’s good Dusty takes care of most of the paperwork, huh?”
Then her heart caught. Standing prominently in the corner of Ben’s bookshelves was the silver statue of a cowboy holding the hand of a young boy.
She’d bought him the present for the last birthday they’d celebrated together, believing her finding it in a thrift shop had been a sign about their future together.
The lights flickered, making her straighten.
“Did you see that?” Cooper asked.
A shiver passed over her. “Yeah, I sure did. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”
Sarah, you little devil! I’m here with Ben’s child. Stop it.
Thankfully, the lights didn’t go all woo-woo again, and after a few calming breaths, she glanced around the bookshelves. He’d kept a few books she’d bought him as well as the cast-iron Triple M stand she’d had made from a local craftsman.
He’d kept them—here in the room that was all his own. She couldn’t imagine anyone else came in here. Ben didn’t like people messing with his things, saying he could never find something if she moved anything around.
Was this a sign he hadn’t completely cut her out of his life? She certainly hadn’t kept any keepsakes from him around her.
“Why do you look sad, Hannah?” Cooper asked quietly.
She hated to lie to a child, but she didn’t see another way. “I’m only a bit tired after all that foraging today. Why don’t you show me your room?”
He grinned. “Okay! Come on. You’re going to love it.”
They climbed the natural beam stairs to the second floor. The hallway had more Western rugs and a few landscapes Grandma Elena had painted of the ranch while she was alive. She’d dabbled, according to family lore, but Hannah had always thought her a brilliant artist.
“This here’s my room. Uncle Will bunks across from me. Dad is down at the end. But his room is a mess. You so don’t want to see it.”
She almost laughed at the dramatic way he said it. Ben had never been good about picking up after himself. He’d always said he had to do a million things a day, and his bedroom was his place to let down. Playfully, she covered her eyes. “Thanks for saving me the horror.”
He giggled and led her inside, Tank padding in after them. “Here’s my bed. I have dinosaur sheets right now. Did you know there were seven main groups? Ask me. I can name them all.”
“You can?”
“Yes.” He puffed up his chest like he was going to recite a poem. “There’s the theropods, sauropods, stegosaurs, ankylosaurs, ornithopods, ceratopsians, and pachycephalosaurs.”
She pursed her lips in shock. “Wow! Those are pretty big words. Are you sure you’re only six?”
He tugged her over to the bookshelf. “Yep. I read a lot. Here are my books. Oh, and this box is where I keep my trucks. Dad makes me put them away because it hurts like the dickens when you step on them in bare feet. He’s not supposed to swear around me.
Except it sometimes slips out. Do you swear? ”
She patted him on his cute little head. “I try not to.”
“You should hear some of the ranch hands.” He squeezed his face up in horror, looking completely adorable. “But Big Gramps says Mark Twain said it best. Profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”
“I remember him saying that.” She laughed. “You’ve got a good mind, Cooper McAllister, remembering dinosaur names and Mark Twain quotes.”
He tapped his head. “My noggin is plum full of stuff. Dad says he’s shocked sometimes my head doesn’t explode.”
“I stand by that, son.”
Ben’s deep voice pinged her heart. She swung around to see him lounging in the doorway, arms crossed over his work shirt, looking sexy as hell and every bit the cowboy she remembered.
He’d shaved for dinner—something that had intrigued her and made her skin prickle with awareness.
Although she preferred his five o’clock shadow and the dark stubble attesting to his undeniable manliness, his gray eyes held her in place.
They were soft and sultry, tender even. Awareness grew, making her heart thud in her chest.
Something had changed.
He was almost like the Ben she’d known before.
“Papa, you were as quiet as a cougar. I didn’t hear your boots clomping up the steps. Hannah, you can hear Papa coming a mile away.”
His mouth curved in that sexy way she never could get enough of. “Is that how you know when to hide something you’re not supposed to have?”
His blue eyes widened as he shook his head. “Nope. Papa, I was showing Hannah my room. Did you know she tries not to swear like you?”
His husky chuckle had her wetting her lips. “Yeah, I surely do. Sometimes she used to swear at me. She’s even thrown things at me. God knew I deserved it. I tested her sorely, son.”
His gaze was straight on, filled with regret. Was he trying to tell her something?
“Her cowboy boots were a favorite. When we’d picnic out by Big Red or at the hot springs.”
The weight of those memories settled low in her belly. Usually, she’d thrown a boot at him after he’d plucked up her clothing and said he wasn’t letting her get dressed.
What was he doing?
The heated warmth in his slumberous blue-gray eyes meant he wanted her, but there was more than mere lust there.
Sure, electricity had arced between them since the first day in the barn, but the longer she was back, the stronger the memories, bringing up old feelings she didn’t want.
He’d better watch it, or she would throw something at him again. Once she finished her tour.
“Did she ever hit you with one?” Cooper asked in an astonished voice.
“Her aim isn’t too bad.” He cocked his head. “Hannah usually got what she wanted, although I shouldn’t have riled her up to begin with.”
His sleepy expression drove her crazy. She shot him a look and then pantomimed tearing out her hair since Cooper wasn’t looking.
“Ah, I’ve missed that warning.”
Troubling warmth heated her skin at the deep timbre of his voice. “I need to get back to the cabin.” She turned and smiled at Cooper. “Thanks for showing me your room. Tomorrow, why don’t you come and see how Neil laid out the plants and herbs we picked for drying?”
“I can’t wait.” He jumped like a kangaroo over to her. “When do you wake up? We get up with the cows, as Papa says.”
Ben used to tease her about sleeping in and how tempted he was to join her. Suddenly, the air was heavy. He was remembering too. “How about after breakfast?”
“Great. Can I bring Tank? He won’t jump on the furniture, I promise.”
She ruffled his hair, his youthful enthusiasm catching. Both Neil and Jolene had talked about Cooper being proof of Ben’s character now. In his son, she could see his good humor, curiosity, and sweetness. But most of all, the love he had to share and give. She stopped short.
What was she doing?
“Of course he can come,” she finally answered, making sure to smile.
“I still need to show you my other animals.”
Ben uncurled slowly from the doorway. “Tomorrow is soon enough. Son, why don’t you start your bath? I’ll be back in a sec. I want to walk Hannah back to the cabin.”
“That’s not—”
“There’s a mountain lion we’ve been tracking around the ranch a spell. I’d feel better escorting you.”
Mountain lion, her ass. But she couldn’t refuse in front of Cooper. “Fine. But we’ll hurry so you can be back for Cooper’s bath. Good night, Cooper.”
Rushing over, the little boy hugged her tightly. “’Night, Hannah. I don’t know how I’m going to possibly sleep. I can’t wait until tomorrow.”
Inside, she stilled. Ben used to say that. Some days, he swore he couldn’t wait until the next sunrise to see her. “Morning will come soon enough. Just think of all the incredible surprises in store.”
“Oh, I like that. Come on, Tank. It’s tubby time.”
The puppy barked as they streaked out. Ben was already walking ahead.
“I really don’t need an escort—”
His boots started clomping. Nice.
He was holding the front door open when she reached the landing. “It’s only a little ways up the road.”