Chapter 33 #2
How many hours had they spent lying on the grass under Big Red talking like this? “I hope it’s okay to say it, but I missed you something fierce, you know.”
“I missed you too.” She looked down and traced the lines of the plaid. “Those first months, I’d reach for my phone because I wanted to tell you something so badly.”
God, he’d been such a fool, but those thoughts were counterproductive. They were moving forward from the past. Maybe they needed to share more of the good stuff they’d missed with each other. “Did you bring your phone?”
“Yes…why?”
“How about you give me a slide show of your time in Scotland?”
She gave a hearty laugh as she looked up, clearly charmed from the teasing light in her eyes. “Really? You want to see seven years’ worth of photos?”
“Well, not every plant and flower you took a picture of,” he joked, making her sweet lips twitch. “Knowing you, that’s the majority of your photos.”
Swatting him playfully, she practically lunged for her phone in her excitement. “I do love them. Scotland is a treasure trove of wild plants and places. Wait until you see.”
And he did see—seven years of experiences and moments he hadn’t shared with her.
Ben breathed past lingering regret, then gritted his teeth at the multitude of photos and videos Neil was in with her, always smiling, often with his arm around her.
She glossed over meeting the Scot’s family, both those who lived in Scotland and his American relations when they visited.
Her life was woven into Neil’s in an undeniable way that chapped his hide, but all he did was punch up his smile as she glanced over before scrolling on. By the time she finished, he felt a familiar ache in his chest besides the jealousy.
God, he’d missed so much. Worse, he knew he would have enjoyed Scotland.
Had he gone, she might not have experienced everything with Neil, and she wouldn’t have been so alone.
Then again, it sounded like he would have met Neil early on, given her work.
Perhaps knowing Hannah was his, they might even have been friends.
“Well, that’s the last of it.” Her gaze was soft and searching. “I hope you enjoyed the show.”
“I did, thank you,” he said in a hushed voice. “I’m glad you shared all that with me.”
She set her phone to the side, shaking herself as well. Was it the memories? Or knowing how many years were captured that testified to them being apart?
“Now, tell me about you,” she requested, sitting on her calves.
He lifted a shoulder. “Well, there’s not much more to tell you than what I said the other night. I’m a pretty simple man. Other than Cooper and taking over for Dad, ranching is the same as it ever was.”
“Do you like being in charge? I know you always wanted to be, but is it different from what you thought?”
He played with the rim of his Stetson. “You do what you have to do. Dad had a hard time stepping back at first, and I had to walk a fine line, but once he did—something Gramps had a hand in, I’d suspect—he didn’t say much.
No second-guessing or anything. Of course, all three of us still discuss big items.”
She plucked at the blanket. “You’ve come into your own. It’s good to see.”
“Glad it pleases you.” Inching closer, he patted the area under her right ear, watching her eyes darken with awareness. “What is that scent on you? The one before the bug spray. I’ve been wondering since I helped you up on your horse. Don’t laugh, but something is a little exotic about it.”
“Exotic, huh?” Her trilling laughter seemed to light up the countryside like sunshine. “You know me and essential oils. It’s from a plant called cistus that grows mostly in the Mediterranean.”
He wanted to lean in and kiss her neck slowly, ever so slowly, but he settled for staying close and resting his head on his elbow. “It’s more complex than your usual lavender.”
“I suppose it is,” she said thoughtfully. “It’s also a calming scent, but deeper. Spicy yet balsamic and a little herbaceous. I’d say it’s the scent of reverence, the kind where you feel profound stillness because of all the awe around you, the kind your whole being simply wants to revel in.”
“And you wore it tonight?” She was sharing her love of plants with him again, and his spirits soared. “Why?”
She made a face, but then she gestured awkwardly. “I suppose to remind me of our complexity. Oh boy, I’m about to really go deep. I wanted to remember to listen to you even when you didn’t say much because I felt like I didn’t before, or you wouldn’t have felt like you weren’t important to me.”
His heart began to pulse in thick beats. “We both weren’t really listening. How about we agree to let that go and do our best from now on?”
The line of her throat moved. “I’d like that.” She fiddled with the plaid again. “I suppose I should also tell you the other reason I wore it, although it’s a little hard.”
He tipped up her chin, sensing another big moment for them in deepening their trust in this new relationship they were building. Although he found it hard to breathe, he gave her a soft smile. “Maybe now’s a good start to remembering how you can always tell me anything.”
The quiet hum she gave, along with a hesitant smile, made his heart clench.
“Okay, here goes. I wore it to remind myself that even with all the layers, what I feel for you still fills me with awe and calls to my soul. Being back here with you, the truth is as plain as it ever was. You and I have this bond, and even with seven years apart, it’s still there. ”
He wanted to tip his head up to the sky and close his eyes.
Thank God. Instead, he reached out slowly to cup her cheek.
When she didn’t pull away, he let out a slow breath.
“You humble me, but then again, you were always better with words. But if I could tell you something, I’d say the very thought of you still fills me with something more powerful than this land, and you understand what a hold it has on me.
Being with you always made me feel like I was touching a piece of heaven, and that hasn’t changed. I don’t think it ever will.”
She placed her hand on his chest, her eyes shining with something he remembered—love. “Oh, Ben…”
He knew this was the moment. Leaning in slowly, he waited until her face lifted to cover her mouth with his.
He told himself to take his time, but after a few slow, searching kisses, her urgency seemed as great as his by the way she gripped the back of his shirt after she fisted her arms around him.
The heat was immediate. Like the hot blast of a heater all over his skin. She moaned, showing him that first slice of heaven he craved. God, it had been so long…
He clung to her, aching from every deep pass of her mouth over his. There was a desperation in her, one he answered.
“Oh, Hannah...” He pressed desperate, heated kisses to the corner of her mouth before continuing to her neck. “Hannah! God, I missed this.”
Her lips scorched his as she tugged his head back to her. “Missed you too.” Her voice was hoarse. “So much.”
She was tugging his hair and pressing her body fully against his.
It was too much, too fast. Need was rising like a summer storm.
Falling onto his back, he pulled her onto his chest, letting her set the pace.
Feeling her running her hands up his body before caressing his chest in bold sweeps, he grabbed her to him and surrendered.
Hunger.
Desperation.
Thirst.
He wanted to drown in her as he pulled her closer to his body—where she belonged.
God, how they fit. Always had. The feel of her against him was still heaven.
With her mouth open and searching his, he knew a tenderness along with raging desire.
She strained against him as he cupped her hips to his arousal, and when she wrenched her mouth away, breathing hard, she stared at him with feverish eyes filled with wonder.
“Goodness…”
Her voice was strained and her breath choppy, and he realized he was trembling.
“That was supposed to be a first kiss,” he muttered with a groan, clenching his eyes shut, telling his straining body to calm the hell down.
An irreverent laugh had him gazing at her. “It was,” he protested with a frown.
She pressed a hand to her mouth, rolling with laughter, as she slid off his rigid body and landed awkwardly on her side.
“First kiss… That was an I haven’t kissed you in ages, and I might die if I don’t right now kiss.
My, we’d better dial it back, or we’ll be going all the way.
While I decided not to play it safe, that might be a little crazy.
Even given how fast things seem to be going. ”
“Fast, huh? If you knew how many times I’ve restrained myself from taking you in my arms… But you’re right about the need still being there. I’ll want you until I take my last breath.”
She laid her head down on his chest, pressing her face to his thundering heart. “Got any ideas about where we go now? We’re headed to some deeper waters.”
“Yes, ma’am, we are,” he agreed in a happy drawl.
She rose on an elbow and gave him the look. “Since we talked about it when we were teenagers, I figure we can talk about it like adults.”
She was referring to them agreeing to wait to have sex until they were sixteen.
Hard on both of them, but she’d thought they needed more maturity.
Looking back, she’d probably been right.
What the hell had he really known about pleasing and loving a woman back then?
They’d learned together in stolen moments and later in college when they’d met up.