Chapter 4
“You two know each other!” Theo’s eyes widened and looked between the two of them.
“We do,” they both said simultaneously, neither of them looking at each other.
The room was spinning on its axis, a vacuum with its walls closing in and all of the air being sucked out at the same time. Juniper felt dizzy and her throat went dry. She tried to be subtle about the way she placed one hand back on the desk to balance herself.
“How did you two meet?”
After a long frozen pause in the doorway, Rowan walked over to the communal table in the center of the room and found the chair closest to the door.
Juniper, still standing awkwardly beside her desk like a deer in headlights activating all aspects of fight, flight, and freeze, was the one to answer.
She provided the simplest, most straightforward answer she could come up with amidst her internal chaos.
“We grew up together.”
She hadn’t been able to bear looking at Rowan since the moment before she addressed her by name.
She gazed over to find Rowan already looking at her.
The regret Juniper found on Rowan’s face was obvious; it weighed down the edges of her eyes, like the remorse Juniper hoped also weighed down the entirety of her heart.
She hated the pit in her stomach that formed in response to that thought.
She wanted to scream at her. Don’t look at me like that! She screamed it in her head instead as she bit the tip of her tongue and looked back down at her desk.
“Oh.” Theo put a hand on his hip and knit his eyebrows together. “No wait, that makes sense given your ages. I didn’t even put two and two together.” Oblivious to the very palpable tension in the air, he continued, “Well that’s lucky! We’re getting off on the right foot already.”
Not quite.
What fucking luck did Juniper have? The moment she had been working toward for so long, the knowledge and community trust she’d built through her homegrown efforts interrupted by the one person who could waltz back in here like no time had gone by, fancy degrees and career in tow.
And the whole getting her hopes up about a hot new mystery woman only to find out it was the same one who shattered her heart fifteen years ago?
Now that was just a joke. Two for the price of fucking one.
The sad panic that had raced through Juniper’s veins minutes prior morphed into rage, like a rapid rush of liquid through a tiny funnel. Flight and freeze fell away in the rush. All that was left was fight.
She wasn’t going to go down like this. All of the forces that worked to hold her back in life built her back up. She was going to call the shots.
Juniper crossed from her desk, sat directly across from Rowan, leaned onto the table, and folded her hands.
She changed her energy and used all her strength to radiate it through her body; she owned this moment.
And she watched with a near vicious satisfaction as Rowan shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
“So… Rowan Birdsong meet Juniper Banks. Juniper meet Rowan.”
Theo laughed at his own attempt at a joke while Juniper forced out a chuckle and Rowan continued to stare at the same spot on the table her eyes had been glued to since Juniper rounded her desk.
“Like I mentioned, Juniper is the food sovereignty program coordinator. She has basically built this program from the bottom up, wouldn’t you say?”
With a self-assured tone, Juniper firmly agreed. “Yes, that’s right.”
“Rowan is our new senior environmental advisor. She’ll be working closely with Chairwoman Grant and other senior advisors,” Theo added as he also took a seat.
Juniper smirked and forced out another huff of a chuckle as she looked to the sky. Was three for the price of one even a saying?
Her eyes fell sharply to Rowan who still was not looking at her. “Are you my boss?”
“No,” Rowan blurted out in what Juniper knew was a self-conscious cover-up, barely uttered above a whisper.
“No, not exactly,” Theo chimed in cautiously, as if he was approaching a skittish animal backed into a corner, “but as you know, Juniper, part of absorbing your program and expanding it to include more aspects of food sovereignty is also about drafting plans for approval by Tribal Council to increase the size of the garden you started last year on the unused parcel of land across from the general store. We talked about adding structures to improve its efficiency, to be able to plant more of what we have, as well as some new crops. Chairwoman Grant and I were thinking that Rowan, you could assist with that, since your expertise is in this area. And of course it would give you a chance to see our community’s work since you’ve been away. ”
“That sounds great,” Rowan agreed softly, finally looking at Juniper.
“Juniper?”
“Mhm,” she agreed in a pitch more surly than was professionally appropriate, while slowly dying inside.
Truly, in terms of first days on a new job, this was absolute top notch.
“Juniper, are you aware of Rowan’s work in environmental law and policy?”
“Oh, I’m very aware,” Juniper said, curling her lips into a more devious smile.
She was ready to pounce all over that topic.
Theo’s phone buzzed on the table, and he answered immediately. Juniper thought she detected a brief sigh of relief from Rowan as she looked toward the ceiling.
“Hello… hi, yes… they delivered it where?” Theo sighed and placed his head in his hand. “Yep, got it. I’ll be there in five.”
He hung up and directed his attention back toward Juniper and Rowan.
“Unfortunately there’s a small fire I have to put out.
Rowan, your office is next door, to the left.
I can’t promise when I’ll be back to finish showing you around, but your office should be set up in the meantime.
And you have my cell. Juniper, maybe set up a time tomorrow to walk Rowan through the ins and outs of the program and in the next couple of weeks to take her out to the gardens and show her around? ”
“I would love to.”
“Thanks, you two. I’m excited to see where this all goes from here.”
Theo closed the door behind him, and Juniper felt a look of smug nonchalance creep across her face. She continued to stare directly at Rowan, who was growing increasingly more uncomfortable by the minute. This was going to be fun.
“So,” Juniper began with a tone dripping in sarcasm, “you have your own private office?”
Rowan sighed frustratedly and scratched the back of her neck as she looked away.
“I don’t know, Junie, I haven’t even seen it yet.”
Juniper let out a scoffing chuckle. “Surprised that wasn’t part of the package you negotiated for yourself. And we’re not kids anymore. You can call me Juniper.”
Okay, that felt a little mean, but whatever. It’s the truth. It also let Rowan know that for years she’d been silently watching her career take off.
Rowan’s eyes darted to hers, and Juniper could see she hit a sore spot. Good. In response, Juniper leaned forward, rested her elbows on the very edge of the arms of the chair and threaded her fingers together in her lap.
“That’s how it’s going to be…Juniper?” Rowan responded, punctuating the pause intentionally.
“How what’s going to be?” Juniper feigned innocence with a smirk and leaned in even further.
Rowan shook her head at the antics but didn’t take the bite.
“This is really important work, Juniper. I’m proud of you.”
Proud of her? That pissed her off even more. She wasn’t some child who needed praise from someone wiser and more accomplished than her.
“Oh yes, Rowan, your approval means the world to me. I've been dying for you to come back into my life just to validate my existence.”
“Would you rather me be shitty to you instead? Like how you’re being towards me.”
Rowan sat back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest, then one leg over the other. The subtle shift in energy was enough to momentarily disarm Juniper.
She let her gaze wander over Rowan’s face, taking in the way her short hair emphasized all her favorite – formerly favorite – things about her face.
Her rounded cheekbones, the angle of her jaw, the feminine curl of her black eyelashes as they framed the deep brown almond-shaped eyes that stared melancholically back at her.
That beautiful and handsome face that held so much more behind it.
She was somehow all over the place and spiraling at the same time and couldn’t control the impulsive vulnerability that spilled out of her mouth next.
"Have you thought about me at all, Rowan?"
"Of course I've thought about you," Rowan responded earnestly, barely above a whisper.
And yet, there was such a sincerity in the way Rowan responded to her.
It confused her. Or maybe she was more confused about the way she felt about that sincerity.
She leaned back from the table and crossed one leg over the other, similarly to the way Rowan had moments before.
This was a battle of forced distance and closed off body language.
"Not enough to reach out though."
At that quick and successful jab, Rowan dropped her hands to her lap, almost like she’d deflated.
Juniper continued. "Social media is a thing, now. You know. Obviously. You're all over it these days." She paused. "And I'm easy to find."
"I...I did look you up. You're the first person in my search bar."
Juniper gave a quick smile that didn't meet her eyes.
"But there wasn't quite enough there for you still… to make you hit the follow button? Or to message me?"
Why was she even saying these things? Of course she hadn’t been enough for Rowan to reach out. She hadn’t been enough for Rowan to care about the first time, what would be different ten or fifteen years later?
Rowan kept her eyes trained on Juniper's, but she didn't say anything.
"No, it's okay. You don't have answers. Fuck," Juniper sighed out a laugh and shook her head, "you don't even have attempts. You've always known where to find me. I've never been anywhere but here."