Chapter 8
“I know we’re about out of time here, so we wanted to thank you for your time today.
You asked some really interesting questions at the end that will have us thinking about the program design concept a little more.
Truth be told, you’re exactly the kind of person we need on board to help us think this through,” a man in his early forties with golden blonde hair and skin tanned from the sun spoke into the webcam.
“Oh, thanks Kevin. The opportunity is really interesting. Providing more pathways for Indigenous people to receive training and career placements in global climate justice efforts is of critical importance. Making sure it’s done in a good way is just as important though,” Rowan responded into her own webcam.
“We couldn’t agree more. Thanks again. I’m sure we will be in touch,” Kevin added before waving his final goodbye.
“Okay, talk soon.” Rowan waved back and signed off.
The clock turned 12:59 pm, and she closed the laptop she just finished the job interview on.
She sat back and ran a hand through her hair before leaning forward again to pick up her phone.
She turned it off Do Not Disturb mode and let the notifications roll in.
Much less now that her life was less public, and she was grateful for that.
One notification caught her eye, and she was quick to tap it before it got buried in the ever-populating notification tabs.
@thecoastaldoc: See you tonight?
She typed her response.
@rowanbirdsong: Your class is at 7pm right?
Almost right away, a new message popped up.
@thecoastaldoc: I was thinking we could grab dinner before? If you’re up for it? ??
Rowan smiled, even though it didn’t quite meet her eyes. She typed her next response.
@rowanbirdsong: Sure… Tell me where and when.
Two weeks had passed, and two things had happened in Rowan’s life.
She’d agreed to an interview for the opportunity Emmanuel told her about.
And she’d answered a DM from a coastal ecology professor from a nearby town, Claire Bowers, who’d asked if she would speak to her Introduction to Coastal Ecology class.
She’d agreed, thinking it would be another way to meet a potential new friend.
It’s not like she had any friends, and she hated feeling lonely more than anything else.
She had felt that far too much as a kid.
Some things just stick with you, both cherished memories and those you want to shove back down.
The fact that it was evolving to include dinner? That wasn’t planned. But maybe it would be a welcome distraction, another way to restrict herself from further exploring her feelings for Juniper.
Rowan had thought about Juniper all those years she was away.
In fact, Juniper was all Rowan could think about for at least the first year of undergrad.
She was almost too embarrassed of herself to come home for winter break from school, after what she had done, but she knew she needed to see her dad.
She missed him more than she could have ever imagined.
Over time as she stopped coming around as much, she stopped pining for home as much as she stopped pining for Juniper.
And then it became routine. Call her dad once a week.
Visit her dad twice a year. Keep a low profile, don’t make herself known in the community, and then leave again.
It felt less and less like home over the years, even less than it already had before she left.
She had imagined how Juniper’s life might be.
She wondered what she studied in college, what job she had.
If she had met someone. If she had gotten married or had children, finally made the loving family of her own that she so desperately wanted.
For a long time, Rowan had basically been her only family, and the thought of someone else being that for Juniper made her stomach feel like it was coming up her throat.
Only she had known Juniper. Only she had ever been able to see inside.
Since coming home and working with Juniper nearly every work day since, she had started to get those glimpses of what was inside now.
She was still the same fiery, impulsive, and confident woman as always, but now there was an almost formidable peacefulness about her at the same time.
Like she had really come to know herself.
Like she was existing in the world in the ways she had always dreamed of.
The ways she had confided in Rowan about wanting for her future. For their future, at one point in time.
Before she realized it, her feet were moving her towards the door of her office, which aside from the hour of this interview, she always left open.
She left it open in the hopes of catching a glimpse of Juniper passing by, if she were honest with herself.
She paused at the doorway and rubbed a hand over her face.
She almost turned back until she heard a little voice from Juniper’s office next door.
She peeked around the corner and saw a young boy, maybe nine or ten, standing on a chair looking out the back window with Juniper.
Her heart sank a little bit. Maybe she did have a child, or children.
Maybe she was married. Rowan hadn’t noticed a ring, and yes, she had checked.
Her eyes involuntarily darted to her left hand the very first day and every day since.
Lack of a ring didn’t necessarily mean anything in this day and age though.
“Nuqisis, do you want to take a tour of the building?” Juniper asked, turning toward the young boy.
“Yes!” He jumped down from the chair, and then he stopped to look at Rowan. “Oh, hi!” He said with a big wave.
“Hi,” Rowan said through a chuckle.
She looked up at Juniper, who was already looking at her.
“Nuqisis? Is that your name?” Rowan asked, looking back at the boy, taking a few more steps into the office.
“No, my name is Wanchese.”
“Nuqisis means ‘my son,’” Juniper clarified.
“Oh,” Rowan muttered as she felt the edges of her lips turn down involuntarily.
Juniper placed a kiss to the top of Wanchese’s head. Rowan could feel her heartbeat thrumming in her ears.
“He’s Wren’s baby. I don’t have any children, yet,” she said, her tone softening with each word until yet was all breath and air. She straightened her posture. “We call him that. You know, raising children should be a whole family effort.”
Rowan nodded. She felt her shoulders relax. A nine or ten year old son of Wren’s though? She did the mental calculation. That would have put Wren at nineteen, twenty at most.
Damn.
Giving him her full attention, she knelt down to eye level. “Wren is your mama? How lucky are you?”
“Very lucky,” he beamed back at her, then looked at her feet. “You wear Converse to work?”
Rowan looked down at her professional attire that had gotten even more casual since starting this job. She still had on a button down shirt and slacks, but she’d switched her dress shoes out for high tops this week.
“Yep.” She nudged his foot with hers. “Just like you.”
He blushed, but his tone was matter of fact. “I don’t work here yet.”
Rowan chuckled again and stood up. “You know your mom, Auntie, and me used to all be friends when we were your age.”
“Really? What’s your name?”
“Rowan.”
“Oh, I heard about you,” he said, turning to Juniper. “Auntie, you and mama were talking about her the other day, huh?”
Juniper looked visibly uncomfortable. Kids always find a way to tell on adults.
Rowan couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. “Oh really? What did they say?” She asked, eyes flicking back to Juniper.
“Auntie said—”
“Okay,” Juniper interjected, “that’s enough for introductions for today. Time for the tour before I take you downstairs to meet your mama.”
Juniper pressed her hands against Wanchese’s back and scurried him toward the door. Rowan closed the door to Juniper’s office behind them all and rounded the door frame back into her office. She paused there, leaning slightly backward to hear their conversation drifting down the hallway.
“I can’t wait to show you all of the good things our people are doing for our community. I hope you feel so proud.”
“Do you really think I could work here one day?”
“I’m about to put you to work now, what do you mean Nuqisis?”
“No, Auntie, like for real.”
“I am for real. These toilets aren’t gonna scrub themselves.”
They devolved into a fit of giggles that was so unbelievably cute, Rowan thought she might explode.
She felt a pang in her chest at the thought she might be gone before she got to see the day he worked there too.
Which was ridiculous, she corrected herself, because he couldn’t be older than fifth grade.
His shoes squeaked on the floor as Juniper stopped him.
“For real, for real. You can do anything you want. Do you understand all of the power that’s inside you?”
As Rowan sat in her chair, she leaned her head back and reminisced about all the ways Juniper had always been everyone’s biggest cheerleader as kids.
She herself had never felt powerful until Juniper made her believe it.
There was something so special about Juniper.
Special was too weak of a word to describe her. She needed her own word entirely.
◆◆◆
Later that afternoon, Juniper knocked softly on the open door of Rowan’s office. She caught Rowan’s eyes drift to her hip as she pressed it into the door frame. Interesting. She mentally high-fived earlier Juniper for picking out the figure-hugging forest green wrap dress she was wearing.