Chapter 11 #2
Juniper knew that was supposed to make her feel better, as a consolation for having dragged her out here to the reservation, but it just made it worse. If they hadn’t planned on spending the night together originally, they certainly had now.
There was one thing they could agree on though — this place was beautiful.
“It is so beautiful. Our families have fished this coastline since time immemorial,” Juniper added.
“I’m sorry, since time what?”
Claire looked between the two of them with a confused face.
“Immemorial,” Rowan interjected, “since forever, basically. Our origin stories say we’ve been here since the beginning of creation.”
Juniper looked up at Rowan and smiled her first real smile of the day.
“Wow, that’s pretty remarkable,” Claire said with wide eyes.
“Indeed,” Rowan chuckled.
“Would I be allowed to take some pictures down by the rocks?”
Juniper recognized how hard Claire tried to conceal her awkwardness around not knowing what was culturally appropriate or not, but it still made Juniper chuckle internally.
“Um, sure. I don’t see why not?” Rowan responded.
Claire walked down toward the rocks, and Rowan sat down on the sand beside Juniper.
“Cross-cultural interactions, huh?” Juniper meant to make that sound lighter and funnier than how it actually came out. She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head to look into Rowan’s eyes. “Sorry, that sounded snarkier than I meant.”
“No, I get it. I was going to agree with you,” she added with her signature deadpan humor.
Juniper forced a feeble smile. “She seems really nice though. Beautiful and smart. I’m sorry I was the reason why your plans got derailed last night.”
“I didn’t have any plans. For last night,” Rowan clarified hastily.
◆◆◆
A few moments passed by as they watched the waves surge and crash.
After a big gust of wind, Juniper tucked her knees into her sweatshirt, and Rowan noticed she wasn’t wearing a jacket.
Rowan also hadn’t expected the wind to pick up quite like this, as it sometimes did across particularly smooth water.
Juniper, however, looked colder than the weather called for.
“Your hair is wet,” Rowan pointed out.
Juniper looked confused. “Yes?”
Rowan used a finger to gather the strands that had been swept across her face and tucked them behind her ear. Her finger tingled as it drew a line of concern Juniper’s soft skin.
“Aren’t you cold?”
“A little. Sometimes it feels good,” she breathed out heavily, “like a shock that makes your body come alive.”
Rowan tilted her head questioningly. She knew her well enough to know that she often spoke in analogies to reveal a tiny slice of her insecurity or vulnerability, but she couldn’t interpret exactly what Juniper meant by that. Instead, she changed the subject to a lighter one.
“Did you see the old Pearl out there?” she asked.
“I did.” Juniper smiled. “I come out here to check on your dad from time to time. I’m sure he doesn’t notice that it’s me, but I still wave when he’s close in.”
“That’s… really thoughtful of you,” Rowan added quietly, a pang of guilt firing in her chest at the realization Juniper had probably seen more of her dad than she had in the last 15 years. “You’re always looking after everyone.”
Juniper’s shoulders creeped further up to her ears, and she tucked her chin into her sweatshirt. “It’s how I was taught to be,” she offered quietly.
Rowan knew accountability was important in their belief system.
Every relation you had, whether with a person, the animals or plants, the water, was governed by that connectedness.
But that also meant no person should exist in isolation either.
It seemed like they both had been doing a lot of that self-isolating in their time apart, even in the ways their lives were so different from each other’s.
“Does anyone look after you?” Rowan asked.
Juniper gave her a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”
“I mean who takes care of you? Like the way you take care of everyone else?”
Juniper was silent for a few moments before shrugging. “I don’t know.”
Rowan couldn’t tear her eyes away from the way Juniper was curled into herself.
How could such a powerful woman look so defeated?
Juniper’s comment about the need to shock life back into her body stung in her mind.
All she could think about was drawing Juniper’s body into her jacket, into her own warm body.
She thought about how it might feel to hold her tightly, to touch her body the way she wanted it to be touched with the warmth, adoration, and reverence she deserved.
She imagined how it would feel to kiss her again, to be so deeply connected to her, to let herself actually feel these things.
The chemistry between them still was undeniable, an invisible thread that had refused to break despite the trials of time and distance.
Juniper looked at her with tear-stung eyes, the protective layer she hoped to create by tucking herself into this sweatshirt betraying what Rowan knew was the internal surrendering of her heart. Couldn’t she just decide to love her again? What was she so afraid of?
“Hey, I should probably get back soon.”
Both of their eyes shot up to see Claire standing over them giving a look that suggested she knew she had interrupted something intimate.
“Sure, of course,” Rowan added quickly, not wanting this moment to end but recognizing it needed to.
She stood up and swept the sand off of her pants and hands. Juniper remained seated and pushed her sunglasses down her face again, staring ahead.
“I’ll go ahead and get started,” Claire offered.
Rowan wasn’t sure if she was being gracious or if she was pissed off. She also realized she didn’t actually care either way. This wouldn’t continue past the awkward thirty minute drive back to Claire’s car in the bar’s parking lot.
Rowan looked back to Juniper. “Are you staying?” She asked anxiously.
“For a little longer, I think,” Juniper answered barely above a whisper.
“Can I at least leave you my jacket?” Rowan asked, hoping the warmth left behind in her jacket could envelope Juniper’s body. Maybe it could be an okay substitute for the real thing.
“Thank you. I can give it back to you tomorrow, if you still want me to help you move into your new place.”
“Whenever. There’s no rush. And of course I do, if you’re still up for it.” Rowan shrugged out of her jacket and leaned down to wrap it around her shoulders. She noticed the way she tried to hide burying her nose into the collar. “Don’t stay out here too long, okay Junie?”
“I won’t.”
“I’m serious. Don’t keep punishing yourself.” Rowan furrowed her brows as she lingered over one last moment of silence from Juniper. She sighed and stood up, “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She turned to head back over the dunes, looking over her shoulder every few steps at the woman she could no longer bear to leave behind.