Chapter 3
The next day, I can't really tell you what came over me, but I head out to the lake to see Terry. Of course, I tell myself it's just to invite him to the community center. Right. That's totally why I'm going.
Cold, choppy waves hit against the empty docks, and looking out across the water, there is nobody out today. No other boats anywhere. Everything is dead quiet and spaced apart.
A sharp sense of disappointment settles over me.
It was just that humanness, for lack of a better word.
Terry felt human like the people at Lushgrove, but he wasn't someone I had to put on a fake, super-happy face for.
He was just someone else floating by on the same choppy, stormy waters as me, going through his own shit.
And he actually reached out and saw me, a man who gave me attention just because he wanted to play and escape his problems for a minute. And so did I.
In my head, I cheated on Daniel. In my head, I wanted to, simply because of how angry and lonely I've been.
Just to get back at Daniel. Just to make myself feel a little bit of power in this relationship so I could trick myself into believing I wasn't drowning under the despondence I've been dealing with for what feels like forever.
So why exactly the hell did I come back out here? Would I have gone through with it?
I feel like I would've… maybe not all the way, but definitely skirting right along the edge.
Maybe hugging him, dancing with him, just talking with Terry while the two of us took joy in each other's company without crossing the line.
In my mind, that would've made it okay. It made me feel partly alive.
But I also know temptation would've spilled over at some point.
One of us would lose control, and the other would give in.
Except Terry had nothing to lose. I did. It's always me.
Daniel is out there doing whatever he wants, and I have to be the good little wife. The wife who has to smile for everyone even when I'm hurting, make Daniel look good, keep myself busy and entertained with all the money he leaves for me, and act grateful that I even have that much.
Well, Terry isn't here.
Walking back to my car, I get in the back seat and let the auto-drive take me over to the Lushgrove community center.
"You knew damn well what you were about to do," Germany chimes in.
"I don't wanna hear it," I tell Germany, my gerbil.
"Nasty hoe."
"Bitch," I snap right back.
"Well, it's a good thing he wasn't there," Georgia points out reasonably.
"Yeah."
Ghana sighs softly. "I understand. Loneliness makes people do very strange things."
"What's wrong with having sex with someone, though, if you're lonely?" Grenada asks.
Germany glares over. "She has a husband, you nincompoop."
"And you never know, that person could be a serial killer too," Greece adds.
"Of course," Germany mutters.
"I'm serious," Greece insists. "Like, what are the chances that you're in the middle of your little island—"
"It's not an island, it's a boat, Greece."
"You know what I mean."
"Well, not really."
"Well, you do, because you—anyway." Greece waves a dismissive little paw at Germany, while Germany just rolls her eyes. "You're in the middle of your boat alone, and then he just, whoop, sneaks up on you like that. He could've eaten you."
Ghana nods slowly. "That is true."
"If he was gonna eat her, he would have done it by now," Germany argues.
"No. Because now she's aware of him."
"Well, regardless, none of that happened, so you can all rest easy," I tell them, leaning over the habitat.
"No," Greece counters immediately. "Because now every time you go out on your boat, you're gonna have to be worried about someone sneaking up on you, or him finally killing you.
He knows enough about your life right now, and he knows that you're probably interested in him.
So now you've let your guard down. So now the next time he comes to see you, he's gonna snatch you, throw you over into the ocean, and put stones on your feet so you drown. "
Germany stares at Greece. "What is actually all the way wrong with you?"
"I mean, that would make for a very interesting story," Grenada says cheerfully. "Like, you can go tell your friends."
"She can't very well tell her friends if she's dead," Georgia scolds. "And you shouldn't be tempting danger. Greece is right about one thing. You are married, and your mate would be very displeased."
"God forbid I displease Daniel. Right?"
"Well, as far as you know, with the available evidence that you have, he is being faithful to you," Georgia reasons. "And he's going out there working and giving you the lifestyle that you live. It would be very ungrateful for you to do such a thing."
"Your husband's probably out there banging a million hoes," Germany blurts out.
"Okay," I groan, rolling my eyes at the ceiling.
"Well, we don't know that for sure," Ghana offers gently.
"And, yeah, we don't not know that for sure," Germany fires back, "which is what's driving Melody crazy, isn't it, Melody?"
Crossing my arms, I just stare at them, not having a single comeback for that.
On second thought, I do.
"Well, that's why you guys are in the cage and I'm not."
"Yeah. Okay. Because you're such a nice person," Germany fires back.
"If you want, I can throw you out the fucking window, and you can go and fend for yourself."
"No. I don't want that," Greece pipes up quickly.
"Nobody asked you," Germany snaps.
My gerbils all squabble and bicker with each other while I just sit back and grin. As long as I have them around, they actually keep me sane.
"Well, you know what? I'm glad what happened happened," I declare to the whole cage. "Still got it, though."
"Disgusting," Germany mutters.
A smile creeps onto my face anyway. "He wanted to sleep with me. That's all that matters."
"So your self-worth is based on whether or not a horny, lonely guy that probably sleeps with a bunch of women wants to sleep with you?"
Biting my bottom lip, I try to piece together a solid comeback. "I mean, he wants what is—you know what?"
"Go ahead," Germany challenges. "Try and wheel your way out of this one."
Before I can even attempt to defend myself, the car finally pulls up in front of the community center and shifts into park. Grabbing the little travel carrier off the seat, I hop out and skip my way right to the front doors.
Waving wildly with one hand, I call out across the foyer.
"Good morning, George!"
The old man with the curly white hair, bushy white eyebrows, the biggest mustache I've ever seen, a fluffy beard, and deep suntanned skin waves back with a broad grin.
"Well, good morning, Melody! Good to see you. Didn't know you were coming in today."
"What, are you keeping a surprise from me?"
I laugh, and he chuckles right along as I step in to give him a hug, keeping the little travel carrier hooked safely in the crook of my fingers.
"Watch it. CHEESE!" Germany squeaks from inside.
George looks down at the carrier with a twinkle in his eye. "Oh, you brought them nuggets with you?"
"Yeah. Gotta wrap them up so they don't freeze, or else they'll turn into ice chips."
George laughs out loud, and Grenada gives a little squeak-chuckle right along with him from inside the mesh.
"What is wrong with you people?" Germany grumbles. "That is so not funny. Why do people force laughter?"
"It is funny," I whisper down into the air vents as I head down the hall.
The community center is packed and buzzing with activity today. I love this place. Sure, it gets a little overstimulating at times with all the noise and movement, but it really feels like a second home. Being so active here makes the time just fly by.