CHAPTER FORTY-SIX CHRIS
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Chris
June
I pull out my phone and hover my finger over her number. I’ve been mulling this over for a while. This isn’t the kind of thing I can say in a message. This has to be in person. But as I want to say it right now, and as I can’t physically see her, I might just have to ring her.
Back and forward, back and forward. Make a decision, Chris. I always get there eventually, it simply takes me a lot of time. There was a brief period when quick decision-making was my thing. I’d open my mouth and the right words would come out. Come with me , for example.
Why is Lexie in my head now? There’s so much I want to say to her, but can’t. I said far too much over the past couple of years. And now I’m back living in London, it’s somehow more complicated than ever. And there’s Victoria. Perhaps it was easier when I was in New York and she was living here. Expectations on both sides were lower. But now … there’s no avoiding that life is speeding up, cruising away from the dock. Only I’m in danger of being left behind.
If I carry on like this much longer, I’ll be forty and not even married, let alone divorced. I smile. That conversation. Her .
I hit the icon to call, breathe in deeply and brace myself, because I’m either going to look a fool or it will turn out to be a well-constructed plan. I’ll know in a few moments.
‘Hey,’ Victoria says, with warmth in her voice, when she picks up.
‘Hey, you. I haven’t spoken to you today and I wanted to check in.’
Victoria breathes in. ‘I love how you do that. I love how you seem to know when I want to hear from you.’
I hear the sound of her chair creaking as she gets up and closes her office door.
‘You busy?’ I ask.
‘Yeah,’ she replies. ‘I’ve just had some sketches back from Scarlet and there’s a couple of tweaks I want her to make. Remember Scarlet, whose party we met at?’
I’m jolted into a state of high alert. Lexie’s friend. ‘Yeah?’
‘Well, she’s doing this project for me and … oh, I don’t even know if Scarlet is aware we’re together,’ Victoria continues. ‘Anyway …’
I quickly realise there’s no information relating to Lexie about to be shared in this conversation, so every now and again at suitable moments I say, ‘Uh-huh,’ and ‘Oh, right, that’s nice.’
‘Well, she’s …’ Victoria continues talking about the project Lexie’s friend is working on. Only Victoria doesn’t know anything about Lexie or how we met, or why I was even at that house-cooling party. I zone even further out, glancing around my Airbnb for my charger cable. Where did I put it? I need to check out and move into my next rental, as I only had this one for a month. I’ve really got to find somewhere more permanent to stay, although I quite like being nomadic. I might keep Airbnb-hopping until I work out where in London I want to finally settle, and whether I want to settle here long-term at all.
Victoria is still talking about whatever this project is that her company’s working on, and I wait for a break in the conversation so that I can say the thing I want to say. There’s silence. Oh, she’s finished.
But I open my mouth and I freeze. This isn’t the time. And I wonder – just a little bit – if I should maybe … not say it. The implications of asking someone to be your girlfriend when it turns out you’re not sure are damaging to everyone involved. And why would I do this on the phone? I should see her, face-to-face, and work out how I feel about everything then.
Instead I say something else. ‘My brother’s in town this week and you know we said we’d go and see the Jersey Boys musical and catch some dinner, but as we didn’t buy tickets yet, can I invite him along?’
‘Of course,’ she says warmly. ‘You like me enough to introduce me to your family,’ she continues meaningfully.
I smile. ‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘You OK with that?’
‘I am,’ she says. ‘Big step: meet the family.’
‘Yeah … I guess so,’ I say. I was about to ask this woman to be my girlfriend. I suppose meeting my brother is a big deal.